part of the process

It's still feels new to me. This whole "art" thang. Although it's been more than a couple of years, each time I pick up my pencil, I feel like it's the first time. I get this feeling of overwhelm. And even a bit of anxiety. The overwhelm, I think, stems from all the many images running through my head. The anxiety, from a long-seeded (or is that "seated"?) belief in "perfection". It's dumb, I know. But there it is.

Lately, I've been scolding meself for avoiding the one "subject" that probably means the most to me: The Horse. I love them. All of them. And I miss being in their presence more than I miss any Human on the Planet. I miss how they smell and the sounds they make and their often comical behaviors and how they make me feel. Nothing makes me feel the way a horse does. Must be some kind of kindred thing. But whatever it is, I miss them and it annoys me that I've avoided drawing them.

Why?

Because they're a big, giant, challenge.

The details of The Horse are what make them so magnificent. AND so challenging. Miss the details, lose the horse. And I'm not just talking about art work. Horses are complex creatures with much to teach us. They are the epitome of purity. And truth. And trust. You simply can not fool a horse. Some people think you can beat them into submission. But the real deal is when you earn its trust. Only then will you reach communion. Only then will you know what it means to experience the magick of equine friendship.

If it sounds like some holy testimony, you're correct. I revere them more than any other creature. Mostly because I have experienced this communion I speak of.

I'm tellin' ya, there's nothing like it.

So, my aversion to drawing them may also stem from a deep desire to do them justice. I don't want to just draw a horse. I want to feel it. I want to honor it. I want to have the viewer experience the majesty of The Horse. And this, my friends, is no easy task.

Anywayz....

As you may have read (in "Gathering Storm"), I've been hunting for a painting that I gave away some five-plus years ago. During the course of this search, I also made up my mind that I WILL paint one of my own. It may not look exactly like the one I gave away, but I don't really want that. I want it to be my own. In order to do this, I must first get a feel for a horse in motion. It's one thing to see it with you own eyes, and feel it as you ride. It's an entirely different thing to put it on paper and have it come alive. Therein lies my challenge.

But, you know... a girl's gotta start somewhere.

{First sketch. August 22, 2017. It's all part of the process, yes?}

The Date Is Unimportant...

Today is December thirtieth, in the year two thousand fifteen. (it's kinda weird typing out numbers like that. Fun. But weird. A new 'thang' I'm giving a go. More on that. Another time.) With less than twenty-nine hours left in this year, I'm guessing that lots of folks are planning activities for New Year's Eve. Or not. Maybe folks are basking in quiet reflection over the year's events. Or thinking how happy they are that it's almost over. Maybe, for those who have chosen solitude, there isn't much ado at all about the impending year's end. Whatever the case may be...one thing is certain: Magick abounds today, as it did yesterday, as it shall tomorrow. Doesn't really matter what the date is. Nor the circumstances you find yourself in. All that matters is that you remember a few things, and carry them with you all day, every day, without question or doubt.

Those few things are:

Magick abounds

YOU are the Magick

All that really matters is NOW

Trust in your Magick

{said another way: Trust in YOU}

That's pretty much it. We Humans like to make a big deal about "dates". We fuss over the details because it's Christmas or New Year's Day or your birthday or any number of calendar holidays. But in truth, every day is a holiday. Because the word itself, "holiday", is a bastardized version of "holy days". In my world, every day I awaken, realize I'm actually alive, have oxygen flowing through my lungs and blood running through my veins and food waiting to be eaten and this furry fluff of a dawg to snuggle with, every single one of those days is holy. 

What else is there to know?

Happy New Year, my Lovelies.

May each new day bring new ways for you to live your Magick.

Carry on!

Cowgirl UP!

T'was not so long ago that this was a part of my life. A huge part. I had the great fortune of meeting some folks many years earlier who became two of my biggest fans. That was back when I was performing in some of the smaller local venues in the Puget Sound area. I had a day job as a barista at a little place that was owned by a guy who really liked the idea of promoting local talent. So I'd make coffee by day and play by night. Good gigs both. That's where I met the couple who would eventually change my life. That is, they had horses, as well as a ten acre piece of heaven with a four stall barn and room for "extras". When Jack came across the horse that would be mine, he called me to come meet him. The horse was a bit "mouthy" and not the least bit kindly toward Two-Leggeds (Humans). For good reason. He'd been untouched for the better part of his thirteen years. The woman who had him was more interested in his kindly mama; she never rode the little guy. When his mama died, she tried to reconnect. He wanted nothing to do with her or her saddles, bits, reins, lessons, shoes or rules. So every time she tried to approach him, he'd rear and kick and bite and go a little cuckoo. Who could blame him?

To shorten this story just a bit, the woman finally called Jack who had to walk the poor critter seven miles to his own house because the critter would not have anything to do with loading onto a trailer. Two weeks later, I got the call. Why this man thought I was the person for this particular horse still remains a bit of a mystery to me. He told me that he'd had a talk with his "tribe" and was directed to "Qwanee". That is the Sioux word for "spirit guide". And that is what he always called me. Again, a bit of a mystery. But...I trusted this man to the nth degree and decided to go have a look at the horse.

To say that it was love at first sight is a grand understatement. For both of us. He just took an instant liking to me and I to him. From that moment on, I was his person. Shortly after our meeting, I was up on his back. No saddle, no bit. Just me and him and a prayer. I just couldn't bare the idea of putting a bit in his mouth. I suspect the reason he was so gentle with me was that I was so gentle with him. He never balked. Not once. He was as patient and funny and awesome a horse as I ever knew. And he taught me that when one follows one's instincts, one is usually rewarded far beyond one's imagination. Ours was a match made in  heaven and I still cherish every moment we had together.

Now, the reason I bring all this up today is that it has been an eternity since I rode. For reasons I'd rather not get into, I just haven't. Physical limitations and other circumstances led me to this abstinence. I still have his lead and halter in my truck. I refuse to give them up. Even though he has gone on to other adventures, I believe with the whole of my Being that I will ride again. And now, it seems, that dream may be closer than I thought. Hence this particular meandering. In short...my life is about to change in a HUGE way.

Before I share what those changes are, I am going to offer this up and then take my leave. Because the truth is, it doesn't really matter why or how or what. What matters is that I have stood in this place of trust and unyielding belief for the past six+ years and now that belief is bringing me to my vision. Because I never stopped trusting that the gods would bring me back 'round to the things I love most, I am about to live them. And because of the love and support of so many people in my world, I take this grand adventure without fear or doubt. In essence, those things that we see in our minds, even when we cannot see them "in reality" (what a stupid word), those things are ours for the living. If only we will ignore the nay-sayers and continue on in our stubborn, tenacious way.

This I know for sure.

Do you?

trust the process....

Word was if I would just stay the course, I'd feel the tipping point. I'd reach that little milestone that would tell me I'd shifted. I would feel it, as one might feel a fever break.

Turns out, they were right. Contrary to popular belief, when such things happen, there are no grand angelic choruses or spine-tingling Ah-HAAAs. It's more like the moment just after the sun breaks over the horizon. You can sit there, watching the kaleidoscopic colors wash across the sky for those few minutes just before the sun rises...but when it does, it's nowhere near as stunning as the moments that preceded the rising. A bit of a let-down, if you choose to see it that way.

I don't.

For me, that tiny shift was just as spectacular as the moments leading up to it. It was an enormous sigh....of relief and of awareness. I felt it happen...and then I watched as everything in my world changed. The calm around me. The out-of-nowhere kindnesses of a person who had never once shown any hint of kindness. The smiles from strangers. The flow of revenues. The easing of my physical being. The deeper sleep. The taste of the tomatoes. All of it was heightened like never before.

All because I trusted the process. All because I knew that if I stopped taking count and just let stuff go the way it was meant to go it would bear the fruits of that trust. And now, as I sit and feel the calm that has washed over my world, I am in awe of the splendors that surround me. The sounds and aromas and even the taste of a simple glass of coke (which is, in itself, quite the rarity as I hardly ever drink the stuff!). Bruzer lazes at my feet and the sounds of my fountain gurgling on my desk make me grin like the Cheshire. I feel more alive than I've felt in eons. And all I did was trust.

Ain't that a HOOT?!

arguing your limitations???

I'll be the first to admit that there are still some occasions when I argue my limitations. It's quite the curious thing to me. That I would argue about why I can't do this or I can't have that. Very curious indeed. Especially given the fact that I am a devout believer in Anything Is Possible. So why in the world would I argue my limitations? It makes no sense whatsoever; yet, still I find myself doing just that. {I can happily report that I don't do it nearly as often as I once did. I'm much too aware of that icky feeling now. But...there's a point here...}

And here it is:

Let's say a friend calls you up and says, "Hey! Let's go on a road trip! We could cruise to the Grand Canyon and hang out for a few days. Whaddya say?"

To which you might respond, "Gee. That sounds terrific. BUT I don't have any money at the moment. So I "can't" right now."

And then you might launch into all the reasons why you don't have any money right now. You'll explain, justify, and give great detail about your "current financial circumstances". You are, in essence, arguing your limitations.

How could this possibly help? How could this ever change "what is" to "what I want"?

It can't. Not on any level. The more you stay stuck in that "story", the more you live it. It would be impossible for you to move past any of it until you change two things:  how you perceive your world, AND how you feel about it.

From all prior "experiments" I've done, I know without question that the way to change something is to SEE IT, FEEL IT, KNOW IT first. I can say this with deep confidence because I've done it. Lots and lots of times. Trying to figure out the "hows" is completely counterproductive. It is not our 'job' to figure out "how". That's a job for the Universe. Our job is to decide what we want, take the time to actually "go there" and then relax. Trusting that the Universe ALWAYS delivers, we can let it go and just watch with eager anticipation as it all unfolds. There is no need to DO anything else. Relax and watch the unfolding. Like a kid on Christmas Eve. Excited because you just KNOW that Santa is going to deliver. No fear. No doubt. No "but what if....". Just absolute confidence that ol' Santa is gonna show up and leave the loot under the tree.

Which brings us right back to the arguing limitations thing. It's like you're stuck in some kind of endless loop of "what is" without ever realizing you're putting yourself there. As in: it is all YOUR doing. You're the one who's playing that retched tape that plays the same crap over and over. What you may not realize is that you have the power to snatch that sucker out of the player and replace it with something different. And the best part about that? You DO NOT HAVE TO JUSTIFY WHY YOU DID IT. You don't have to justify ANYTHING you do. Not the red shoes you put on this morning or the sexy black bra you have on under your Lady Gaga t-shirt or the purple streaks you put in your hair last time you were having a bad hair day. There isn't a single thing you need justify to anyone; so why in the world would you argue your limitations?

It's just plain crazy.

the rambling ego

According to Forbes, there are nearly ONE BILLION BLOGS on the internet (right now!). That's a whole lotta blogs. How one blog gets to the top of such a heap is a mystery to me. But I got to thinking about this today whilst in the shower, singin' a tune and lathering my very short, curly hair. I was fully engaged in the moment, happy to have hot, running water and Bruzer lying right outside the bathtub playing sentry. Not that I need a sentry; but it sure is fun to sweep open the shower curtain and see him laying there, nubbie a -waggin', all happy to see me. He's just so darned cute. {see?}

Anyway...there I was, singin' in the shower when all of a sudden this thought pops into my head:

"GEEZLOUIZE! HOW IN THE WORLD DO I GET MY STUFF OUT THERE?"

I stopped lathering {and singing!} and let the thought run. As is usually the case, it wasn't long before another came along. Next thought was, "who cares?" 

It occurred to me that far too often we (I'm using the word "we" as a general term. Not anyone specific OR that it necessarily applies to you. Just sayin'...} do things just for the fun of it only to find ourselves all tangled up in the numbers.

As if more readers might somehow make life better.

As if being on the top of the heap would somehow alter life at all. As if....

The next thing ya know, I'm out of the shower, still pondering all this stuff, and gigglin' at myself for letting my ego ruin the moment. Well, almost. The moment wasn't really ruined; just the song I was singin'. Because those thoughts clamoring around in my brain had distracted me from my song. CRAP! {and a little giggle too}

As I toweled off and got dressed, the thoughts led me 'round to the reasons why I write this blog. It led me back to the beginning when all I really wanted was to lend some support to my own self. I hadn't begun this for anyone else. It was a means for me to take time, every day, to fortify my convictions of the choices I have. It was, at first, a kind of journal that I thought might lend some consistency to my otherwise inconsistent habits. I simply wanted to 'force' myself to write every single day.

Somewhere along the way, people started reading. And sending me messages. And getting involved in what I was writing. The more this happened, the more I began to pay more attention to them than my original intent. Pretty soon, I was checking my 'stats' every hour, just to see if there were 'more'. Whenever the numbers dropped, I'd get kind of bummed. How come they're not reading? How come there aren't more notes? Why didn't that post get any attention?

For a short while this became the focus of my writing. But only for a short while. Now, when I go back and look at the beginning...and the middle...and the now...I can see where I was writing for 'numbers' and where I was simply revealing truths that were there to lead me onward. So today, when all that stuff popped up I was able to recognize what it was in just a few short minutes. By the time I'd gotten dressed, I saw Miss Ego standing there, laughing at me in the mirror.

HA! GOTCHA! 

I must say, it did surprise me a bit. But then, contrary to popular belief, I am not ego-less. Yet. Still workin' on that. But (there it is: the inevitable 'but') I can also say that moments like that are a treasure too. Because without them, I'd not be able to readjust my focus and/or intention. To be sure, I love when what I offer helps others. It makes me very happy to hear the commentary or get the emails about how much this or that meant to someone. Still, it is not my primary 'goal'. I'm not that selfless. {truth can be ugly sometimes, eh?} 

It just so happens that I believe that the very best way to spread the joy is to live it. The best way to help others is to help one's self. That if you are true to who you are, and leave the ego crap behind, more will benefit from your truths. I tried doing it the other way 'round. It didn't work. I found myself "trying" to write, rather than just being the conduit for that splendid Source that IS. It seems quite clear to me that the numbers are nothing more than fuel for an ego I'd prefer not to feed. Ego never got me anywhere. Truth and Trust have. I prefer the latter (2) to the former. 

Besides...the moment I let go those egotistical demands, all kinds of goodness comes...and goes right back out to all the lovely souls who may have found their way here. Kind of a win-win, wouldn't ya say?

Opportunities ....

Every now and then an opportunity will present itself that is so large, so amazing...as to feel "too good to be true". You know that adage? "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is."
Well, I've never really considered that adage to hold much merit until recently. And then it occurred to me that adages live long because they ARE true. Go figure.

Anyway, so this opportunity presented itself just a week ago; a pretty amazing offer of "free" living: rent, food, utilities, etc., along with a small stipend and run of the place. 7.5 acres in the mountains...complete with barn, round pen, arena, and all the necessities for a horse. Not to mention that it even SNOWS there! (yes people. it does snow in Southern California.) And I LOVE the snow. Especially if I don't have to go anywhere if I don't want to. Which, of course, this opportunity included. Basically the requirements were minimal: prepare a few meals a week, keep the main house clean, feed a flock of exotic birds each morning and generally look after the place. Not the heavy stuff; they'd have "hands" for that. But the basic stuff. When the offer came, I thought, "HOLY HANNA! How can I say no to THIS???"

And then...I remembered who she was and how she'd treated me in the past. It all came back in large, vivid pictures...along with the feelings that accompanied those past experiences. Not only did I recall all that...but she seemed to be in exactly the same 'place' all these years later. A combative, confrontational, in-your-face kinda woman who loves nothing more than to exert (or attempt exertion) control over any and everyone around her. She prides herself on being "a powerful Aries" woman.

Now, to be fair, let me say that I, too, was very much akin to this woman. We even share the same birthday (years apart, but the same date); and when I first met her, I was in exactly that same space. So, in the beginning at least, it didn't strike me as anything less than a kinship. It didn't take long for me to realize that I'd been completely blinded by my own needs/desires to see the differences. And let me tell you, they were VAST. On the surface, we were very much alike. Under all that...not so much. It was during a time when my own life had been turned upside down and I was feeling rather vulnerable. In fact, I WAS vulnerable. I just didn't realize it at the time. Funny about that whole "hindsight" thing, huh?

So it came to pass that after all these years, she contacted me with this amazing offer. Like I said, at first it just seemed incredible. Live out up the mountains??? With a horse and all that space and a minimum of obligations? ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

Shortly thereafter, she called me and we chatted about the whole thing. At last I asked the dreaded question: "How in the world did you manage to buy a $5M property?"

Well, as much as I'd felt apprehension before asking that question, I was oh-so-glad I did. Because the moment I asked, she reacted. Note that I said REACTED. She did NOT respond...and she sidestepped in every imaginable manner, including copping a righteous attitude about my asking in the first place.

That was all I needed. At that moment I saw as clearly as I've ever seen precisely what was going on. I felt it in my gut to the point where it made my belly cramp. No kidding. It was like this enormous punch in the gut...bells sounding, flags flying, sweat poppin' out on my brow. The whole nine yards. And all I could think was "PRAISE ALLAH!!!" My intuition went into overdrive and I hadn't even spent more than a few hours pondering the whole idea. Talk about a freakin' life-saver! WHEW!

I ended up hanging up the phone without making a commitment, one way or the other. At that point I realized that there was a lot of baggage and I thought it might be a good idea to just give it a minute. Shortly thereafter, she wrote an email...and ranted about all the things she'd "done for me". (She even went so far as to say that I'd had a "victim mentality" and couldn't see it for what it was. Hmmmmm.) THAT was the icing on the cake. As I read the email, I could feel the grin slide onto my face, and that warm, fuzzy KNOWING wash over me.

NOT A FREAKIN' CHANCE IN HELL I'M DOING THIS. NO WAY, NO HOW. AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN.

The result of the whole episode was even more remarkable. Because the MOMENT I made up my mind to stay in this lovely place I currently call home I was awash with appreciation for ALL that I have. Including the occasional challenges I face living with someone else. Even though we have entirely separate spaces; I'm in the West Wing...and I mean that literally. The entire western portion of the house is upstairs and separate from his living quarters. The house is built in such a way that it provides complete privacy, from one end to the other. We share the kitchen and they yard, but otherwise, if I don't want to see him, or vice versa, it's easy to do. So on those occasions when I want to shoot him for being who he is (judgments. judgments. judgments.), I can just remove myself and let the moment pass. The space I rent is more than plenty for me. I have 2 bedrooms, one of which I use as my office, a full bath, and a loft that has both a 'living room' and a sitting room, which I use as a sort of breakfast nook. The views are stunning. The light is abundant (large windows in all rooms...all double-paned and well insulated.) There's a swimming pool, a rose garden, a vegetable garden and tons of orange trees. The house itself is on a cul-de-sac so there is no traffic other than those who live here. A total of 9 houses. All very private people, all well cared for homes. In short...PARADISE.

So why in the world would I leave all this? Why would I forgo this Paradise...except for MONEY? Oh sure. It'd be terrific not to have to pay rent or buy groceries or pay all the other monthly expenses we all have to pay to live as we wish. But at what price? Is paying rent worth more than serenity? Or learning the lessons I apparently chose to learn? Or knowing that at some point there WILL BE a disagreement (to put it mildly) that might put me in an even more precarious position? Is free rent/food/etc. worth my PEACE???

NOT IN A MILLION FREAKIN' YEARS.

I've spent the larger portion of the past 3 years learning about illusions. My own, of course. Illusions like "security" and "limitation" and "CAN'T". Illusions that kept me so tightly wound that I was like some kind of dormant volcano ready to explode with the slightest tremor of movement. A zombie with cool cowboy boots and not a clue about what it meant to actually LIVE. I was, for all intents and purposes, a Living Dead. The result of that kind of existence was the decline of my physical wellness. And when it hit, it hit HARD. So hard that I was (literally) immobilized. And when that happened, it woke my little ass UP.

So here I am now...with all kinds of opportunities presenting themselves. Not just the aforementioned opportunity. Many others as well. I have opted to accept some and decline others. Because now I can see that opportunities are there for us to choose, not only what we may wish to have, but also to see that what we DO have is perfect just as it is. In other words: contrast to further define those things that bring us joy.

There are no "once in a lifetime" opportunities. That's a bunch of fear-filled nonsense. Opportunities ABOUND. The only true question is:

Am I choosing through fear or trust?

Ain't Life G-R-A-N-D???!!!

little shifts

HOLY ANGEL CAKE! It's been more than a week, unbeknownst to me...until this morning when a friend asked "are you okay????". He mentioned that I hadn't posted anything in 'a while' and was worried that something was 'wrong'. Made my heart swell, and then...a giggle.

Truth be told, (of course. don't I always?), I've been on an odd little trip lately. Not 'bad' nor 'good'...just a trip. Taking it all in and letting things just BE for a change. Not the easiest thing to do sometimes, but oh-so-necessary. So, having said that, perhaps a bit of sharing is in order?

Rather than doing the whole "me. me. me." thang, I'm going to pose a few puzzlers that I've been mulling over, and see what kind of feedback ya'll have to offer. It's always delightful to get feedback, especially given that those of you who read this blog have always been so forthright and kind. Gives a girl some ease knowing there isn't going to be any ugliness comin' back at her, ya know?

So then...

I've known for some time that the majority of ailments that befall us (puny humans. giggle) are rooted in emotional seeds. Stress is the number one cause of most maladies, including the 'big ones' like heart dis-ease and cancer, neurosis (duh!) and even sociopathic disturbances. I could give you tons of statistics on this subject, but let's not go there. Boring and irrelevant. The point is, I've known this and still have had a bit of a struggle balancing what needs to be balanced. But what if...

What if the whole enchilada isn't so much about the knowing, but about the feeling? What if it's about just allowing things to be what they are without trying to 'work your way through' it? What if, instead of praying or meditating or chanting or whatever, we were to just sit somewhere and be with whatever it is that's causing us pain? Physical, emotional or mental. Doesn't matter. Rather than trying to figure it out or get it out, we were to just sit with it and BE. What if?

Also, what if we were to accept, fully and completely, that who we are and how we are is absolutely perfect? Rather than saying to ourselves, "Gee. I think too much. Maybe I outta get out of my head and into my soul. Maybe I'm just not capable of ....", rather than going there, what if we were to accept and be happy about who we are. What if we were to observe instead of immerse? What if we were to wrap our arms around the very things that we thought were the cause of our pain? What then?

I hear people saying "People don't change. They are who they are and no amount of therapy is going to change that core person." And whenever I hear this I feel myself immediately bristle. I want to shout at them, "WRONG! PEOPLE CAN CHANGE!" But lately I've made the choice to NOT shout or argue or convince because I've found that it doesn't help; not them nor myself. It's that whole "pushing against" thing. What's the point? It doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks. What matters is what "me" thinks. In the course of this new approach I've come to see that there is much to be gained from not pushing back. In my experience, this is an enormous shift. But then, this is coming from someone who has made it her life's mission (previously!) to school people. HA! You know that expression: "You can lead a horse to water..."? Well, that is precisely the picture that comes into my head when I think about pushing back. Ya can't make 'em drink, Missy!

I believe we are all very much creatures of habit. We get into our little routines, not just with our daily activities, but also with our thought patterns and responses to the world. NO. Not 'responses'. REACTIONS. We are innately wired to react. Again, there is a scientific explanation for all that, but I shan't go there either. It begins when we're in the womb. And it continues until we have our little epiphany...and then the changes can begin. Rather than reacting, we can choose to respond instead. Yes. There is a difference. Look at the words:

RE-act: to act or perform again.

When we react, we are literally RE-acting whatever comes at us. If someone is being a jerk and we react, then we're a jerk back. When someone pushes a button, we push one of theirs. RE-ACT.

Not such a good feeling.

Then there's response. Response, by definition, is: to reply or answer in words. Hmmmmm. Different? Me thinks so. One implies action, the other implies thought. From my perspective, there's a time lag...in which one can control what comes next rather than just mindlessly engaging in what might be a less-than experience. Kinda like the difference between having somebody toss a baseball at you when you're NOT wearing a mitt, and having that same person toss it when you're standing ready. In the former scenario, the reaction would be to duck so as not to get hit. The latter would be to catch the ball. See the difference?

Okay...so there are a host of ways that we all choose to be in the world. Some folks are perfectly okay with going through the motions, always on the defense, waiting for that ball to come flyin' outta nowhere. Other folks choose to trust that if the ball comes flyin' they're going to see it long before it hits them. The key here? Trust.

Somehow everything always lands on trust. Trusting Self. Trusting Source. Trusting the Universe. Trust is where I always land...and navigating the often murky waters in between seems to be the 'pushing against' part. So what if...rather than tug on the oars of this boat I'm sailing, muscling my way upstream, I could let go of those oars and just let the stream carry me?

Whaddya think?

From Fear to Trust?

Read this today:

"contemplating fear"

First thing that popped into my head was: "WHY????"
Why would anyone contemplate fear? Then...a second later I thought, "hold on a minute. Contemplation of any thing doesn't necessarily imply succumbing to it. Contemplation is merely a consideration or observation of a thing. NOT surrender."

Back to {the use of} words...again. How often we misuse them. How often we misunderstand them. How often we jump to conclusions rather than allowing the thought process to continue beyond the initial perception. It happens all the time. We all do it. And some do it more often than not. Still...to contemplate fear...could it be that by observing rather than surrendering we could eliminate it entirely?

I got to thinking that maybe fear is nothing more than a lack of trust. When I got to that one, I scanned the memory banks to places when I was in deep trust. Those moments in my life when I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that what I was doing was absolutely the right thing (for me). Those moments when I jumped off the cliff knowing full well that my wings would keep me from crashing. That enormously empowering kind of trust that wipes out all manner of fear.

The more I thought about it the more it resonated. Trust (or you might call it 'faith'. Whatever works for ya.) is the antidote to fear. Or maybe, better put: it is the key to transmutation.

{By definition: TRANSMUTE:to change from one nature, substance, form, or condition into another; transform.}

Seems to me that is exactly what trust does. It transforms fear into faith. Kinda like alchemy. Turns lead into gold. Same same.

Really liking that I read that little blurb. Made me really solidify (clarify?!) the whole fear/trust thing. Been working on that piece for a while now. Like that it's not cloudy anymore. REALLY like that the seed has been deeply planted so that the next time my little Lizard Brain goes to fear, I can tap on that seed and remember:

TRUST.