part of the process

It's still feels new to me. This whole "art" thang. Although it's been more than a couple of years, each time I pick up my pencil, I feel like it's the first time. I get this feeling of overwhelm. And even a bit of anxiety. The overwhelm, I think, stems from all the many images running through my head. The anxiety, from a long-seeded (or is that "seated"?) belief in "perfection". It's dumb, I know. But there it is.

Lately, I've been scolding meself for avoiding the one "subject" that probably means the most to me: The Horse. I love them. All of them. And I miss being in their presence more than I miss any Human on the Planet. I miss how they smell and the sounds they make and their often comical behaviors and how they make me feel. Nothing makes me feel the way a horse does. Must be some kind of kindred thing. But whatever it is, I miss them and it annoys me that I've avoided drawing them.

Why?

Because they're a big, giant, challenge.

The details of The Horse are what make them so magnificent. AND so challenging. Miss the details, lose the horse. And I'm not just talking about art work. Horses are complex creatures with much to teach us. They are the epitome of purity. And truth. And trust. You simply can not fool a horse. Some people think you can beat them into submission. But the real deal is when you earn its trust. Only then will you reach communion. Only then will you know what it means to experience the magick of equine friendship.

If it sounds like some holy testimony, you're correct. I revere them more than any other creature. Mostly because I have experienced this communion I speak of.

I'm tellin' ya, there's nothing like it.

So, my aversion to drawing them may also stem from a deep desire to do them justice. I don't want to just draw a horse. I want to feel it. I want to honor it. I want to have the viewer experience the majesty of The Horse. And this, my friends, is no easy task.

Anywayz....

As you may have read (in "Gathering Storm"), I've been hunting for a painting that I gave away some five-plus years ago. During the course of this search, I also made up my mind that I WILL paint one of my own. It may not look exactly like the one I gave away, but I don't really want that. I want it to be my own. In order to do this, I must first get a feel for a horse in motion. It's one thing to see it with you own eyes, and feel it as you ride. It's an entirely different thing to put it on paper and have it come alive. Therein lies my challenge.

But, you know... a girl's gotta start somewhere.

{First sketch. August 22, 2017. It's all part of the process, yes?}

a study in self

I've been drawing for a little over two years. The entire process of discovery is both surprising and cathartic. I never knew I could (draw). Always said "I can't". Which is what brought me to exploring the process to begin with. Simply tired of hearing myself say those words.

Up til now, I've drawn critters and mountains, and more critters, and trees, and flowers, the occasional trailer, some boots, and...more critters. Never, until two days ago, had I drawn the Human face (or form). Too intimidating. Too scary. Too...out of my league. And then...I realized I was doing it AGAIN. I was hiding behind my fear to avoid doing something I thought I'd suck at.

{I am not a fan of sucking at anything. Pesky ego!}

ENOUGH!, I hollered.
STOP BEING SUCH A COWARD!

So, rather than attempting to draw some random face, I opted to draw my own. At first, my only reasoning was that it's one of the few pictures of me-self that I really like. Also, I thought it might be fun to try to get that nose right. I happen to like my nose. It is a large, strong, Italian nose and it suits my little face (and personality) perfectly. But lemme tell ya: that strong, Italian nose gave me a boatload of trouble. Just couldn't seem to get it right. Over and over, I'd draw and erase. Draw and erase. Walk away. Come back. Try again.

{"Samuel Becket said, "Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better."}

Having spent more than twenty hours on this, I can honestly say I'm pleased. It isn't an exact image of the photo I used. Nor are the "parts" all mirror images of my face. But it was an exercise. An attempt to do something that I was afraid to do. And even though I drew this on sketch paper, which is to say, flat paper, which leaves little room for layering and shading and some other techniques necessary to do such work, I am honestly pleased with the result.

But there's more to it than just how well I copied an image of my face....

In the process, whilst looking at every tiny detail and trying to work out how to create those details (back to technique again), I realized that I actually like my face. I mean, it's not beauty pageant material, nor is it a face that could launch a thousand ships (hahahaaaa!), but it's a good face with strong features and ... character. What I'm trying to say is that in the process of looking at this image of mySELF, I learned some things I might not have had I not tried.

I learned that this whole idea of "self-love" is more than just about how we look. It's got nothing to do with what anyone else thinks about us. Or whether or not we're "beautiful" to the world. Self-love is about appreciating who we are. The core of our selves. It is a slow (and sometimes painful) process, but one that can heal much and change the way we view our lives. Yes, this is an image of my face. But it's not about my face. It's about how I see my SELF.

Big, ginormous, difference.

I finally get why so many artists did self-portraits. Their reasons may have been entirely different. Their motivations may have come from any number of emotional "places". But, in the end, a self-portrait is a baring of one's deepest fears.

Fears that are founded in nonsense.

Another wall...crumbles.

{Original drawing by Camille Olivia Strate. © 2017. All rights reserved.}

Flew The Boot

My latest:

"Flew The Boot". Graphite on Bristol board. 11" x 14".

©Camille Olivia Strate

{Available for purchase. Contact Camille via StrateTalk (on FaceBook). 

be NICE.

It really is that simple. 

Remember, ALWAYS, that YOU get to choose who can "stay" or who must "GO!"

That's about all for now.

{what more need be said?}

Cheers, Love, and a BOATLOAD of JOY to you ~~~

Crow's Gaze

Graphite on toned paper. © Camille O. Strate.

"Crow's Gaze" 

...and then there are times...

..when words seem unavailable. And even the sound of my voice is irritating to me. Those times when I may go for days and days without speaking to a single Human. Sophie (my Dawg) may be the only one with whom I speak. There are, occasionally, moments when it seems unbearably lonely. But not often. Mostly I feel quite blessed to have the freedom to be without Human interference. Because, more often than not, when I am amid other Humans, I feel as if I am invisible. It may be because I wish to be unseen. It may also be that these other Humans are far too immersed in their own dramas that they don't see anyone at all. Only their lives. Their problems. Their crushed dreams shattered on the ground beneath their bloody feet.

A dreary and UNJoyful perspective, yes?

Do not despair. I wouldn't dream of leaving you in that place. This is, after all, about choosing Joy, is it not? Of course it is. I began the missive in this manner in order to offer the ol' yin/yang of Life. So...

Words are not always needed. Human interaction is also not a necessity for all of us. Those of us who have chosen such isolated lives have done so for reasons that needn't be discussed here. All that need be said is that for any person reading this missive, all you need remember is that your choices are your own. If you will take responsibility for those choices, you won't ever need to "explain" anything to anyone. Unless you want to. Otherwise, I say...choose what makes you feel best. Make your choices based on who you are, who you are becoming, who you know yourself to be. Whether or not you've "reached" that place of satisfaction (with your Self) is not something you need fret about. We are all becoming. That, in my experience, is precisely what Life is.

A Becoming.

Now...before I launch into a whole dissertation an that topic, let us come back 'round to the point of today's meandering...

When I am living those days where words are unavailable, I find a kind of peace that is otherwise absent when I am in full voice. Mostly it has to do with my Art. When I am in Artiste mode, I am fully and utterly immersed. I have no concept of time. Or what day it is. Or whether or not I have eaten. (Mostly, the grumblings from my belly let me know 'bout that!) Sophie is the only one who can break the trance. She may need to go outside. Or it's past time for our walk. Or she simply wants some attention. I am grateful to have her here. She keeps me from melting into my chair!

The gifts that ensue (the Silent Days) are, without question, worth every word not spoken. I end up with a pile of art that astonishes even me. I marvel at the beauty that comes from these hands...and the feelings the paintings relay. It is Magick at its very best.

I am grateful.

Fledglings: Finding Your Wings

As a fledgling artist, I find that using other people's works to hone my skills an absolute must. I don't yet have the techniques down. I still struggle to draw what I see in my Mind's Eye. I have ideas, to be sure. Yet those ideas turn out looking like blobs of incoherence (to me). In other words, for now, I attempt to copy things I see and am inspired by.

It is said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. That feels right to me. When someone tries to copy me, I do feel flattered. If I can inspire someone with my work, whether it is words or art or music, then I feel a sense of accomplishment. I would never try to pass off someone else's ideas or creations as my own. I give credit where credit is due. And if I still need to use a photo or painting to expand my own artistic Creator, then that is how it is, without apology or regret.

I bring this up today because I'm beginning to feel the pull of my own Creative Mind. It is nudging me toward the images in my Mind, rather than the images in others'. It is whispering, "Go on. Just give it a go. What's the worst that can happen?" The cool thing is, I haven't really tried in several months. Not since that last attempt at a face that turned out looking nothing at all like a face. It horrified me when I finished it. I thought, "OH.MY.GOD. You call yourself an ARTIST?" This is one of the dangers of thinking yourself a Perfectionist. These days, that word makes my skin crawl.

What the hell is Perfection anyway???

People who know me well have called me things like "anal retentive" and "obsessive/compulsive" and "never satisfied". I'm a Neat Freak. I like things in their proper place. The scissors go in this drawer. The clothes go here. The bed must be made every day. The shower stall must be squeegeed and wiped down. The toothpaste cap must be put back on without a bunch of crud around the edges. 

Yes. I'm one of those.

Still, there has been a major shift in my so-called anal-retentive-obsessive-compulsive-neat freak world. That is: there's no room for that shit in Art. Some of the best pieces I've done thus far came from mistakes. I was trying to do one thing and ended up somewhere else. Rather than tossing it in the trash, I went with the flow. I allowed my Creative to play. I ignored that Perfectionist (who was, by the way, screaming like a crazy person!) and did it anyway. And the more I do this, the more my Art seems to rise up. I'm outdoing mySELF by not listening to that annoying Perfectionist.

BUT......

my house is still neat.

upside down

I love me some Magpies. Crows in tuxedos. Funny critters that LOVE to play. There's a gal on Facebook, who lives in Australia, who has a whole family of Magpies that live in her back yard. She's got an entire, fabulous playground for them and is very good about posting pics and videos of their antics. One such picture was of one of them hanging upside down from a slipper she has dangling off a clothesline. It's the perfect portrayal of their characters. Just LOVE those critters!

So...today, on a lark, I thought I'd give it a go. I decided on a stick instead of a slipper. Here is the initial sketch. I'm sharing just fer giggles. I will also post the actual piece once it's finished (on proper paper). For now, enJOY. And remember:

Joy is a CHOICE! (these critters get that BIG TIME!)

Carolina's Orchid

She is more than a friend. She is a sister to me. She has been even more (a sister) since my own passed away last year. Of course, no one can be replaced. But sometimes a "surrogate" can help ease us through the most horrible of moments. AND share the most beautiful ones.

Carolina is that sister.

I painted this for her a while back and asked her to take a photo after she'd hung it. This is the result of that request.

I couldn't be more pleased, or honored, or happy about her gorgeous choice of frames, and location, and the love she showered on me when she received the painting.

I'm sharing it to spread the Joy. And the Love. And the great Gratitude I feel for her and her friendship.

Life IS a grand and glorious adventure.

Don't you think?

A Perfectly Froggy Ride...

Samuel Beckett once wrote,

"Ever try. Ever fail. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail BETTER."

I read that quote on the arm of one of my favorite professional tennis players. His name is Stan Wawrinka. He has that quote tattooed on his arm. Apparently, Stan the Man is a thinker. This appeals to me as much as his exquisite athletic talent. It is a quote I have remembered since I first heard/saw it. Today, it carries even more inspiration for me. Because....

Over the course of my life, I have dabbled in many artistic arenas. Mostly music and writing, but more recently, I have begun to uncover yet another gift that seems to have lain dormant for a very long time. With that revelation, more doubt, if only at first. You see, now, now that I understand Mr. Beckett's message more clearly, I have come to embrace doubt. And the nagging whispers of that pesky nay-sayer who wishes me to stop rather than fail.

To the Nag I say, "SHUT UP. Make your own art!".

Then, with a giggle and my stubborn resolve, I resume my work, knowing that no matter how good or not my work turns out, there is really no failure. Failure is merely a means to an end. The "end" is merely the beginning of MORE. More discovery. More honing. More of what is aching to be seen or heard or felt. In short, failure is a means to an end that has no ending. It is the fuel the keeps our Creative motoring along, ever unfolding, ever blossoming.

So then...regardless of your chosen explorations, whether or not you think you're good at it, do not ever be dissuaded by the notion of "failure". It is as much an illusion as time. As Yoda told Luke,

"NO! Try, NOT. Do. Or do not. There is no try."

{"4Ever Froggy" 

Original artwork by Camille Olivia Strate.

 © 2016. All rights reserved}

Through My Friend's Eyes

I have a dear friend, a photographer who is a master with his camera. He travels all 'round the world, hunting. With a camera. He hunts for the beauty that we would otherwise not see were it not for his expeditions. His work is as remarkable as his heart. And because of him, I have my dream back. I told you about him in November (2014) when I spoke of The Colt and how he reached through the screen and grabbed my heart. The photograph that sits atop this Blog is also one of Ken's. It is a picture of The Colt with his family of Mustangs, out in the wild, doing what horses do. Be horses. Since meeting Ken, and receiving my copy of The Colt,  I have watched in wonder as my world has changed. These changes are, in large part, because of Ken Archer.

This piece is my gesture to him. To thank him for the beauty he brings to the world. For his friendship and his unyielding encouragement. It is a testament to the remarkable Human that is Ken Archer. (you can view his work HERE)

Blue Orchid

Another adventure in dry mediums.
Blue Orchid: graphite and charcoal.
By yours truly, Camille Olivia Strate.
© All rights reserved.
(It's sold, but I'm happy to make another if you care to have one of your very own). Those interested in purchasing any of my art can reach me via FaceBook.

Happy New Year, my Lovelies!

Happy, happy, PiggyFace

...just for YOU
to bring a smile
to remind you that
Joy is a
CHOICE.

Happy New Year!

{Original art by Camille Strate. Graphite and charcoal. 12.30.15. All rights reserved.}

A Sunflower for Jenny

My latest, commissioned by my sweet friend, Jenny M. I am always so honored when someone asks for their very own painting. Makes my heart so happy! SOLD!

P.S. I've had several people express interest in this piece. I'm happy to oblige. If you're interested, you may contact me via my Etsy shop (WoodWitch on Etsy) Just click on the link, and then the "contact shop owner" link. There, you can give me you contact info (name/number/email) and I'll get back to you. I do NOT do prints. These are all individually painted, one at a time, just like in the good ol' days. Prices vary by size. Thanks for your support!

My Little Lovely

She is slowly making Herself known to me. She is my Little Lovely...the Mother of All Things. And soon to be the main character of my children's book. As I work, I realize that forcing this art is akin to attempting to grab hold of a snowflake. It cannot be done. We must allow our Creative to unfold, as a seed unfolds...and becomes what it intended. It's a beautiful lesson. One that I learn over and over, every time I pick up my pencil

Isn't She LOVELY?

Happy Trails....#2

I love trailers. My favorites are Airstreams; those silvery homes on wheels that seem to scream ROAD TRIP! So, after my first painting, I decided to do a series. There are so many options, you know? Not just with the trailers...but with the many places one could go in said trailer. This is a grand and gorgeous country, with countless options for stunning spots to see, explore, experience. Perhaps that is why I am so strongly drawn to trailers. Art has a way of transporting us...just as books do. We can travel the world without ever leaving the house. I call that GLORIOUS!