Serenity Path

I must have hit a nerve. Or, rather, a BUNCH of nerves. Because my readership skyrocketed after I posted "Highly Sensitive Beings". While it's a bit surprising, it isn't. I'm guessing, though, that it has as much to do with the many HSBs on this Planet as it does the need for some semblance of ease. I suppose people are trying not to freak out, what with all the tragic loss of life and the "natural disasters" of late, not to mention the ever-increasing division that has come to the front and center of a nation under duress. But I don't believe this is just a "national" thang. The whole world seems to be in flux, and, for anyone who has such keen sensitivities, it makes for one whopper of a pill to swallow.

I'm not going to repeat what's already been said. You may, if you wish, click on the link (above) and read that before going further. OR, you may just read on here and forgo the previous meandering. Either way, today is about TODAY. In my world, that means another opportunity to find the Joy that abounds. So...

Right now, as I sit before this laptop and listen to the sounds around me, I am hearing the soft rush of water from the pool's waterfall. There is a bird that is singing a song of three notes, the exact same three notes, over and over again. I think it's the Mockingbird that makes its home in the tree right in front of my office window. The "tune" is the whistle call my neighbors make when calling their little dogs to come inside. Over and over and over again, those same three notes.

The wind chimes are intermittent, the sound of church bells in Florence. They bring me right back to that first morning I woke there, just a block from Il Duomo di Firenze, all those years ago. I swore I'd bring that sound home with me. I didn't stop looking until I found the chimes that now hang right outside my back door, large and long and a near-perfect replica of those church bells.

Sophie is snoozing under the bed, safe in her Puppy Cave. All I can see are her fluffy little feet, poking out from 'neath the bed skirt. Her snoring is soft, but adorably audible.

Right now, at this very moment, all is right with the world. Serenity Path is a place. A real place. The place I have made my home. In a world gone mad, and loud, and tragic, here is where I do my part to bring just a little calm.

And Joy.

And Love.

Me thinks the world could use more of all those things.

You're welcome.

{giggles...and a mischievous grin}

Can Forgiveness (REALLY) Heal?

It's tricky business: FORGIVENESS. And I've no doubt there are likely about a gazillion articles, books, blogs, podcasts, etc. ad nauseaum, on the topic. Probably because...it's tricky business.

It may be "tricky" for a lot of reasons, but in my experience, after you clear away all the Ego and Excuses and ExtraCurricularBullshit, it turns out, it really isn't so tricky after all. Because, in the end, we all find out (eventually) that forgiveness isn't about whomever it is we blame for our pain or sadness or unfortunate circumstances. The act of Forgiveness is an act of Love...for ourSELVES.

Now, if you've ever read any of the nineteen bazillion "self-help" books out there, you've likely already heard this. OR if you happen to be of a certain religious pedigree. OR if you just stumbled upon this little nugget by "accident" matters not at all. What matters is that you reach that moment. That you finally get it. That you feel the excruciating hole in your heart begin to fill up again. And if you haven't yet reached that moment, perhaps I can provide a little hope for you until you do.

Let us back up for a moment (because you know that it's nearly impossible for me to write in any kind of chronological way).

A few years back, a dear and beloved friend of mine sent me a book she thought I might enjoy. The name of that book is "The Shack". It is a novel, written by a clearly "christian" man, who may or may not have had some semblance of a similar experience to the main character in the story. It is the author's rendition of what he believes is the ultimate answer to all the pain and grief and inexplicable agony we must endure until we find our way back to faith. At that moment in my Life, I wanted no part of any such story. I had (and still have) no interest in stories about "god" or "faith" or religious mumbo jumbo. To me, those stories are nothing more than stolen lore that were rewritten by a bunch of power-hungry men who wanted to control the masses. I've always believed that.

I still do.

Problem arose, though, when it occurred to me that my fascination with Mythology was nothing more than a curiosity about what makes Humans so vulnerable to such stories. I mean, just because millions of people "believe" in some god or other doesn't mean that my inquisitive mind should dismiss their versions of any given Mythology. Just because I fancy Pan or Odin or Kokopelli over the "God of Abraham" is not a good reason to visit a story by some man from Canada who may or may not have a gift to write, right? In the end, three years after she sent me the book the first time, she sent it again. This time I was ready to read it.

I will tell you that the book is beautifully crafted. The story is both excruciating and exhilarating. Between the tragedy of the main character's horrific event and the lengths to which he was willing to go to relieve the pain of his life, the other characters in the story came to life on those pages. By the time I finished, I was wanting more. And believe when I say, I was stunned by this realization.

Fast forward several years: the book has now been made into a movie. Among the cast are the brilliant Octavia Spencer (of "The Help" fame, among others) and the darling Tim McGraw (of Country Music fame). The rest of the cast were actors I'd never heard of. But I really wanted to see it just so I could see how it would compare to the book. {Also, one of the characters is portrayed by a delicious looking man named Aviv Alush. YumYumYummy man!} When it was released on DVD, I rented it and watched with a mix of trepidation and eagerness. Remember, I already knew the story and when I say "horrific", I mean horrific.

I actually had to pause the movie several times so I could gather myself and calm my heart rate down to a reasonable pulse. I called my dear friend and said, "I'm not sure I can watch it." She assured me that I'd be happy I did if I could just make it through the first part of the story. So I grabbed a box of Kleenex, poured a glass of wine, and returned to the film.

I can't even begin to tell you how much this movie affected me. In all kinds of ways. On all kinds of levels. But the one thing that stuck out, days and weeks after I'd watched it, was a particular scene in which the main character must utter the words "I forgive you". It was one of the most heart-wrenching scenes I've ever witnessed. It tore me up so bad that I had to pause (again!) and call my friend (again!) and get a little more assurance that it was "worth it". That scene sticks with me to this day. And brings us back 'round to this whole long-winded missive.

Forgiveness.

Whether of not there is a god, or a place called heaven or Love so powerful it can restore us, is of little importance. People get to choose what to believe in. What god to worship. How to live their lives. But no matter the choices we make, it is essential that we all come to understand that Forgiveness is absolutely, positively essential if we are to live with any semblance of Joy. In the end, no matter what "happens" when we leave the Planet, it is the space in between that makes or breaks a Life. Forgiveness, the most powerful form of Love I know, is the key to such a Life.

But then ... who am I to say?

Merry Merry...

To you, Beautiful Ones, we send our Love...
and a Santa Sack filled with JOY.

Wishing you all the warmth of friendship, family, food,
and a toasty fire.

Keep your heart filled with Gratitude.

Share your Light with all you meet.

Hold dear all the Creatures on our Planet.

SCATTER JOY!

Merry, merry, merriment ~

Camz & Sophie

Close Your Eyes...Take a Breath

This time of year....{sigh}....what more can be said?

For many, a wondrous season. For many others, not so much.

So, in light of the dichotomy of "the holidays" (which, by the way, began as "holy" days), I thought it might be fun to lighten the load, keep it simple, offer just one little fun thang:

Merry Holidays, My Dear Ones.

Go with Love ~~~

Finding Grace

Sometimes it'll sneak up on you like one of those stealthy Ninjas you see in the movies. Only it isn't a movie. It's your heart. And when it jumps out from the shadows and whacks you over the head, it'll make you wonder how you'd gotten away until now.

I'm talking about Grief.

{Aside: Now, before you get all twisted up, I do know this Blog is about choosing Joy. So, if you'll stay with me here, we'll wind our way there. Don't we always?}

So then...

Say you're toodling along, doing what you do, enjoying your moments with deep appreciation. You've even managed to hang a few photos back on the walls, feeling stronger about the loss of your loved one. A bit of time has passed. You feel you've moved on with as much Grace as can be expected. You might even feel joy on occasion, when thinking about Loved One. Memories bring smiles instead of tears. There are moments when you laugh out loud ....

{Another aside: why do we say "laugh out loud"? Isn't laughter always out loud?}

...when you laugh just thinking about a particular moment you shared. Things are grooving along nicely. Then one day, whilst reading some lovely thing or other, that Ninja jumps out of the shadows and whacks you with his sword. You feel the pain as freshly as if the loss was yesterday. You feel your heart tighten. Your mouth goes dry. The tears start raining down your face uncontrollably. You are one hot mess. Just like that.

It surprises you. You weren't expecting such an upheaval. Not now. Not after all this time. How can it be? How can you be humming along so easily and then have all that rise up so large. Worse, it feels even bigger than you remembered it. Monumental Grief.

Perhaps it will help if you realize that Grief is like that. Grief does not care about time. Or distance. Or your ability to move on. Grief has its own agenda and you cannot sway cajole or trick it into submission. Grief comes as a guide to your Grace. 

If you've ever experienced a moment of true Grace, you know that when it washes over you it really does feel as if the Hand of God (or whatever you like to call It) has lifted you up into Its loving arms and wrapped you in that vast expanse of Love. You feel as if you'd never really been alive til that moment. You feel...More Than Love. 

But how can we know this feeling if we do not experience its opposites. I use the plural there because Grief is not the only "opposite". In any case, if we have not felt some semblance of Pain, how would we know the absolute Joy of Grace? 

We could not. We are Humans being human. We are subject to all manner of folly. Grief is among them. And were we not so deeply in Love with those Beings whose passing rips our hearts apart, we would not know the Joy of their presence before they leave us. That is the purpose of Grief. To remind us that we have boundless capacity for Love.

And Good.

And Grace.

And so....I wish for you the courage to bear your Grief....until you get to the Grace that will find Its way to you. Always.

{See? I told you we'd come back 'round.}

the day of love

Valentine's Day is just a few days away. And I will admit I've never been a fan of this so-called "holiday". For a whole bunch of reasons. Let's just say that I believe we oughta show the love every day, not just on V-Day. I remember how much pressure it seemed to create on my boyfriends/lovers/husband. Like they absolutely had to get it right. Why? Why do that to each other? Just never made much sense to me.

In recent years I've made it a point to show the love to those I love each and every day. I say the words when we part company, whether it's over the phone, in a note, or face-to-face. I say it. I show it. I feel it.Mostly because I've learned that you just never know when it'll be the last time you get to. People die. And near as I can tell, there are no forewarnings. Even if someone is very ill, you have no idea when the exact moment will be. So, why wait? Every day is a new opportunity to share the love. Why not use it?

I recall a card I read somewhere that said:

If you knew today would be your last day on earth,
Who would you call?
What would you say?
What are you waiting for?

Always loved that. It was the catalyst for a major life decision. I've never forgotten it. And I'm grateful for it. Made a huge difference in a lot of my relationships. Not just the romantic ones. Anyway...

So, on this Thursday before Valentine's Day, I wanted to offer this up. How about you tell those you love TODAY? And tomorrow. And the day after that. How about rather than going all cuckoo over what to buy or what to send, you do something special...and make it a point to do something special on a regular basis. And if you're still determined to get a gift for that special someone, here's a dandy little book that just might fit the bill. (you know I don't "plug" very often; a very dear friend of mine suggested this and I thought it might not be such a bad idea. After all, it IS a pretty cool little book, if I do say so myself.)

Wishing you loads of love on this Thursday, the 10th day of February. And...on all the days to follow!

Hearts & giggles~~~ 

riches come in many flavors

It's been a while...and I shan't make excuses for my absence. I had need for some space...and opted to give the blogging a bit of a break. That is, until today. A few things happened that lit a fire under my butt...and then when I came to visit, I found even more to stoke that fire. I am deeply grateful to all of you who've written and asked for more. It warms me to my toes knowing that my offerings are helping folks...and THAT, my friends, is what it's all about. I thank you ALL.

Rather than getting into the details of my disappearance, I will, instead, share with you a few things that I discovered while absent. Among them are the great riches that abound in my world. All too often we think of riches in terms of dollars. But riches are far more than printed currency. Riches, in my world, come in many flavors. Kinda like Baskin Robbins, ya know?

Friends who love you in spite of your flaws top the list for me. Those people who stand by me, regardless of where I am or how I'm 'acting'. When I am reclusive, they allow me that space without laying some kinda guilt trip or chastising. When I am all agog with some new discovery, they let me go on and on (and on and on!) about it, without attempting to stop my rantings. I tend to do that...rant, that is. And my wonderful friends (whom I call "Tribe") are always in my corner. How can that not be counted as 'riches'?

Then there are those people who may not be part of the Tribe, but who make the days sparkle with their smiles and little courtesies. You know the ones...they see you in the market and give you a smile for no reason other than to smile. Or they let you cut in line because you only have 3 things and they have a cart full of stuff. Or they slow down to let you into traffic when there are zillions of others who will cut you off without mercy. Those 'strangers' who actually LIVE kindness. Are these not riches?

Being able to buy food and fill your cupboards/fridge with good things to nourish your body. Do you know how many people in this world cannot do this? Do you realize that there are millions of people on this planet who do NOT eat a meal each day? Many do not have clean water to drink. Or a place to call home. They have no 'extra' clothes or electricity or indoor plumbing. I can't even imagine what that must be like. Nor do I care to try. I just know that I have all these things and so much more...and I consider all of them riches.

I sit here now, in a beautiful office in my home, with a dandy computer, a speedy internet connection, food in my belly, a hot cup of coffee, a comfortable chair, a gorgeous desk, and all the pretty things that are my treasures. Crystals in the windows. Wind chimes just outside. Plants and pictures and books and fountains. All these things make up my lovely world...and they are my riches too.

I have come to a place in my Life where I can see, all day.. every day, just how rich I am. I am so blessed to have these people in my world. All the love. The laughter and sharing and support. The many conveniences that we all take for granted all too often. There isn't a thing in the world that I NEED right now. I have it all. This, my friends, is what it means to be 'rich'. And I am basking in the glorious warmth of gratitude.

It's GOOD to be alive!

stand in your truth ~

When you choose to stand in your truth, grounded in who you are and not allowing yourself to be taunted into the facades that others wish for you to wear, there is no need ever again for apology or guilt or even remorse. Your truth is a sort of golden aura of protection from all the worlds' barrage.

Waxing poetic?

Yes indeed.

It is the little miracles that occur, day by day, moment by moment, that show me just how true this truth is. To see, with acute clarity, just how far a distance I've traveled...and know that in the wake of that journey there is a growing stream of love. Uncanny. Beautiful. Incredibly empowering. And...loads of fun.

A recent 'experience' showed me just how much I am standing in my truth. As I listened to a friend of mine go from frustrated to full-blown pissed off, AT ME...I sat and felt what was going on, rather than listening to her words grow hateful. On her behalf, I will say that this does happen when she has one too many glasses of vino. Not judging. Just saying. It happens. And I can always feel it as it does. I can feel her slip away...into that dark place where she thinks she's safe. I feel for her that way. I've been there too. But anyway...there we were, having this light-hearted conversation when all of a sudden everything shifted. She got really pissed and started attacking me. She said some pretty ugly things...all of which I knew weren't really directed at me, but yes, I was the one who she was dishin' it to. Each time she demanded a response, I sanswered her gently and then asked another question. Finally, I suppose she realized she was getting nowhere with her vicious attack...and I asked, "what's wrong? What is it that's bothering you?" She said that she was just tired. That she was exhausted from this emotional roller coaster she'd been on. So I gently said, "well then, why don't you get some rest. We'll chat tomorrow." She hung up the phone before I could even say goodnight.

I sat there for a minute, with this feeling of complete awe. I had not gotten upset. Nor defensive. Nor retaliatory. I listened, I asked, I put my heart in that calm place of sheer love...and I waited.

This from the Queen of Warriors. This from the gal who used to stand on any table top she could find an swing her two-by-four just because. This from a woman who has made it her mission in life to prove herself right.

WOW.

WOW.

WOW.

Yep. It's all about standing in your truth. Because when you do...there is no need to be 'right'. There is only your truth.

And that, my friend, is a splendid way to live.

the riches of our lives ~

In those moments when things seem to get all clouded up with ickiness, there is nothing that brings you back to joy faster than a good friend. The kind of friend who will let you cry, and listen with love, without trying to solve anything for you. The kind of friend who loves you in spite of your silliness. The kind of friend who can wrap her arms around you, all the way from Nebraska.

It is in those moments when you realize just how rich you are. You can see, even through your angst, that yours is a world full of treasures, full of love, full of all things good. And somehow, just being able to let go of the angst with such a friend makes the treasure even more valuable. As if the world has expanded just because of this friendship.

It's a beautiful thing.

What's even more beautiful is how you don't get those feelings of inadequacy or embarrassment when it's all over. You don't wake up the next day feeling stupid because you were such a basket case the day before. You feel neither shame nor remorse. Rather, you feel that love wrapped around you still, warming you all the way to your bones...and beyond.

Yes, these are the riches of Life. These friends who hold us when we are being the child we are. They hold us without judgment. They hold us in their Love...large and endless.

Such a beautiful thing.

back and forth

So how do you not think about the pain when the pain is so big? How do you not fight it? How do you move into the pain without having it consume you?

It's been said that our bodies know exactly how to heal themselves. That there is no malady nor injury we cannot completely recover from. The trick is to believe it. To actually feel it all the way to the core of our being...and just let go of the limiting thoughts that say "no you can't". I want to believe it. More than anything. Sometimes I actually do. Other times, not so much. The 'not so much' comes when the pain is so freakin' big that it immobilizes me. And that, in turn, just pisses me off.

So how does one get from "here" to "there"?

Maybe it's about the stillness. Maybe all that's required is to lie still, breath well, and let the energy of the whole splendid Universe do it's work. Maybe it's about laughing at it. Staring it right in the face and laughing at it for the jokester that it is. The laughter is healing...I do know this. And it's very effective when that freakin' pain is that freakin' big. So what's the mystery?

Today, as I vacillate between pain and humor, the warrior wants to fight; the goddess wants to soothe. The warrior is heading for her armory...to gather her weapons and don her suit of steel. The goddess is whispering loving endearments into my ears. Back and forth we go...until...it is time to just BE.

relax, refresh, rejuvenate ~~~

so much stuff has transpired in recent months
lots of lifechanging stuff
thru it all
the one thing that kept rising up
was
trust
trust that it's all gonna work out
trust that you're not alone
trust that, even tho some folks feel the need
to mess with ya
it's all gonna be alright
because when the day is done
no matter how long
or short
that day might be
the only person you have to face
is
you
and the beautiful thing about that
is the the 'you' you're facing
got to make all the choices
about judgments
and decisions
and joy
bottom line:
joy
iZZZ
a
CHOICE
i got to choose
joy
and did
(well, mostly anyway)
thru it all
there was joy
and love
and lots of hugs
even if they came from the critters
(and not some 2-legged being)
doesn't really matter
a hug
is still
a hug
gotta love that