Stop. Saying. That.

Several years ago, I made a promise to myself: I would eliminate the phrase "I can't" from my vocabulary. I'd realized that I was saying it a lot. And when I say "a lot", I mean a LOT. Every time I didn't want to do something or was faced with something that was the least bit uncomfortable, I'd say, "I can't." Then I'd come up with all kinds of logical, and sometimes colorful, excuses to validate why. It had become a habit that I hadn't even realized I had adopted. When I finally saw it, you can be sure, I did not like it.

So I sat down one day and really gave it some thought. What things could I really not do? The list, at first, was quite long. I was using a method I'd been taught some years earlier; the method was to not think too hard. Just focus and write. Once I'd made my list of things I thought I couldn't do, I took another look. One by one I had to cross off the majority of those things. It looked something like this:

• fly
• paint/draw
• hunt
• build a house
• act (as in "be an actor")
• compose a musical score
• train horses
• father a child

{this is a very short example of what was a very long list; just don't want to bore you....}

As I said, I made the list, then I read what I'd written. Of those listed here, there is actually only one thing that I know, at this point in my experience, that I can NOT do. Father a child. I'm a girl. I don't have the equipment for that one. All the others, though, are things I may or may not be able to do. If I make the effort to learn. If I really want to.

{Hunting is not among the things I want to learn how to do. I'm sure if I had to, I could. But I wouldn't want to. I prefer to buy my food. That's a whole 'nother conversation for another day.}

Turns out, I can draw, and train horses, and compose a musical score. At the time the list was made, I'd never tried to do those things. I figured that since I didn't know how, I couldn't. But the funny thing is, when I put my mind to something, more often than not, I can.

The flying thing is still uncertain. But not impossible. Haven't really given it my all. Yet.

The point is, there are few things in life that we can't do. It's really a matter of mindset. And effort. And belief. "I can't" is simply a self-imposed limitation. The logical/colorful reasons are simply arguments for the limitations. So I asked myself, "why would you argue your limitations???"

I'm calling your attention to this now because it's come up. Again. I seem to have slipped back into that old habit. And I'm not likin' it one single bit. Since I noticed (again), I've taken action (again) to say "I can". And when I don't want to...whatever it is, I'll say "I don't want to."

It's my life. I can do or not do what I want. So can YOU.

That's the first step in empowerment. You just have to stop saying "I can't". You have to stop limiting yourself. You have to trust that you are equipped to do whatever it is you wish to do. Or be. Or have. Because you are a Being of Light. You are fully equipped for anything you want to do/be/have.

You just gotta ditch the self-imposed limitations.

And then

Get busy.

Arguing Your Limitations

Ever hear yourself making excuses for why you "can't" something or other? Ever find yourself wondering "how" you're going to do this or that thing? Ever get tired of that shit?

It seems pretty obvious afterwards, but when you're in it, not so much. I could write an entire book on the topic. We could call it "All the Reasons Why" or "Thanks for Asking But I Can't" or "I Just Don't Know How". Endless options for the same old crap. Excuses are excuses. 

Now I'm not saying that sometimes there really are reasons why you won't or can't or really don't know how. I'm sure there are perfectly good reasons for missing that family gathering that would cost you a month's salary or time off you really don't have. I'm also quite certain that there are moments when you just don't have the wherewithal to bother. I'm not talking about that stuff. I sure do understand the not wanting to's or the can't-be-bothered stuff. I'm talking about making a habit of the Auto Response. Like ...

Let's say that you've got some sort of hard-core malady going on in your body. You haven't worked in years. You're barely eking by. You might have an awesome Tribe who makes sure you eat, but more than bare essentials are out of the question. Or maybe you're just good at living on pennies. Or you have checked out of your Life because your pain is just too freakin' large. So you've gathered all these Auto Responses in an attempt to make it less painful to deal with all the things you've decided you "can't" do. Whether it's money or pain or transportation or isolation, you just don't see how you're going to do any of those things that really matter to you.

So you quit.

You make a decision to stop torturing yourself and just say no.

You find distractions to soften the agony of exclusion.

You argue your limitations.

This is  not unusual, nor is it difficult to understand. It's a whole lot easier to throw in the towel than it is to suffer through yet another agonizing denial of all that you wish you could do, be, have, experience. 

I get it.

The problem with this is once you've fallen into that nasty pattern, it's really, really, REALLY hard to even see that you're doing it. It's hard to see that you've gotten so good at arguing your limitations that you don't even know they're self-imposed. It's a fucking nightmare. It's also a great way to not live the life you came here to live.

{Aside #1 ~  You won't normally read me cussing, although I have been known to cuss like a proverbial sailor. However, I happen to think that the word "fuck", in all its various forms, is one of the best words ever. This stems as much from my childhood environs as from a discourse the late George Carlin offered in one of his bits. If you haven't seen it, do. It's fucking awesome.}

So then. Where were we?....Oh yes...arguing your limitations.

The way I see it, we can go 'round arguing our limitations, in which case they'll become ours forever and ever amen. OR we can have a look at how they're serving us (or NOT) and get rid of those fuckers. 

{Aside #2 ~ In case you didn't check out what George had to say on the topic, I have handily offered an examples. You're welcome. In the first sentence, when I said,  "It's a fucking nightmare", the word is used as an adjective. In the second sentence, a noun. Quite the versatile word, see?}

Before you can (get rid of these self-imposed limitations) you must first realize that you've made them your own. Even if they were initially installed by somebody else. Maybe you were told you couldn't do something or that you needed a Plan B or that you were too short, too fat, not good enough, blah blah blah. But after hearing that crap for so long, you bought it. The limitations now belong to YOU.

Once you have identified what they are (where they came from isn't important. Really.), once you get past that part...you really can begin to unload the boulders that have weighed you down like cement shoes from a bad Mafia movie, and find your way back to the Limitless Being that you truly are. You can write them down on fine linen papers and burn them in some kind of ritual. You can bid them adieu...and toss them over a cliff. You can bury them in the dirt and plant a tree on top. The most important thing is to realize that you're living in a state of exile, as it were, and if you want to have your life back, you'll have to cut those suckers loose.

And then

You can live your life. Just as you meant to.

So here we are....

Right back to where we always land....

CHOICES.

arguing your limitations???

I'll be the first to admit that there are still some occasions when I argue my limitations. It's quite the curious thing to me. That I would argue about why I can't do this or I can't have that. Very curious indeed. Especially given the fact that I am a devout believer in Anything Is Possible. So why in the world would I argue my limitations? It makes no sense whatsoever; yet, still I find myself doing just that. {I can happily report that I don't do it nearly as often as I once did. I'm much too aware of that icky feeling now. But...there's a point here...}

And here it is:

Let's say a friend calls you up and says, "Hey! Let's go on a road trip! We could cruise to the Grand Canyon and hang out for a few days. Whaddya say?"

To which you might respond, "Gee. That sounds terrific. BUT I don't have any money at the moment. So I "can't" right now."

And then you might launch into all the reasons why you don't have any money right now. You'll explain, justify, and give great detail about your "current financial circumstances". You are, in essence, arguing your limitations.

How could this possibly help? How could this ever change "what is" to "what I want"?

It can't. Not on any level. The more you stay stuck in that "story", the more you live it. It would be impossible for you to move past any of it until you change two things:  how you perceive your world, AND how you feel about it.

From all prior "experiments" I've done, I know without question that the way to change something is to SEE IT, FEEL IT, KNOW IT first. I can say this with deep confidence because I've done it. Lots and lots of times. Trying to figure out the "hows" is completely counterproductive. It is not our 'job' to figure out "how". That's a job for the Universe. Our job is to decide what we want, take the time to actually "go there" and then relax. Trusting that the Universe ALWAYS delivers, we can let it go and just watch with eager anticipation as it all unfolds. There is no need to DO anything else. Relax and watch the unfolding. Like a kid on Christmas Eve. Excited because you just KNOW that Santa is going to deliver. No fear. No doubt. No "but what if....". Just absolute confidence that ol' Santa is gonna show up and leave the loot under the tree.

Which brings us right back to the arguing limitations thing. It's like you're stuck in some kind of endless loop of "what is" without ever realizing you're putting yourself there. As in: it is all YOUR doing. You're the one who's playing that retched tape that plays the same crap over and over. What you may not realize is that you have the power to snatch that sucker out of the player and replace it with something different. And the best part about that? You DO NOT HAVE TO JUSTIFY WHY YOU DID IT. You don't have to justify ANYTHING you do. Not the red shoes you put on this morning or the sexy black bra you have on under your Lady Gaga t-shirt or the purple streaks you put in your hair last time you were having a bad hair day. There isn't a single thing you need justify to anyone; so why in the world would you argue your limitations?

It's just plain crazy.

What I Cannot Do....

It all started whilst watching my dog, Raja, play with her raven friend. Yep. She had a raven friend. Really. This raven lived in one of the big trees on the property where we lived. And when I say they were friends, I mean it. Whenever Raja was hanging out in the yard, especially when she was snoozin', Magick (that's what I called the raven) would fly down and land very close to her, squawking and fluttering his shiny black wings, making a ruckus large enough to wake her and send me to the nearest window to watch their antics. Each time this happened, I'd watch with awe as the two of them chased each other around. It was a delight to see these creatures play. Magick had an obvious affection for Raja. And she seemed to feel the same. Her tail would be a-waggin' and she'd have this grin on her face the whole time they played. A sight to behold. 

Anyway, on this particular day I happened to be sitting on the front porch, sipping some wine and watching the world go by. Raja was on the grass just below the porch steps, about to fall asleep. Her eyes were just barely open and her breathing was slow and even. We were both enjoying the sunshine and the smells that always follow a good rain. And then...

Magick came zipping down from out of nowhere, screeching to the high heavens, and landed not more than two feet from where she lay. Raja jumped up and the Big Chase began. Round and round they went, back and forth in front of where I sat. Each time Magick would land, she'd run toward him and at the very last moment, when Raja was maybe a foot away, he'd fly up and away. Raja would do her best to jump but she wasn't all that agile and her verticals weren't high enough to catch him. This went on for nearly half an hour. Raja was runnning out of steam and her dashing turned into a slow jog. Magick must have noticed because at the last touch down, he sat for a while longer, talking to her as she sat panted. Then, the moment she stood up again, he took off. She chased. When Magick reached the fence he flew up and over, leaving Raja to either jump or stop. She jumped. In fact, she jumped so high it looked to me like she was trying to fly. 

I was laughing so hard I nearly dropped my glass. And then I said, "You big silly dawg, you can't fly."

The moment the words came out of my mouth I was sorry I'd said them. She looked at me as if I'd really hurt her feelings. It was a sad, disappointed look as if to say, "How could you say such a thing? How do you know if I can fly or not?"

{Please don't talk to me about anthropomorphizing. Critters talk. You just have to listen.)

Well, that look gave me great pause. I got to thinking about that word "can't". She was right. How did I know if she could fly or not? I ran down to the fence and dropped to my knees, hugging her and apologizing for what I'd said. I promised her I'd never say it again. The whole incident got me to thinking even more about "can't".
Every year, around the beginning of December, I begin a process of reevaluation. I don't do 'New Year's Resolutions'; rather I prefer to have a look at my Life and see what I'd like to change. What would serve me best over the next year to enhance my Life, to reach new heights, to grow more of who I am? To this end, I take time to really look at my Self. It has proven to be a very valuable practice.

The incident with Raja and Magick had not left me. So that year, as I sat with pad and pen to begin my annual evaluation, I thought about what had happened. "Can't" was the topic of the day. What is it that I can't do? Why do I think I can't? How many things can I list that I know for certain I can't do?

The list started out pretty long. I didn't take time to really question anything on the list. I merely listed what I thought I could not do. After a few weeks, I sat with my list and, one at a time, gave each item my full attention. There were things like 'live forever', and 'cure cancer', and 'change the world'. And, of course, 'fly'.

As I sat with each item on my list, I began to see that almost every single thing was something I'd either not given my full efforts to or things I hadn't tried at all. How did I really know I couldn't do these things? How could I be sure that I could not if I'd never tried? Who was to say that I could not fly? Or change the world? Or live forever?

When I finally finished with my list, I'd crossed off all but one item. Because when it was all said and done, I really didn't know for sure that I could not do any of them. If I gave my full attention to any one of them there was every possibility that I could. The one thing I didn't cross off?

Sire a child. Not with the body I currently use to house my Soul. I am a woman. I can grow a child. But I cannot sire one. All the rest remains to be seen.

As for the flying thing?

Well....
I'm still workin' on it.