a study in self

I've been drawing for a little over two years. The entire process of discovery is both surprising and cathartic. I never knew I could (draw). Always said "I can't". Which is what brought me to exploring the process to begin with. Simply tired of hearing myself say those words.

Up til now, I've drawn critters and mountains, and more critters, and trees, and flowers, the occasional trailer, some boots, and...more critters. Never, until two days ago, had I drawn the Human face (or form). Too intimidating. Too scary. Too...out of my league. And then...I realized I was doing it AGAIN. I was hiding behind my fear to avoid doing something I thought I'd suck at.

{I am not a fan of sucking at anything. Pesky ego!}

ENOUGH!, I hollered.
STOP BEING SUCH A COWARD!

So, rather than attempting to draw some random face, I opted to draw my own. At first, my only reasoning was that it's one of the few pictures of me-self that I really like. Also, I thought it might be fun to try to get that nose right. I happen to like my nose. It is a large, strong, Italian nose and it suits my little face (and personality) perfectly. But lemme tell ya: that strong, Italian nose gave me a boatload of trouble. Just couldn't seem to get it right. Over and over, I'd draw and erase. Draw and erase. Walk away. Come back. Try again.

{"Samuel Becket said, "Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better."}

Having spent more than twenty hours on this, I can honestly say I'm pleased. It isn't an exact image of the photo I used. Nor are the "parts" all mirror images of my face. But it was an exercise. An attempt to do something that I was afraid to do. And even though I drew this on sketch paper, which is to say, flat paper, which leaves little room for layering and shading and some other techniques necessary to do such work, I am honestly pleased with the result.

But there's more to it than just how well I copied an image of my face....

In the process, whilst looking at every tiny detail and trying to work out how to create those details (back to technique again), I realized that I actually like my face. I mean, it's not beauty pageant material, nor is it a face that could launch a thousand ships (hahahaaaa!), but it's a good face with strong features and ... character. What I'm trying to say is that in the process of looking at this image of mySELF, I learned some things I might not have had I not tried.

I learned that this whole idea of "self-love" is more than just about how we look. It's got nothing to do with what anyone else thinks about us. Or whether or not we're "beautiful" to the world. Self-love is about appreciating who we are. The core of our selves. It is a slow (and sometimes painful) process, but one that can heal much and change the way we view our lives. Yes, this is an image of my face. But it's not about my face. It's about how I see my SELF.

Big, ginormous, difference.

I finally get why so many artists did self-portraits. Their reasons may have been entirely different. Their motivations may have come from any number of emotional "places". But, in the end, a self-portrait is a baring of one's deepest fears.

Fears that are founded in nonsense.

Another wall...crumbles.

{Original drawing by Camille Olivia Strate. © 2017. All rights reserved.}

Flew The Boot

My latest:

"Flew The Boot". Graphite on Bristol board. 11" x 14".

©Camille Olivia Strate

{Available for purchase. Contact Camille via StrateTalk (on FaceBook). 

Crow's Gaze

Graphite on toned paper. © Camille O. Strate.

"Crow's Gaze" 

Fledglings: Finding Your Wings

As a fledgling artist, I find that using other people's works to hone my skills an absolute must. I don't yet have the techniques down. I still struggle to draw what I see in my Mind's Eye. I have ideas, to be sure. Yet those ideas turn out looking like blobs of incoherence (to me). In other words, for now, I attempt to copy things I see and am inspired by.

It is said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. That feels right to me. When someone tries to copy me, I do feel flattered. If I can inspire someone with my work, whether it is words or art or music, then I feel a sense of accomplishment. I would never try to pass off someone else's ideas or creations as my own. I give credit where credit is due. And if I still need to use a photo or painting to expand my own artistic Creator, then that is how it is, without apology or regret.

I bring this up today because I'm beginning to feel the pull of my own Creative Mind. It is nudging me toward the images in my Mind, rather than the images in others'. It is whispering, "Go on. Just give it a go. What's the worst that can happen?" The cool thing is, I haven't really tried in several months. Not since that last attempt at a face that turned out looking nothing at all like a face. It horrified me when I finished it. I thought, "OH.MY.GOD. You call yourself an ARTIST?" This is one of the dangers of thinking yourself a Perfectionist. These days, that word makes my skin crawl.

What the hell is Perfection anyway???

People who know me well have called me things like "anal retentive" and "obsessive/compulsive" and "never satisfied". I'm a Neat Freak. I like things in their proper place. The scissors go in this drawer. The clothes go here. The bed must be made every day. The shower stall must be squeegeed and wiped down. The toothpaste cap must be put back on without a bunch of crud around the edges. 

Yes. I'm one of those.

Still, there has been a major shift in my so-called anal-retentive-obsessive-compulsive-neat freak world. That is: there's no room for that shit in Art. Some of the best pieces I've done thus far came from mistakes. I was trying to do one thing and ended up somewhere else. Rather than tossing it in the trash, I went with the flow. I allowed my Creative to play. I ignored that Perfectionist (who was, by the way, screaming like a crazy person!) and did it anyway. And the more I do this, the more my Art seems to rise up. I'm outdoing mySELF by not listening to that annoying Perfectionist.

BUT......

my house is still neat.

Carolina's Orchid

She is more than a friend. She is a sister to me. She has been even more (a sister) since my own passed away last year. Of course, no one can be replaced. But sometimes a "surrogate" can help ease us through the most horrible of moments. AND share the most beautiful ones.

Carolina is that sister.

I painted this for her a while back and asked her to take a photo after she'd hung it. This is the result of that request.

I couldn't be more pleased, or honored, or happy about her gorgeous choice of frames, and location, and the love she showered on me when she received the painting.

I'm sharing it to spread the Joy. And the Love. And the great Gratitude I feel for her and her friendship.

Life IS a grand and glorious adventure.

Don't you think?

A Perfectly Froggy Ride...

Samuel Beckett once wrote,

"Ever try. Ever fail. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail BETTER."

I read that quote on the arm of one of my favorite professional tennis players. His name is Stan Wawrinka. He has that quote tattooed on his arm. Apparently, Stan the Man is a thinker. This appeals to me as much as his exquisite athletic talent. It is a quote I have remembered since I first heard/saw it. Today, it carries even more inspiration for me. Because....

Over the course of my life, I have dabbled in many artistic arenas. Mostly music and writing, but more recently, I have begun to uncover yet another gift that seems to have lain dormant for a very long time. With that revelation, more doubt, if only at first. You see, now, now that I understand Mr. Beckett's message more clearly, I have come to embrace doubt. And the nagging whispers of that pesky nay-sayer who wishes me to stop rather than fail.

To the Nag I say, "SHUT UP. Make your own art!".

Then, with a giggle and my stubborn resolve, I resume my work, knowing that no matter how good or not my work turns out, there is really no failure. Failure is merely a means to an end. The "end" is merely the beginning of MORE. More discovery. More honing. More of what is aching to be seen or heard or felt. In short, failure is a means to an end that has no ending. It is the fuel the keeps our Creative motoring along, ever unfolding, ever blossoming.

So then...regardless of your chosen explorations, whether or not you think you're good at it, do not ever be dissuaded by the notion of "failure". It is as much an illusion as time. As Yoda told Luke,

"NO! Try, NOT. Do. Or do not. There is no try."

{"4Ever Froggy" 

Original artwork by Camille Olivia Strate.

 © 2016. All rights reserved}

Through My Friend's Eyes

I have a dear friend, a photographer who is a master with his camera. He travels all 'round the world, hunting. With a camera. He hunts for the beauty that we would otherwise not see were it not for his expeditions. His work is as remarkable as his heart. And because of him, I have my dream back. I told you about him in November (2014) when I spoke of The Colt and how he reached through the screen and grabbed my heart. The photograph that sits atop this Blog is also one of Ken's. It is a picture of The Colt with his family of Mustangs, out in the wild, doing what horses do. Be horses. Since meeting Ken, and receiving my copy of The Colt,  I have watched in wonder as my world has changed. These changes are, in large part, because of Ken Archer.

This piece is my gesture to him. To thank him for the beauty he brings to the world. For his friendship and his unyielding encouragement. It is a testament to the remarkable Human that is Ken Archer. (you can view his work HERE)

Blue Orchid

Another adventure in dry mediums.
Blue Orchid: graphite and charcoal.
By yours truly, Camille Olivia Strate.
© All rights reserved.
(It's sold, but I'm happy to make another if you care to have one of your very own). Those interested in purchasing any of my art can reach me via FaceBook.

Happy New Year, my Lovelies!

Happy, happy, PiggyFace

...just for YOU
to bring a smile
to remind you that
Joy is a
CHOICE.

Happy New Year!

{Original art by Camille Strate. Graphite and charcoal. 12.30.15. All rights reserved.}

A Sunflower for Jenny

My latest, commissioned by my sweet friend, Jenny M. I am always so honored when someone asks for their very own painting. Makes my heart so happy! SOLD!

P.S. I've had several people express interest in this piece. I'm happy to oblige. If you're interested, you may contact me via my Etsy shop (WoodWitch on Etsy) Just click on the link, and then the "contact shop owner" link. There, you can give me you contact info (name/number/email) and I'll get back to you. I do NOT do prints. These are all individually painted, one at a time, just like in the good ol' days. Prices vary by size. Thanks for your support!