Six Years With An Angel

It was six years ago today that Sophie and I met. It had been four days since Bruzer's passing and I was a complete mess. I couldn't stop sobbing. I couldn't eat or sleep or think. A "mess" is a vast understatement. But then, on the morning of the 26th of April, I got up and decided that I would not torture myself a moment longer. After a bit of research (Humane Society) I took off for the coast.

The moment I saw her I thought, "Ohhhhh! I hope she picks me!" Because in my heart I KNOW that it is they who choose us. NOT the other way around. She was in her very large kennel with her "roommate" and a woman who was sitting on the floor giving them cookies. I didn't think I stood a chance. When given the choice between a cookie and a stranger, what would YOU choose?

I watched for a few minutes, just taking it all in. The woman finally saw me standing there and asked would I like to meet one of them. I told her yes I would but after they got their treats. She said that they'd had enough; then she said "which pup would you like to meet?"

I pointed to Sophie (who, by the way, had been named "Silver Lining". What the hell??? What kind of name is THAT for a Dog?!). She put Sophie on a leash and walked her out of the kennel, gave me a handful of treats and handed her over. We then walked to an enclosure that had artificial turf and a bench on either end. She told me to spend as much time as I liked and when I'd made up my mind, to walk her into the lobby.

Being the smart puppy she is, she'd seen me put those little treats in my pocket and knew they were for her. She didn't make one bit of fuss as we walked into the enclosure. I sat down on one of the benches and asked her to "SIT". She looked at me with a blank stare, wagging her tail, waiting for a treat. I had to giggle. Cutest face EVER!

I spent about half an hour with her and then asked if she wanted to come home with me. By that time all the cookies were gone and still she followed me from one end to the other. I asked again. She wagged her tail and walked to the gate. I had my answer.

It's about an hour's drive from that shelter to our home. She rode the whole way with one paw on my leg. I was laughing and crying simultaneously. Mostly because I just KNEW that my Bruzer had a hand in the whole affair. Also because I could feel my heart healing as we drove.

From the moment she walked through the door, she was home. I knew it. She knew it. And I like to think Bruzer knew it too. She did not erase the pain of losing him, she merely made it more bearable for me. Hers was a sketchy past. Someone had found her living on the streets of El Centro, pregnant and filthy and starving. How she ended up on the coast is a mystery. One thing is certain: she was on her way to ME.

There isn't a day that passes that I don't thank her for coming to live with me. Each morning I sing her a song that says so. And she wags her tail and gives me kisses and I know she's grateful too.

Living with an Angel is about as good as it gets.

Sophie chose Joy.
Me too. 

Can Forgiveness (REALLY) Heal?

It's tricky business: FORGIVENESS. And I've no doubt there are likely about a gazillion articles, books, blogs, podcasts, etc. ad nauseaum, on the topic. Probably because...it's tricky business.

It may be "tricky" for a lot of reasons, but in my experience, after you clear away all the Ego and Excuses and ExtraCurricularBullshit, it turns out, it really isn't so tricky after all. Because, in the end, we all find out (eventually) that forgiveness isn't about whomever it is we blame for our pain or sadness or unfortunate circumstances. The act of Forgiveness is an act of Love...for ourSELVES.

Now, if you've ever read any of the nineteen bazillion "self-help" books out there, you've likely already heard this. OR if you happen to be of a certain religious pedigree. OR if you just stumbled upon this little nugget by "accident" matters not at all. What matters is that you reach that moment. That you finally get it. That you feel the excruciating hole in your heart begin to fill up again. And if you haven't yet reached that moment, perhaps I can provide a little hope for you until you do.

Let us back up for a moment (because you know that it's nearly impossible for me to write in any kind of chronological way).

A few years back, a dear and beloved friend of mine sent me a book she thought I might enjoy. The name of that book is "The Shack". It is a novel, written by a clearly "christian" man, who may or may not have had some semblance of a similar experience to the main character in the story. It is the author's rendition of what he believes is the ultimate answer to all the pain and grief and inexplicable agony we must endure until we find our way back to faith. At that moment in my Life, I wanted no part of any such story. I had (and still have) no interest in stories about "god" or "faith" or religious mumbo jumbo. To me, those stories are nothing more than stolen lore that were rewritten by a bunch of power-hungry men who wanted to control the masses. I've always believed that.

I still do.

Problem arose, though, when it occurred to me that my fascination with Mythology was nothing more than a curiosity about what makes Humans so vulnerable to such stories. I mean, just because millions of people "believe" in some god or other doesn't mean that my inquisitive mind should dismiss their versions of any given Mythology. Just because I fancy Pan or Odin or Kokopelli over the "God of Abraham" is not a good reason to visit a story by some man from Canada who may or may not have a gift to write, right? In the end, three years after she sent me the book the first time, she sent it again. This time I was ready to read it.

I will tell you that the book is beautifully crafted. The story is both excruciating and exhilarating. Between the tragedy of the main character's horrific event and the lengths to which he was willing to go to relieve the pain of his life, the other characters in the story came to life on those pages. By the time I finished, I was wanting more. And believe when I say, I was stunned by this realization.

Fast forward several years: the book has now been made into a movie. Among the cast are the brilliant Octavia Spencer (of "The Help" fame, among others) and the darling Tim McGraw (of Country Music fame). The rest of the cast were actors I'd never heard of. But I really wanted to see it just so I could see how it would compare to the book. {Also, one of the characters is portrayed by a delicious looking man named Aviv Alush. YumYumYummy man!} When it was released on DVD, I rented it and watched with a mix of trepidation and eagerness. Remember, I already knew the story and when I say "horrific", I mean horrific.

I actually had to pause the movie several times so I could gather myself and calm my heart rate down to a reasonable pulse. I called my dear friend and said, "I'm not sure I can watch it." She assured me that I'd be happy I did if I could just make it through the first part of the story. So I grabbed a box of Kleenex, poured a glass of wine, and returned to the film.

I can't even begin to tell you how much this movie affected me. In all kinds of ways. On all kinds of levels. But the one thing that stuck out, days and weeks after I'd watched it, was a particular scene in which the main character must utter the words "I forgive you". It was one of the most heart-wrenching scenes I've ever witnessed. It tore me up so bad that I had to pause (again!) and call my friend (again!) and get a little more assurance that it was "worth it". That scene sticks with me to this day. And brings us back 'round to this whole long-winded missive.

Forgiveness.

Whether of not there is a god, or a place called heaven or Love so powerful it can restore us, is of little importance. People get to choose what to believe in. What god to worship. How to live their lives. But no matter the choices we make, it is essential that we all come to understand that Forgiveness is absolutely, positively essential if we are to live with any semblance of Joy. In the end, no matter what "happens" when we leave the Planet, it is the space in between that makes or breaks a Life. Forgiveness, the most powerful form of Love I know, is the key to such a Life.

But then ... who am I to say?

sign posts

Seems to me there are lots of folks who've forgotten or simply don't notice just how much Magick abounds. Some call it "miracle". Others, "luck". And still others..."coincidence". But, no matter what you call it, it HAPPENS.

A LOT.

We get so caught up in the minutia of daily Life, we forget to pay attention. We forget just how Magickal a sunrise is. Or a bird's song. Or a pup looking at you with those eyes all full of Love. Or the touch of a child's hand. Or a stranger lending a hand. Or a butterfly alighting on your hand. Or...

I'm guessing you get the point.

Over the course of the past decade, much has happened to lead me to a rather large shift in perspective. For all the pain and suffering I imposed on myself, I can see now that much of that "suffering" was of my own doing. Because, just as JOY is a choice, so then is SUFFERING. And when we choose to look for Joy, and give suffering the boot, we open ourselves to the Magick I speak of now. The Magick that is the Source of All Life. The Magick of a Universe so vast, our puny Human minds can't come close to grasping Its magnitude. Magick that not only abounds, but is a part of each and every one of us.

Think about how Life begins.

It is nothing more than a gooey smear of fluids, combined in a warm, nutrient rich environment, where it melds together to form a fetus. And then...a Being!

If that ain't Magick, I don't know what is.

I offer this today because I think it needs remembering. I think we are in such a tumultuous moment that if we don't remember just how much Magick there is, we might have our Spirits crushed by the weight of the madness. We don't need to go there. Remember...

it's ALL about choices.

Invictus

In light of the Circus yesterday (in D.C.), I waited until today to give meself a minute to process. Truth be told, I did NOT participate. Not in any way. No TV. No social media. No involvement of any kind.

Why?

Because, my friends, as I've said over and over and over again: Joy is a CHOICE.

Yesterday I chose Joy.

Here's the thing: I knew that watching the inauguration would cause my stomach to heave and my heart to ache. I knew that no matter what, there wasn't a single thing I could DO to change the fact that a new president would be taking office, regardless of my opinions, preferences, emotional distress. SO, rather than participate in all that, I chose, instead, to lavish myself with all things JOYFUL.

It was an intensely stormy day here. HUGE wind and rain and cold and wildness. I love that kinda day. I began with an hour of study. Next, I spoke to a dear friend about the many blessings in our lives. Did some yoga. Had a long, hot shower. Took my darlin' Sophie to the nearest strip mall where we could walk without getting soaked. {She is not a fan of walking in the rain.} Once home, I poured a lovely glass of wine, fired up the fireplace AND the oven, and set about the happy task of making some oh-so-yummy Double Chocolate Banana Bread.

{YUMMMMM!}

Oh yea.

Whilst the bread was baking, filling our humble abode with its fabulous aroma, we sat on the bed and watched the storm. The wind was howling so loudly it drowned out the music I had playing. Sophie was still shivering, both from being a bit damp and from her fear of storms, so I wrapped her in a blanket and cuddled her until she settled down. I had candles at the ready in case the power blew, and felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for this place we call Home. In all, I spent the entire day in my happy, loving space, with nary a care in the world.

The Circus would go on, with or without me. And THAT, for me, is A-OK. I write these words now for a couple of reasons. First...I do believe in active participation, whatever that means to you. I believe that we ALL make a difference. I believe that in order for there to be GOOD in this world, we must do our part. There is a saying: "All that is needed for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing." This strikes a chord for me. {I hope it does for you too.}

Secondly, there are many ways for us to participate. What matters is that we DO. Whether it is marching for the rights of HUMANS, or getting in the faces of those in office, writing to share good messages, or lighting a candle and saying a prayer. All these things matter BECAUSE of the energy required to do them. Energy is energy. Regardless of how small and insignificant it may seem, what goes OUT will come back 'round. So...

You can participate without leaving your Joy behind.
You can focus your intentions to good end.
You can make a difference, even if you are but one person (aren't we ALL?).

OR...

You can choose to ignore it all and let someone else do the work.
Just remember: There is power in numbers.
We DO have the power to change what needs changing.

It is, as always, a matter of CHOICE.

EnJOYOGA ~

At the turn of the calendar year, I made a couple of promises to meself for 2017. Not one to make "New Year's Resolutions", I prefer to envision doing some things I've not yet done. Like go to The Grand Canyon. And..YOGA.

I have a sister who happens to teach Yoga at the local YMCA, and she's been kind enough to have me over (to her home) for a lesson. It was an hour long, and it was a large challenge for me. Mostly because of the way my body is currently demanding my attention. I don't need to lose weight (don't judge me!) and I have no desire to sculpt my physique as I once did. My Gym Rat days are over. I bid them farewell a decade ago, but not without a fuss. It wasn't really a choice so much as it was about me heeding my body's message:

TIME. FOR. CHANGE.

And so, after her private class I decided I needed to find something a bit more gentle. Not that she was forcing me to do poses I couldn't. Quite the opposite. She repeatedly reminded me to "ask" and then listen to what my body would agree to. It was both beautiful and frustrating. I never forgot the feelings, though, after it was over. I felt so energized. I felt energy actually moving through me. I felt a profound sense of gratitude. I knew that I needed to do more of this. I also knew it was about finding the proper regimen for my particular set of circumstances.

So, I went to a class at our local library. It was NOT to my liking. For so many reasons. For the sake of brevity (here), suffice to say that the instructor and the energy in that room were not what I was looking for. I left the class with even more determination.

I will find the right-for-me teacher.

I had already done some major perusing on YouTube. You can find videos on anything there. And so I did. I found this woman, who goes only by "Candace", who struck a chord. She has a vast collection of videos on many types of Yoga, from the beginner to the highly-practiced. I was looking for something that would allow me to actually do the entire regimen without feeling like I'd failed. I wanted gentle movements, not ones that would pain me to try. I also knew the voice of the instructor mattered. It's a thing for me. I'm a singer by nature, so voices do matter. A LOT. When I heard Candace's voice in that first video, I knew I'd found the one.

BINGO! is what I heard.

Now, a little more than a week later, I cannot even begin to tell you how happy I am to have found her. I'm listening to her wise guidance (about pain) and her gentle way of working through the routines. I'm excited to do them. I feel fantastic! And...it's definitely changing the way I move throughout my day. In all, it's MAGICK! So, I thought I'd share her YouTube channel with you. Just in case you have the urge to do something you've never done. OR to do something a little differently. OR...just because.

Regardless of your current situation or physical circumstance, I do believe she's worth a few moments of your time. If it's not your thang, you might like to share with your own friends/loved ones if they're looking for some inspiration. Either way, I thought it worth the time to tell you.

As always, Joy is a CHOICE.
So is Yoga.

Cheers!

Yoga by Candace

HALLELUIAH BIRTHDAY ~

Tomorrow marks the day I made my grand entrance onto the Great Blue Planet. And so, I will begin yet another voyage 'round that enormous ball of energy that fuels Life here on Earth.

For reasons unknown to me, I keep hearing this line from an old Star Trek episode where this being from another planet addressed Captain Kirk and the crew as "ugly bags of mostly water". Don't ask me why it popped into my head. I don't have a clue. But as I sat here giggling (just as I did back when I first heard it), I couldn't help wondering about the connection between being ugly bags of mostly water living on a planet that is also mostly water.
Did Gene Roddenberry know something we didn't know all those years ago?
Did he see the havoc we would wreak on the only home we have?
Was he trying to tell us something?

Whether or not it is part of the larger cosmological plan or just some freak accident, it seems it ought to deserve at least a minute. I mean, if we're made up of the same stuff that the planet we're zooming around on, wouldn't you think we'd want to take better care? Of both?

I don't know about you, but I have not a stitch of an inkling of desire to go rocketing out into space to find some other planet to destroy. I like this one just fine. I like the Trees and the Critters and, sometimes, even the Humans that inhabit this place. I'd say it's worth caring for. I'll leave the space travel to whomever it is that finds such things exciting. Gimme a big ol' chunk of land with Trees and Water and Horses and Dogs and leave me to my livin'. I'll even grow my own food. Although, truth be told, I'd rather somebody else do that work for me. But, if push comes to shove (WHERE in the world did that saying come from?!) I could grow my own food. I'm not sure about the meat thang though. I'd probably have to go vegetarian because I don't see me killin' any Critters just so I can eat. I know. What a flippin' hypocrite.

HEY! DON'T JUDGE!

Anywayyyyyz....

I'm really rambling here. Mostly because there are about nine gazillion things flyin' through my brain and I figured this might be a good way to calm that zoom down. Also, I've got my perky on. Sometimes these things happen, you know? And when my brain goes into warp drive, I can usually find a bit of calm if I sit here and type. "Sometimes" being the operative word here. I suppose I could go whip up some dinner or roll around on the floor with my Dawg. But it's been a while since I dropped ya'll a line, so I figured maybe I could double down and see what might tumble outta this here brain of mine.

So...to wrap things up before I go meandering down a road I don't care to meander, I'll leave you with this:

Birthday or not, Life is a grand and glorious adventure and I am deeply grateful to have today and all the days after this one to explore and evolve and play with the Magick that is my Life.

Oh. One more thing, just in case you forgot...
Life is about choices.
JOY is a choice.
What do YOU choose?

HALLELUIAH BIRTHDAY TO ME!

just a few words....

just a few words...and one AWEsome photo, to let you know I'm still here, thinking, loving, caring, evolving. for now...I wish you the most BEAUTIFUL day and night and tomorrow.....

On Any Given Sunday....

...you may change your colors

to suit your needs

you may hold tight your pain

or get your groove on

now

on any given sunday

it is your choice

to feel the joy

or ride the swell of

angst

that you have created

it is always

your

choice

Let the Good Times Roll

One of my favorite things about letting stuff happen is...letting stuff happen.

{HUH?}

More often than not, when "stuff" happens, folks get all kinds of tizzied up.

{Aside #1: A tizzy is a dither. A dither is...well, I could school you, but what fun would that be? Look it up.}

{Aside #2: I take liberties with words. Because I can. We call that "creative license". Please. Calm yourself. It's okay. How do you think all these ridiculous "urban dictionary" words come about? At least mine make some semblance of sense. What the hell is "cray cray" anyway? What are we? Two year olds? GEEZ.}

And, more often than not, if you'd avoid the tizzy entirely, you'd find that your calm will guide you to where you're meant to go in the first place. Kinda like the detour thing {remember?}. Stay calm. Follow the road signs. Be daring. And, for Pete's sake, don't freak out.

In the course of a mere twenty four hours {okay. maybe more than that. But still. Not a lifetime or anything close to it. A day or two in the Big Picture? Pretty much a sneeze. Nothing to get yourself in a dither over.

{Aside #3: see what I did there? Oh goodie. You looked it up. Bravo!}

Anywayz....as I was saying...

In the course of a mere twenty four hours, your whole life can get turned upside down (or right-side upped) and before you can say "Holy Pizza Sauce!", you’re wondering what the hell happened and why. At the moment of collision, you have two choices: freak out or handle it.

Wait. Maybe let's add a third choice: ignore it.

I can see you rolling your eyes. I can hear you saying, "Oh for Pete's sake. Here's another one of those LaLaLand fluffies who buries her head in the sand." I understand. I used to be the same way. Til I figured out that sometimes, the best thing you can do is pretend it ain't there. Because if you run at it head on, you're going to knock yourself out when you hit that brick wall. You’re gonna have a knot on your head the size of a grapefruit and the stars flyin’ in front of your face are gonna blind you to anything remotely helpful.  In other words, sometimes you just can't control It. And that uncontrollable It is gonna kick your ass. For now. So...just ignore it til you've got a better perspective. And a little more calm. Which leads to more power. Which then leads to your ability to do what needs doing to make It "right". But between here and there (lack of control vs. inspired insight), the best way to keep that molehill from growing to a mountain is to look the other way. Focus on the stuff you can control. The stuff that makes you smile or laugh or clap your hands and dance. Put all your attention on those things you can control. Even if it's nothing big. Like pulling weeds from your garden. Or making your best breakfast dish for dinner. Or playing frisbee with your dog. Anything that will distract you well enough to clear the fog of helplessness. Anything that will keep your energy UP and your fear from growing. Fear is a killer if you don’t have the tools to manage it.

Also, it ain’t much fun.

Which leads me {kind of…} back ‘round to the beginning. In less than the time it takes to get blown out of your socks, you can make the choice to walk over to your dresser, grab a clean pair, put them on, and find something else to do. Just for now. Because sooner or later you’ll have a new set of eyes with which to see whatever It is that’s putting a kink in your groove. But only if you can keep yourself calm enough to hear the Voice that’s always going to be there to whisper directions. You’ve just gotta trust that. You’ve gotta know, in your gut, that there is always a solution. Trick is to trust the timing. Trust your Gut. Trust the Love that is always with you. The Universe doesn’t need a clock. There is no Time. All that is an illusion created by those who wish to control things they have no business controlling. Just trust.

Everything happens at exactly the perfect moment. Your job is to chill, enjoy, and let the Good Times roll.

It works.

Every time.

What's Your Mantra?

Do you have a mantra? Is there a word or phrase that you call up when you get in a tight spot? Do you take time to listen to your heart when it's hurting? Or scared? Or confused?

I'm not talking about sitting in the Lotus position and chanting "Om" for hours every day. Not everybody can go there, even when they think they want to. I admire folks who can do that sorta thing. I'm not one of them. I find sitting very still for long periods of time quite excruciating. Also, I don't think it's necessary for every Being to do such things to find their groove. I think it's more about...

Finding what works for you.

For those of you who've been here a while, you already know that my mantra is

Joy is a choice.

I have used this mantra for many years in order to remind myself that I need not stay anywhere that feels like shit. It's a choice. 

Joy

Happiness

Agony

Despair

All of them, choices.

I'm not saying we won't feel those things sometimes. The sad parts are an important piece of the fabric that makes up what we call "Life". You gotta have some Ick so you'll appreciate the Joy even more than you would without it.

That does NOT mean you have to stay mired in it. 

It just means, you take the so-called good with the so-called bad and once you've seen the contrast, you can move on.

Choices.

So I got to thinking about the choices we make and whether or not we have the tools to make the choices that will most benefit us. Like whether or not to buy that bunch of tulips that make you so happy even though you've only got $23 to your name. Or whether or not to take that puppy home when you're already stretched so tight you don't know how you're going to put gas in your car. Or accepting an invitation from someone you barely know. Or getting rid of all those clothes you haven't worn in years. 

These are minuscule, you might think. But maybe not so much. Maybe it is precisely these kinds of choices that make our lives joyful .... or NOT. Maybe it is the little things that matter most. Maybe, just maybe, if we have some kind of mantra to carry around with us, we will stop for those three seconds and think about how whatever choice we're faced with makes us feel.

When I wrote Whispers, I didn't realize just how much I relied on my Intuition. I wrote the book as an exercise for my Self. A way to review the magick of my Life so I could remember just how blessed I really am. By the time I was finished, I saw that even the horror that I was facing at that time could not diminish the truly marvelous path I had taken. 

In short, it was the beginning of a brandy new way for me to live.

Hence, the mantra.

Joy is a choice.

Yes. And I do believe that if you don't have one (a mantra, that is), it might behoove you to find one that suits. It doesn't have to be "holy". It doesn't have to be "deep". It could be as simple as TRUST or STOP or YES. But whatever it is, it would be there to remind you that your life is your own; the choices you make are yours. Nobody lives in your skin. And nobody gets to tell you what you "should" or "shouldn't" do, or be, or say. 

Mantras are cool like that.

So....

What's your mantra?

There Is No Try

One of my very favorite movie quotes is that of Yoda when young Luke was attempting to raise his soon-to-be-swallowed-by-the-swamp ship. Yoda was doing his Yoda best to get the boy to focus. And at some point, the young Skywalker said, "I'M TRYING!". To which wise Yoda replied, "Try, not. Do or do not. There is no try."

Never forgot that. Even though I wasn't a huge fan (I only saw the first two movies), I always loved that darlingYoda. He was, to me, the quintessential Yogi. (Gee. Ya think that's what George was thinking all along?) To me, Yoda was the absolute best of all of us. And, with or without his sword, he yielded a mighty power that, to this not-so-young-lass, still affects. I often hear his voice when I'm in a tight spot. It's a funny voice to hear, but there you have it.

What struck me most about that particular quote was that, like everything else Yoda said, its simplicity was indisputable. How can you argue with that kind of logic? I  mean, either you are going to do something or not. There really isn't any in between. You're either doing a thing or not doing it. You may be in the midst of that doing. You may be half way there. You may be struggling with it. Or not. But no matter what, you are either doing it or not. Just because you aren't finished doesn't mean you aren't doing it. See what I'm getting at here?

So then...what's all this about "trying" anyway?

Well, it occurred to me recently that for all the insanity that has been my Life for the past six years, the one thing that never changed was my unyielding determination regarding the end result. That is to say, I'd gotten both a diagnosis and a prognosis. Neither of which I accepted. I refused to believe what "they" said it was or how I would "end up" (in a wheelchair!) None of it made any sense to me. Nor did it feel right when I thought about it. Somewhere inside me I just knew that there was something off. At first I fought. Hard. Then I realized that I could negotiate with my own beliefs until I found a balance between what "they" were saying I should do and what I thought was right for me. Little by little I found that course corrections were going to be a part of this whole adventure. Rather than saying, "Well, I'm going to try to do this or that...", I just took each segment of the journey as it came. I wasn't trying, I was doing. I didn't realize when it all began that it would take me all the places it has. Nor did I realize that it would affect so much of who I am. It took a long while to see that the whole of the journey would be just that: a Journey. So rather than drive myself off the bridge, I just toodled along until I got the hang of it. Kinda like when you're learning how to ride a bike. Sure, you're going to crash every now and then. But before too long, you're cruising along as if you'd been riding your whole life. It's not about trying, it's about doing. Even if you're doing it badly.

Now, it may seem that there is a bit of ambiguity here (regarding the actual matter at hand) but I do this purposely. Because, as with most things, it is not about the subject matter, but rather about the attitude one has while experiencing whatever it is that one is facing. Whether you are facing a dis-ease or a financial challenge or a broken heart or the loss of a loved one or...any number of icky things we all face during our lifetimes. No matter. What matters, from onset to end, is that we realize we have choices...and we make them according to what feels best. Choosing to be terrified is your absolute option. As is laughing in the face of it. Or hiding 'neath the covers. Or drinking yourself into a stupor so as to avoid it altogether. We all have choices to make each and every day. It isn't about trying, it's about choosing. Choosing a Joyful path is one way to make things a bit less terrifying and a lot more fun. 'Course, that's a choice too. Either way, there is no try. Do or do not. 

Your choice.

Just decide!

Ever notice how sometimes, after a whole lot of agonizing and frettin' over something, that the moment you make a CHOICE, everything seems to just go "A-H-H-H-H-H-H-H."? Ever notice that?

Lately I've been noticing just how much fun that can be. Rather than sitting in the muck of indecision, and gettin' all itchy from the stuff in the muck, it seems that all I need do is MAKE A CHOICE. Once I have, all manner of ickiness just flies out the door. No kidding.

Case is point:

I've always had this "thing" for my hair. It was my favorite 'thing' about my physical appearance. I used to buy all the best products for it, and basically pamper it to the nth degree. For most of my life I wore it long. Long and luxurious and thick and silky. LOVED my hair. Still do. That is...until just recently (for the past few months or so). It started falling out in huge clumps. Kinda like what you see when somebody is undergoing chemotherapy. It was DREADFUL! And it really was freakin' me out. Every time I washed it I'd see this massive mound of hair sitting on the drain screen and I'd go nuts. Got to the point where I just didn't want to wash it cuz I didn't want to see it sitting in a pile. TERRIBLE I tell ya.

I figured out why it was happening and talked to the Doc about it. She said that it was a result of one of the meds I'd been taking BUT as soon as I got off those meds it would grow back. Well yippeee yahooo. When, exactly, might that be? I sat with myself over this little conundrum for a long, long time. Kept going back and forth about what mattered most: feeling better or having beautiful hair. I couldn't believe I was being so silly about the whole thing. I couldn't get over the fact that my hair was running for the hills while I was trying to get my body to rebalance. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE????

I even had a friend bring over some wigs to try on. We talked about the transition and how it was just another part of my 'process'. We talked about how, in the Big Picture, it didn't mean diddly. We talked about my options. Still, I couldn't seem to find any relief from the 'now' feelings of horror over having it fall out. I was really stumped.

And then....

I was watching some Pink videos on YouTube...and found myself completely awed by this woman's beauty. It was that video from the Grammy Awards (if you haven't seen it, Click Here). The name of the song is 'Glitter in the Air" and I'm tellin' ya, I was rapt. Must have watched it about 4 or 5 times when all of a sudden I jumped up and hollered, "THAT'S IT. I'M DONE. I AM CUTTING IT OFF!"

Picked up the phone and called my darling stylist gal and told her what I wanted to do. She hadn't seen me in a while and asked what had happened. I told her about the past few months and how I'd been agonizing over it and how I was just plumb wore out over the whole stupid thing. She suggested that perhaps we go "a little at a time" with the cut. I said no. No half-assing it. I want it cut and I want it cut SHORT. So we made the appointment, I sent her some pics so she could get an idea of what I was talking about and then....

I danced around the house like a crazy person. I felt SO good for just having made the decision. I felt free and light and giggly. I felt like I'd just dropped a hundred pounds off my shoulders. And I haven't even cut it yet! That will be tomorrow. Tomorrow afternoon....on the anniversary of my mom's passing. Go figure. I'm going to chop it off and groove on my new "look". And probably wear a lot of fun little hats to keep my silly pea-head warm. I mean, who the hell cuts their hair off right before winter????

I do.

Stay tuned.

Opportunities ....

Every now and then an opportunity will present itself that is so large, so amazing...as to feel "too good to be true". You know that adage? "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is."
Well, I've never really considered that adage to hold much merit until recently. And then it occurred to me that adages live long because they ARE true. Go figure.

Anyway, so this opportunity presented itself just a week ago; a pretty amazing offer of "free" living: rent, food, utilities, etc., along with a small stipend and run of the place. 7.5 acres in the mountains...complete with barn, round pen, arena, and all the necessities for a horse. Not to mention that it even SNOWS there! (yes people. it does snow in Southern California.) And I LOVE the snow. Especially if I don't have to go anywhere if I don't want to. Which, of course, this opportunity included. Basically the requirements were minimal: prepare a few meals a week, keep the main house clean, feed a flock of exotic birds each morning and generally look after the place. Not the heavy stuff; they'd have "hands" for that. But the basic stuff. When the offer came, I thought, "HOLY HANNA! How can I say no to THIS???"

And then...I remembered who she was and how she'd treated me in the past. It all came back in large, vivid pictures...along with the feelings that accompanied those past experiences. Not only did I recall all that...but she seemed to be in exactly the same 'place' all these years later. A combative, confrontational, in-your-face kinda woman who loves nothing more than to exert (or attempt exertion) control over any and everyone around her. She prides herself on being "a powerful Aries" woman.

Now, to be fair, let me say that I, too, was very much akin to this woman. We even share the same birthday (years apart, but the same date); and when I first met her, I was in exactly that same space. So, in the beginning at least, it didn't strike me as anything less than a kinship. It didn't take long for me to realize that I'd been completely blinded by my own needs/desires to see the differences. And let me tell you, they were VAST. On the surface, we were very much alike. Under all that...not so much. It was during a time when my own life had been turned upside down and I was feeling rather vulnerable. In fact, I WAS vulnerable. I just didn't realize it at the time. Funny about that whole "hindsight" thing, huh?

So it came to pass that after all these years, she contacted me with this amazing offer. Like I said, at first it just seemed incredible. Live out up the mountains??? With a horse and all that space and a minimum of obligations? ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

Shortly thereafter, she called me and we chatted about the whole thing. At last I asked the dreaded question: "How in the world did you manage to buy a $5M property?"

Well, as much as I'd felt apprehension before asking that question, I was oh-so-glad I did. Because the moment I asked, she reacted. Note that I said REACTED. She did NOT respond...and she sidestepped in every imaginable manner, including copping a righteous attitude about my asking in the first place.

That was all I needed. At that moment I saw as clearly as I've ever seen precisely what was going on. I felt it in my gut to the point where it made my belly cramp. No kidding. It was like this enormous punch in the gut...bells sounding, flags flying, sweat poppin' out on my brow. The whole nine yards. And all I could think was "PRAISE ALLAH!!!" My intuition went into overdrive and I hadn't even spent more than a few hours pondering the whole idea. Talk about a freakin' life-saver! WHEW!

I ended up hanging up the phone without making a commitment, one way or the other. At that point I realized that there was a lot of baggage and I thought it might be a good idea to just give it a minute. Shortly thereafter, she wrote an email...and ranted about all the things she'd "done for me". (She even went so far as to say that I'd had a "victim mentality" and couldn't see it for what it was. Hmmmmm.) THAT was the icing on the cake. As I read the email, I could feel the grin slide onto my face, and that warm, fuzzy KNOWING wash over me.

NOT A FREAKIN' CHANCE IN HELL I'M DOING THIS. NO WAY, NO HOW. AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN.

The result of the whole episode was even more remarkable. Because the MOMENT I made up my mind to stay in this lovely place I currently call home I was awash with appreciation for ALL that I have. Including the occasional challenges I face living with someone else. Even though we have entirely separate spaces; I'm in the West Wing...and I mean that literally. The entire western portion of the house is upstairs and separate from his living quarters. The house is built in such a way that it provides complete privacy, from one end to the other. We share the kitchen and they yard, but otherwise, if I don't want to see him, or vice versa, it's easy to do. So on those occasions when I want to shoot him for being who he is (judgments. judgments. judgments.), I can just remove myself and let the moment pass. The space I rent is more than plenty for me. I have 2 bedrooms, one of which I use as my office, a full bath, and a loft that has both a 'living room' and a sitting room, which I use as a sort of breakfast nook. The views are stunning. The light is abundant (large windows in all rooms...all double-paned and well insulated.) There's a swimming pool, a rose garden, a vegetable garden and tons of orange trees. The house itself is on a cul-de-sac so there is no traffic other than those who live here. A total of 9 houses. All very private people, all well cared for homes. In short...PARADISE.

So why in the world would I leave all this? Why would I forgo this Paradise...except for MONEY? Oh sure. It'd be terrific not to have to pay rent or buy groceries or pay all the other monthly expenses we all have to pay to live as we wish. But at what price? Is paying rent worth more than serenity? Or learning the lessons I apparently chose to learn? Or knowing that at some point there WILL BE a disagreement (to put it mildly) that might put me in an even more precarious position? Is free rent/food/etc. worth my PEACE???

NOT IN A MILLION FREAKIN' YEARS.

I've spent the larger portion of the past 3 years learning about illusions. My own, of course. Illusions like "security" and "limitation" and "CAN'T". Illusions that kept me so tightly wound that I was like some kind of dormant volcano ready to explode with the slightest tremor of movement. A zombie with cool cowboy boots and not a clue about what it meant to actually LIVE. I was, for all intents and purposes, a Living Dead. The result of that kind of existence was the decline of my physical wellness. And when it hit, it hit HARD. So hard that I was (literally) immobilized. And when that happened, it woke my little ass UP.

So here I am now...with all kinds of opportunities presenting themselves. Not just the aforementioned opportunity. Many others as well. I have opted to accept some and decline others. Because now I can see that opportunities are there for us to choose, not only what we may wish to have, but also to see that what we DO have is perfect just as it is. In other words: contrast to further define those things that bring us joy.

There are no "once in a lifetime" opportunities. That's a bunch of fear-filled nonsense. Opportunities ABOUND. The only true question is:

Am I choosing through fear or trust?

Ain't Life G-R-A-N-D???!!!

little shifts

HOLY ANGEL CAKE! It's been more than a week, unbeknownst to me...until this morning when a friend asked "are you okay????". He mentioned that I hadn't posted anything in 'a while' and was worried that something was 'wrong'. Made my heart swell, and then...a giggle.

Truth be told, (of course. don't I always?), I've been on an odd little trip lately. Not 'bad' nor 'good'...just a trip. Taking it all in and letting things just BE for a change. Not the easiest thing to do sometimes, but oh-so-necessary. So, having said that, perhaps a bit of sharing is in order?

Rather than doing the whole "me. me. me." thang, I'm going to pose a few puzzlers that I've been mulling over, and see what kind of feedback ya'll have to offer. It's always delightful to get feedback, especially given that those of you who read this blog have always been so forthright and kind. Gives a girl some ease knowing there isn't going to be any ugliness comin' back at her, ya know?

So then...

I've known for some time that the majority of ailments that befall us (puny humans. giggle) are rooted in emotional seeds. Stress is the number one cause of most maladies, including the 'big ones' like heart dis-ease and cancer, neurosis (duh!) and even sociopathic disturbances. I could give you tons of statistics on this subject, but let's not go there. Boring and irrelevant. The point is, I've known this and still have had a bit of a struggle balancing what needs to be balanced. But what if...

What if the whole enchilada isn't so much about the knowing, but about the feeling? What if it's about just allowing things to be what they are without trying to 'work your way through' it? What if, instead of praying or meditating or chanting or whatever, we were to just sit somewhere and be with whatever it is that's causing us pain? Physical, emotional or mental. Doesn't matter. Rather than trying to figure it out or get it out, we were to just sit with it and BE. What if?

Also, what if we were to accept, fully and completely, that who we are and how we are is absolutely perfect? Rather than saying to ourselves, "Gee. I think too much. Maybe I outta get out of my head and into my soul. Maybe I'm just not capable of ....", rather than going there, what if we were to accept and be happy about who we are. What if we were to observe instead of immerse? What if we were to wrap our arms around the very things that we thought were the cause of our pain? What then?

I hear people saying "People don't change. They are who they are and no amount of therapy is going to change that core person." And whenever I hear this I feel myself immediately bristle. I want to shout at them, "WRONG! PEOPLE CAN CHANGE!" But lately I've made the choice to NOT shout or argue or convince because I've found that it doesn't help; not them nor myself. It's that whole "pushing against" thing. What's the point? It doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks. What matters is what "me" thinks. In the course of this new approach I've come to see that there is much to be gained from not pushing back. In my experience, this is an enormous shift. But then, this is coming from someone who has made it her life's mission (previously!) to school people. HA! You know that expression: "You can lead a horse to water..."? Well, that is precisely the picture that comes into my head when I think about pushing back. Ya can't make 'em drink, Missy!

I believe we are all very much creatures of habit. We get into our little routines, not just with our daily activities, but also with our thought patterns and responses to the world. NO. Not 'responses'. REACTIONS. We are innately wired to react. Again, there is a scientific explanation for all that, but I shan't go there either. It begins when we're in the womb. And it continues until we have our little epiphany...and then the changes can begin. Rather than reacting, we can choose to respond instead. Yes. There is a difference. Look at the words:

RE-act: to act or perform again.

When we react, we are literally RE-acting whatever comes at us. If someone is being a jerk and we react, then we're a jerk back. When someone pushes a button, we push one of theirs. RE-ACT.

Not such a good feeling.

Then there's response. Response, by definition, is: to reply or answer in words. Hmmmmm. Different? Me thinks so. One implies action, the other implies thought. From my perspective, there's a time lag...in which one can control what comes next rather than just mindlessly engaging in what might be a less-than experience. Kinda like the difference between having somebody toss a baseball at you when you're NOT wearing a mitt, and having that same person toss it when you're standing ready. In the former scenario, the reaction would be to duck so as not to get hit. The latter would be to catch the ball. See the difference?

Okay...so there are a host of ways that we all choose to be in the world. Some folks are perfectly okay with going through the motions, always on the defense, waiting for that ball to come flyin' outta nowhere. Other folks choose to trust that if the ball comes flyin' they're going to see it long before it hits them. The key here? Trust.

Somehow everything always lands on trust. Trusting Self. Trusting Source. Trusting the Universe. Trust is where I always land...and navigating the often murky waters in between seems to be the 'pushing against' part. So what if...rather than tug on the oars of this boat I'm sailing, muscling my way upstream, I could let go of those oars and just let the stream carry me?

Whaddya think?

a word on courage

{to read the comic, click on the pic. It'll open into a larger view.)


It keeps coming up. From all around me. People keep 'telling' me about my courage. About how 'brave' I am. Personally, I don't really look at it that way. To me, it's merely a matter of choosing between love and fear. Or rather, taking the fear and turning it into love. A sort of transmutation.

Truth is, most of us do the same thing. We choose. Sadly, all too often we choose fear. You can balk all you want. But just take a moment and think about it. Those icky feelings in your gut. The stress that seems to be ever-present. The worry when 'something' happens that puts you in doubt.

All that?

Fear.

I'm not saying it's an 'easy' thing to do. But it's pretty clear that we have the choice. When we face our fears and see them for what they are, we can transmute them into love. They're there to help us. Not paralyze us.

(my personal fave:)
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real

Anyway...I have this quote on my wall that I took from one of my favorite books (Another Roadside Attraction, by Tom Robbins). I read that quote every day to remind myself that there is NOTHING I cannot face and, more importantly, turn to my advantage. All fears are learned. Some came from a long, long time ago. Others more recently. Either way, it became quite apparent to me that in order for me to transmute said fears (into love) I must see them as nothing more than learned beliefs that I can change. Since they are learned behaviours, it would seem they can also be unlearned. And so, little by little, one moment at a time, I do. I look them square in the 'eye' and ask, "what do you want?". Answers always come. ALWAYS.

So then...that quote:

"You risked your life, but what else have you ever risked? Have you ever risked disapproval? Have you ever risked a belief? There is nothing particularly courageous about risking one's life. So you lose it. You go to your hero's heaven and everything is milk and honey til the end of time, right? You get your reward and suffer no earthly consequences. That's not courage.

Real courage is risking something you have to keep on living with.
Real courage is risking something that might force you to rethink your thoughts.
And suffer change.
And stretch consciousness.
REAL courage is risking one's cliches."

Carry on, you splendid Being of Love!
You DO have the courage...to live your life exactly as you wish.
What's YOUR choice?

and you think YOU have problems????

Oh yea. You got big troubles. Your life is in a shambles. You're feelin' like you're facing a firing squad and there's not a soul in the world who can save you. Woe to me. (no. I didn't misquote. If you've seen "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", you'll get it. If you haven't...you might want to. HILARIOUS movie. It will also give you great insight to this imp who meanders here. I'm not Greek...I'm Italian. Same same.)

Bills to pay, no money to pay them. The knucklehead is giving you more crap than a dairy farm with 4973 cows. The boss is a jerk. No pay raise in sight. Car broke down last Tuesday. Kids are being a giant pain in the butt. The dog has shat in the den so many times you're wondering why you didn't buy stock in Chem-Dry years ago. Oh...and then there's the whole Spring allergy thing. GEEEZUSSSSSSSS!

Okay. Are you freaked out yet? Are you asking yourself, "What the hell happened to that happy, joyful,incorrigible Spirit who USUALLY writes here????"

Take a breath, my friend.

I'm still here.

I was just primin' ya.

So...now that both The Muse and Miss Humor have returned, I've been washed in all kinds of marvelous Magick. Oh yea. The Magick is back too. OHHHHHHHHHHH...how I love the Magick. But that's another story for another day. Let's stay on track here, shall we?

I have some of the most amazing friends. All of 'em are pretty much into the same kinda stuff I'm into...like being all goofy and joyful and sharin' the love. One of these lovely women calls herself Robin Rice. She has a site (BeWhoYouAre) that is incredibly inspiring. She also had a FaceBook thingy..where she shares all kinds of wonderful stuff. TODAY she posted this link to a video that blew my pretty little mind.

So...I'm sharin' it with you here.

That whole "primer"????

Well, after you watch the video, you'll know 'why'.

Check this guy OUT!

(and quit yer whinin'.)

2010....WOWZA!

A brandy new year...and the start of a new decade. Funny how just one second can make all the difference, huh? I've always thought the whole New Year's Eve thing was kind of goofy. I mean..it's just one second. But somehow it seems to matter. To a whole lotta folks. It's the dawning of a new year, which must mean that all manner of new things can occur. And for some, it does.

On the other hand...why must we wait until this one second interval to make anything new? Why must we hold off until the start of a new year to make whatever changes we wish to make? Why do we not do this every single morning?

It seems to me that every morning we awaken is a new beginning. There is an adage:

"With every new day, a new story begins."

I LOVE that.

I keep posted on my bathroom mirror. Every morning, when I walk in there to brush my teeth...there it is. And it ALWAYS makes me smile. Because, for me, it's absolutely true. Every single day, a new story begins. And it's up to me to write that story. Starting with the moment I open my eyes...until I lay myself down to rest. And if I've managed to touch the life of even one person in the smallest way, I have lived a good story for that day.

I realize that there are many who find this sort of thing a bit...annoying. How in the world can anyone be so danged cheerful all the time? Is she on crack, or whut?

Nope. Not on crack. I just made the choice to be happy, regardless of what's going on. Regardless of bumps in the road (which are inevitable), regardless of financial distress or physical impairments or boneheaded fools. Regardless of whatever is going on, it's my choice to either be happy...or not. Even when things seems to be impossibly, ridiculously challenging. Even when somebody gets on my last nerve. Even when the pain is so intense it seems I won't be able to breath. No matter. I get to choose:

Will I let this make me miserable or will I breath my way through it, trusting that this, too, shall pass?

I offer this up, yet again, as this new year begins because I think it's essential to live one's convictions. I believe, with all my Being, that we are here to live joyous, exhilarating lives. I believe we ALL have tremendous, marvelous gifts that can change the world...one person at a time.

So whether you just let someone step ahead in line at the grocery store, or you open a door for someone about to walk in at the same moment, or you simply smile at a stranger...just cuz....you have NO IDEA how much of an impact that little gesture may have on a person's day. Don't underestimate this. It matters.

And so do YOU.

I wish you the most bountiful, healthy, prosperous, happy, incredibly splendid year of your life.

Really.

turn, turn, turn

Ya know, it's pretty easy to fall into that great abyss...when everything seems to be so freakin' crazy and ya just don't know what to do. It's even easier to toss in the towel, say "screw it" and just stop trying. But why? Why would you do that? I mean, do you really think it'll make you feel better to curl up in a ball and die?

Well. I'm guessin' that sounds pretty dramatic...but truth is, there are times when I ask myself these questions...and I even ponder that towel. Not often, mind you. But there are times....And then...that leads me to wonder why it is that I'm so freakin' tenacious and unwilling to give up. What is it that makes me so resilient? So utterly optimistic when so much of my world is so NOT what it was. These are some pretty crazy times...and I'm beginning to understand why so many people threw themselves out of windows back during the Great Depression. People who were, to that point, on top of the world, opened their high-rise office window and just jumped. Before now, I never could imagine what would make someone so willing to quit. Now...I get it.

The good news is that I don't have a gazillion dollar business to lose. The other good news is that I happen to value Life far too much to ever do such a thing. I mean, COME ON. Is money REALLY that important that you'd kill your self for it? SHEEEESH.

The other day, while talking with a dear friend of mine about all this insanity, she said something that really (literally) made me stop and sit my little ass down in a chair. She said, "I am SO proud of you. You have every reason to be depressed and scared and ready to quit. But you don't go there. You NEVER go there. I just don't know how you do it. But I'm really proud of you for NOT."

Why does it matter what she, or anyone else, thinks about my fortitude? Why do I care that she's "proud" of me? Why in the world would such a thing even matter when it appears that NOTHING is happening to inspire me to continue on?

I'll tell you why. I say this ALL THE TIME...and I happen to believe it...

WE ALL HAVE CHOICES.

Choosing to be bummed out, or pissed off, or suicidal, are all CHOICES. The difference between those who grow and those who die is (in my opinion) all about tenacity. I mean...let's just say I chose to end it all...let's say that I finally reached some breaking point and said to my Self..."okay, Missy. You've done all you can. Why don't you just get it over with. Just think of all the people who won't have to 'worry' about you any more."

Are you kidding me??????? I have long believed that suicide is the ultimate in cowardice. I don't know why I feel that way, but I do. I think that people who take their lives are people who are just too scared to face another moment. Now, having said that, I also need to say that my "opinion" is not a judgment so much as it is an opinion. In other words, I don't condemn anyone for doing it. But I also don't think that anyone would commit such an act if they really knew how many people loved them. Because, while I do believe there is a "selfishness" that is productive, there is also another kind. The kind of selfishness that is so blind, so lacking in compassion, so utterly childish, that a person can forget. They forget that they MATTER. They forget that there ARE people who really love them. They forget that if they weren't here...their absence would affect soooooooooooo many people...that ripple affect. They simply get so self-absorbed that their perspective is lost.

I'm telling you this now because these thoughts have been flyin' through my brain at about 500 MPH for the last week and a half. And, without fail, every single time I think about such things, someone either shows up at my door, or sends me an email, or calls me...to let me know that I DO matter. I matter to them because I'm HERE. I matter to them because I inspire them...or I give them a reason to keep believing...or I make them laugh out loud when no one else can. Are these things I should dismiss just because I'm scared of being homeless? Are these people not important enough to keep me alive? Are these not lessons from which I shall build my own empire???????

I want you to know this:

No matter HOW awful things may seem...
No matter how much pain you're in right now...
No matter how scared you are..

YOU MATTER.
YOU MATTER.
YOU MATTER.

And
so do I.

your attention please!

Just thought I'd let ya'll know...in case you happen to be a fan of the JoyZAChoice website....the site will be closing down on the 26th of May. For now, all "clicks" will take you to my Etsy shop (which happens to be: www.woodwitch.etsy.com). After the 26th, if you try to go to the JoyZ site, you'll likely get one of those pages that says it's not there.

I'm sorry to have to take the site down, but economics forces the closure (crap!). I'm hopeful that this will only be a temporary thing...and the site will be back up again soon. In the interim, you can find out all about what's going on both here and on my other Blog at: www.joyzachoice.wordpress.com.

Wishing you ALL a very Happy ThisDay! Blessings and giggles to everyone!

vascillation ~

there's nothing like a little perspective to get you off your butt, ya know? 'specially when you think you're having a less than stellar day...and then, you hear someone else talk about theirs. yep. makes ya really aware of what you have...and you can see it with grateful eyes. good stuff.

it's not always easy. i know. sometimes, regardless of how hard i try, there's that icky black cloud following me around, threatening to drop hailstones on my head. big hailstones...like the kind that'll dent your car. scary stuff. but the thing is, when i remember that the cloud is there cuz i formed it, i can unform it just as quickly. if i want to, that is. back to the whole 'turn the other way' thang. perspective. perspective. perspective.

yesterday, i had this feeling, all day long, that my friend was not having a very good day. just a feeling in my gut. so, after a while, i called to see how she was doing. the moment i heard her voice, i knew my instincts were right on. (as usual). i also knew that she was trying real hard to NOT tell her 'sad story'...cuz we practice that sorta thing all the time. but in the end, she did...and i was so glad for it. cuz, by the time we hung up, she was feeling better and so was i. funny how that works. more and more i see that one of the best things to do when my day is kinda icky is to call someone else and offer up some sunshine for their day. ya know, it works every time. listening to someone else's stuff takes your mind off your own stuff and pretty soon you're both whoopin' it up and laughing at how silly you're (both) being. that ick? well, it's just an illusion anyway. just like the black cloud.

it's the moments in between...the vascillation...that makes ya crazy if you let it. sheeesh! it's not like we don't have the 'tools' to change our perspectives, or our attitudes, or our moods in general. cuz we do! all of us do. question is, how often do we use them when we need them most? cuz the way i figure it, it's pretty easy to be happy when everything is honky-dorey. it's when the poop hits the pavement that we think it's hard to be happy. but if ya boil it all down to THIS MOMENT...and you look around for just a minute...you can always find something to make you smile. something to be grateful for. something to make your heart do a little dance. if only you'd take that moment, ya know?

i'm pretty sure that all this crapola is temporary. i'm also pretty sure that soon, VERY soon, it'll all be a distant memory...something for me to remember (or not!) as a time when i was asked to look inside and see just how much i have...and how much i CAN...and how many options abound for me to live the best life ever. tell ya the truth....i am SOOOOOOOOOO looking forward to that (distant memory)! for now, though, i'm just gonna keep laughing about it. cuz the only other option is to cry. and what good would that do?

HAAAAAAAAAAAA!