part of the process

It's still feels new to me. This whole "art" thang. Although it's been more than a couple of years, each time I pick up my pencil, I feel like it's the first time. I get this feeling of overwhelm. And even a bit of anxiety. The overwhelm, I think, stems from all the many images running through my head. The anxiety, from a long-seeded (or is that "seated"?) belief in "perfection". It's dumb, I know. But there it is.

Lately, I've been scolding meself for avoiding the one "subject" that probably means the most to me: The Horse. I love them. All of them. And I miss being in their presence more than I miss any Human on the Planet. I miss how they smell and the sounds they make and their often comical behaviors and how they make me feel. Nothing makes me feel the way a horse does. Must be some kind of kindred thing. But whatever it is, I miss them and it annoys me that I've avoided drawing them.

Why?

Because they're a big, giant, challenge.

The details of The Horse are what make them so magnificent. AND so challenging. Miss the details, lose the horse. And I'm not just talking about art work. Horses are complex creatures with much to teach us. They are the epitome of purity. And truth. And trust. You simply can not fool a horse. Some people think you can beat them into submission. But the real deal is when you earn its trust. Only then will you reach communion. Only then will you know what it means to experience the magick of equine friendship.

If it sounds like some holy testimony, you're correct. I revere them more than any other creature. Mostly because I have experienced this communion I speak of.

I'm tellin' ya, there's nothing like it.

So, my aversion to drawing them may also stem from a deep desire to do them justice. I don't want to just draw a horse. I want to feel it. I want to honor it. I want to have the viewer experience the majesty of The Horse. And this, my friends, is no easy task.

Anywayz....

As you may have read (in "Gathering Storm"), I've been hunting for a painting that I gave away some five-plus years ago. During the course of this search, I also made up my mind that I WILL paint one of my own. It may not look exactly like the one I gave away, but I don't really want that. I want it to be my own. In order to do this, I must first get a feel for a horse in motion. It's one thing to see it with you own eyes, and feel it as you ride. It's an entirely different thing to put it on paper and have it come alive. Therein lies my challenge.

But, you know... a girl's gotta start somewhere.

{First sketch. August 22, 2017. It's all part of the process, yes?}

Learning to Live on Critter Time

Mostly, Humans live on what can be called Linear Time. It's a 24/7 existence. For many, a dull, two-dimensional existence that makes one wonder why any of us bother. Get up, go to work, come home, do all the other stuff you have to do, go to bed....and start the whole thing over again next morning.

Really? Is that all there is? Is that why we're here?

I don't think so !!!

In the past several months, it has come to my attention, or should I say, a more clarified awareness, of just how much we count the hours/days/weeks. It has also become more clear that Critters don't share the same concept of time that Humans do. I've known this all along, but my awareness of this difference has become much more acute lately.

Take, for example, the little piece I posted back in December about The Magick of the Season; or the one I wrote a few weeks earlier about That FACE. Or even the one about Crow. In each of those postings, I spoke of things I wanted so badly, and their coming to fruition. Now, some months later, even more dreams are floating up to meet me, becoming realities that were only recently things I'd been imagining. For me, those "several" months seemed a long time passing. But if I weren't so conditioned to live on Human Time, I might not feel that way at all. Were I to look at the events of the past several months the way a horse does, I might not care at all that it took X number of days for these things to rise up into my life. Because I'm pretty sure that horses don't care about how many days have passed. Mostly, I think, they care about food and shelter and kind Beings in their presence. They care about whether or not they're allowed to BE horses, without abuse or neglect. They care about the Humans that care about them....and not a whole lot more.

At least, that's what I think.

I also think that once we get out of the rut of Linear Time, and start living like we came here to live...with great attention to Joy and doing all those things that make us happy, by taking time to imagine living those moments we so wish to live, by trusting that everything is exactly as it should be and we are precisely where we're supposed to be, we begin to actually LIVE those joyful moments, doing those things we so want to do, regardless of self-imposed limitations or economic circumstance. For me, horses are magic. And when the time was "right", I was led to a particular place, to meet a particular group of people AND horses, so that all those moments I spent imagining became actual moments I am now living.

And that, my friend, is what living on Critter Time is all about.

P.S. I would like to say a HUGE thanks to Lynne Hayes at Horse Spirit Ranch and the lovely Teddie Ziegler of Phoenix Farms for helping make my dreams come to life. Also, to PJ and Cinco, for doing such a fabulous job at being horses and reminding me that partnership is about heart, not money. It was a SPLENDID day! Tomorrow is here. I am deeply grateful.

The photos in this post were found on Pinterest; I could not find the origin of either, so if you know to whom the credit goes, please notify me and I will gladly post their names here. To whomever you are, thank you for these fantastic photographs!

Cowgirl UP!

T'was not so long ago that this was a part of my life. A huge part. I had the great fortune of meeting some folks many years earlier who became two of my biggest fans. That was back when I was performing in some of the smaller local venues in the Puget Sound area. I had a day job as a barista at a little place that was owned by a guy who really liked the idea of promoting local talent. So I'd make coffee by day and play by night. Good gigs both. That's where I met the couple who would eventually change my life. That is, they had horses, as well as a ten acre piece of heaven with a four stall barn and room for "extras". When Jack came across the horse that would be mine, he called me to come meet him. The horse was a bit "mouthy" and not the least bit kindly toward Two-Leggeds (Humans). For good reason. He'd been untouched for the better part of his thirteen years. The woman who had him was more interested in his kindly mama; she never rode the little guy. When his mama died, she tried to reconnect. He wanted nothing to do with her or her saddles, bits, reins, lessons, shoes or rules. So every time she tried to approach him, he'd rear and kick and bite and go a little cuckoo. Who could blame him?

To shorten this story just a bit, the woman finally called Jack who had to walk the poor critter seven miles to his own house because the critter would not have anything to do with loading onto a trailer. Two weeks later, I got the call. Why this man thought I was the person for this particular horse still remains a bit of a mystery to me. He told me that he'd had a talk with his "tribe" and was directed to "Qwanee". That is the Sioux word for "spirit guide". And that is what he always called me. Again, a bit of a mystery. But...I trusted this man to the nth degree and decided to go have a look at the horse.

To say that it was love at first sight is a grand understatement. For both of us. He just took an instant liking to me and I to him. From that moment on, I was his person. Shortly after our meeting, I was up on his back. No saddle, no bit. Just me and him and a prayer. I just couldn't bare the idea of putting a bit in his mouth. I suspect the reason he was so gentle with me was that I was so gentle with him. He never balked. Not once. He was as patient and funny and awesome a horse as I ever knew. And he taught me that when one follows one's instincts, one is usually rewarded far beyond one's imagination. Ours was a match made in  heaven and I still cherish every moment we had together.

Now, the reason I bring all this up today is that it has been an eternity since I rode. For reasons I'd rather not get into, I just haven't. Physical limitations and other circumstances led me to this abstinence. I still have his lead and halter in my truck. I refuse to give them up. Even though he has gone on to other adventures, I believe with the whole of my Being that I will ride again. And now, it seems, that dream may be closer than I thought. Hence this particular meandering. In short...my life is about to change in a HUGE way.

Before I share what those changes are, I am going to offer this up and then take my leave. Because the truth is, it doesn't really matter why or how or what. What matters is that I have stood in this place of trust and unyielding belief for the past six+ years and now that belief is bringing me to my vision. Because I never stopped trusting that the gods would bring me back 'round to the things I love most, I am about to live them. And because of the love and support of so many people in my world, I take this grand adventure without fear or doubt. In essence, those things that we see in our minds, even when we cannot see them "in reality" (what a stupid word), those things are ours for the living. If only we will ignore the nay-sayers and continue on in our stubborn, tenacious way.

This I know for sure.

Do you?

routines

The thing about habits is that once you break one, it's kinda tough getting back in the groove. Most folks talk about habits like they're a bad thing. But what about the good ones? Like brushing your teeth after every meal. Or going for walks with your dog every day. Or your morning exercise routine. Or ... making time to write every single day.

See, for those of us who are creatures of habit, once those little routines get mangled, it's like trying to untangle a thin rope full of knots. Not so easy as it looks. It takes patience and a stubborn commitment to either re-create that little routine or make a whole set of new ones.

Know what I mean?

Case in point: once upon a time, this writer wrote on both her blogs, 3 different eZine sites, AND her next book...every day except Sundays. Sundays are reserved for football, tennis, visiting with family, frolicking in the great outdoors, and assorted other mindless activities that rejuvenate this writer's brain. That routine worked quite well for me; for a long time. And then...all kinds of stuff happened. And the routines went out the window. Every day I'd tell myself, "Get back to it, girlie. You know what happens when you ditch the course." But somehow, I just let it slide.

So here we are. A new year and another new beginning, as it were. A time for seeing dreams clearly. A time for ditching the crap that doesn't feel right and making room for all the stuff that does. A time to git yer shit together...whatever that might mean.

To that end I have decided that instead of starting my day with crossword puzzles and hours on WeTopia, I shall begin each day with my Muse. I will make my coffee and invite her to join me. I will put everything else aside until I have written something somewhere that has not been written before. Well...at least by me. And then...we shall see just what this new year has in store for this hermit in the far reaches of a place called Hidden Valley.

Let the unfolding begin....

something to think about ~

If you've ever been on the back of a bucking horse you've not doubt felt the power of these magnificent creatures...along with the pure exhilaration and absolute terror of the moment. When it happens, all you can do is hold and and hope it doesn't kill you. I've experienced this more than a few times, and I can tell ya...it's something you never forget.

I'm one of the lucky ones.
I'm still here to talk about it.

Why horses buck is no mystery. There are a few reasons why horses buck ~ out of fear, or because they have some extra 'ya-ya's they need to get out (younger horses do this all the time. It's fun to watch...so long as you're not right next to them when they do it!), and sometimes, it's plain old frustration. They don't know what you're asking for. There are some 'links of knowledge' that are missing. They're confused, which leads to fear, which leads to full-blown YEEEEEHAWW! The trick, of course, is to remain calm (right!) and ride it out.

People, on the other hand, tend to handle frustration quite a bit differently. Some may react with anger and try to force a solution to the issue. Or maybe resort to the 'same old same old', as in repeating the same behavior and/or reaction, making the same unsuccessful efforts over and over and expecting a different result. I believe Mr. Einstein called this the definition of insanity. Some people react with resignation and abandon their efforts completely.

Another way to respond is with deliberation. Seeing that we're in over our heads, we can step back from the situation and start looking for ways to gain enough knowledge to come up with a workable solution. That is, if we don't let our egos get in the way. Always a problem. After all, it can be kinda hard to admit when we've come up against a situation we thought we were prepared for, but really weren't. It's not an easy thing, coming to the 'last link' in our chain of knowledge.

But here's the thing: whenever we're met with situations like this, especially if we're having to deal with someone else in their frustrated state, it's absolutely essential to not react. Take a minute (or 10) to see what's going on. Don't retaliate. Don't make some snarky comment. Don't push back. Because every time we do that, all we do is fuel the flames of that icky fire, make the other person feel even more defensive, AND make ourselves feel equally icky. It just doesn't work. The crap just grows and grows, turning into some ridiculous contest of wills. And it's not uncommon for the conversation to turn into the same kind of stupid crap we did when we were in grade school. Name calling. Finger pointing. Foot stomping insanity. NOT fun.

While some may argue that it's important to resolve an issue quickly, I tend to think there are times when it's best to just IGNORE them. When someone resorts to name calling and the like, it's usually because they're scared, insecure and simply not mature enough to handle the situation. Why bother fighting with that? If you just walk away, without saying a single word, it's quite likely (that) you'll simply take the air out of the whole stupid mess. If you don't retaliate, there's not a whole hellofalot they can do. Like the proverbial air in a balloon...it just fizzes out and drops to the floor. Then, after the person in question has a little time to think about what they've said and/or done, they may just see what you were trying to show them in the first place. But even if they don't, you still don't have to do their dance. After all, it is NOT your job to school every person you run across. It's their job to figure it out. Your only responsibility is to insure your own evolution, without harm, without malice, without judgment.

Just remember: It takes TWO to Tango.