do you believe in magick?

There is a splendid woman whose name is Jenny Mannion. I had the great fortune of meeting her about 3 years ago, when this wild ride first began. She'd seen something I wrote, contacted me, and we began our 'connection'. Now, she's doing what gives her life great meaning: she is a healer who works in several different modalities, helping people find their way back to wellness. (you can visit her site here: Jenny Mannion )

Just the other day, Jenny was interviewed on Inspirational Transformational TV. In this interview, she discussed the path that led her to her calling, as well as the various things she has to offer, both in book form and how her own maladies had transformed her life. One of her books, the first she published as an eBook, is called "Discover How to Heal Pain Naturally". I've read this book several times over the course of the past 3 years; re-reading when I forget her awesome messages. It has helped me tremendously. (if you have any kind of malady, regardless of what the diagnoses are, you may find this book especially helpful as you make your way through the zillions of things doctors are telling you. NOT kidding!).

Anyway, as I was watching the interview she said something that really hit home for me. She was talking about her aversion to going to the doctor back before she'd healed herself. She told how she was going weekly for various tests and how those weekly visits kept her in a constant state of anxiety and sickness. In other words: they were just adding to her attention TO the maladies (and let me tell you, hers were pretty darned scary!). When she finally realized this, she made the decision to NOT go for a few weeks. She wanted to see how much she could heal herself without the doctors telling her how sick she was and how much worse it was going to get (as in: "you'll eventually end up in a wheelchair").

When she spoke the words, I could feel something inside me kind of snap. It was one of those affirming moments when you just KNOW that it's a really big shift. Because as I've been going through my own healing, this has been one of my biggest seeds of contention. I don't like going because I know what they're going to tell me...and I DON'T BUY IT. So I have to steel myself before I leave the house; remind myself that what they say has nothing to do with my own reality. Remind myself that I AM THE ONE who will heal me...not them or the drugs they keep trying to get me to take.

And you know what?

It works.

Honestly. It really works.

Jenny has the most amazing story...and now that story is growing as she helps more and more people find their way back. She is a truly remarkable lady and I owe her the greatest gratitude for all she's shared with me.

I thought it might be a good day to tell you this, as I just returned from the Doc and was 'vibrating' all the way home. Because this doctor is NOT a holistic doctor; she is a "specialist" (in the field of Rheumatology). She does not subscribe to holistic medicine any more than a holistic practitioner subscribes to biologic drugs. BUT...today she surprised me. When she asked me if I wanted to continue with this new "plan of action" (which does consist of a monthly shot), I told her that I'd made up my mind that anything I chose to take had to FEEL RIGHT IN MY HEART. I said, "In order for these drugs to do any good at all, I must BELIEVE they're good for me. If there's any contradiction in my beliefs, they will NOT work."

Know what she said?

"You are absolutely correct. And if you choose not to take them for your reasons, then you are making those choices based on what your body is telling you...as well as your intuition. I respect that and I want you to stay on this path. YOU know better than anyone what will or won't help you. I'm in your corner on this one."

I almost fell off the table! It was such a shock to hear this woman who had vehemently expressed her feelings about holistic medicine say something like that. It made me more aware of the magick that abounds...all day, every day. I'd listened to what Jenny had to offer (again!) and before I left for my appointment today, I sat quietly for a while, just centering myself and letting go of any semblance of negativity; toward the doctor, toward the meds, toward the entire experience I was about to have.

Yep.

It works.

Magick abounds. Call it what you will. Miracles. Serendipity. Fate. WHATEVER. When we set our intentions, and feel wholeheartedly, we open up a whole magickal world of possibility. I don't know where any of this is leading me. But I DO know that the more I trust, specifically TRUST MY SELF...the more I am witness to that magick. I happen to believe I create it...and there's not a soul on the planet that'll ever convince me otherwise.

Thank you, Jenny. For ALL the things you've helped me remember.

That Tricky Little Piece of Forgiveness ~

Doncha just love how things keep coming back...until you finally hear the message? Doncha just love that? Well...okay, sometimes it's kind of painful. Like the ol' proverbial thorn you can't seem to grab with those finely sharpened tweezers. Try as you might, that little sucker stays just out of reach. Know what I mean?

Yep. It's kind of like that sometimes. But then there are those other times...when whatever it is shows up...yet again...and you say to yourself, "Hey. I'm ready for this now. I can see this now. I'm there."

Those are the funnest ones. No pain. No angst. Just that lovely AHAAAAA!

So that's where I am today. Back to one of those things:

Forgiveness.

{ohhhhhh. is she really goin' there again???}

Yep. We're goin' there again. Because it's a pretty big slice of the cake. No forgiveness, no growth. No forgiveness, no lightness of Being. No forgiveness, no LIFE.

The funny thing about forgiveness is that, for many, it's pretty easy to 'give' to others. You love them. You know deep in your heart they didn't really mean it. They're being who they are and it's not your job to judge them. All those wonderfully loving thoughts that allow us to move onward. We may not forget, but we forgive. Over and over, sometimes to our own detriment. Yet, still, we do it.

That's the easy part.

The tougher challenge is SELF forgiveness. At least it has been for me.

The thing is, whenever this came up before, when someone would say to me, "You must forgive yourself. You cannot truly love your SELF if you don't forgive first.", the first thing I'd think (and sometimes ask) was, "forgive myself for WHUT?"

My resistance to forgiveness was the source of my logical reaction (& instantaneous question). The fact that I even had to ask "for whut?" was a pretty clear signal that I wasn't yet ready. I wasn't quite in that space where I could forgive myself. It wasn't about "for whut?", but rather about my ability (or lack thereof) to allow it at all.

Sound a little backward?

Truth be told, I'm not really even sure about backward and forward either. It's that whole 'live in the moment' thing I've been working on. But that's another story for another day. Praise Allah! (GRIN. For those of you who are yet unfamiliar with some of my irreverent hollerin's, it's a joke. Again..another story for another day. I just like sayin' it. It's FUN!) At this moment, the only thing that really seems to be of any importance is that I can actually feel what it means to forgive. I don't need to know "whut", all I really needed was to be open to the feeling of that loving forgiveness I so willingly give to everyone else...to ME.

To forgive oneself is to open a mammoth door into a world of absolute love. The kind of love that moves mountains. The kind of love that makes you feel that everything is possible. The kind of love that eliminates all doubt of your worthiness. The kind of love that has transformed entire worlds. The BIGOVERTHETOPHOLYTOLEDO kind of love that you even Hollywood hasn't captured on film. It's probably the single-most important ingredient to cookin' up that cake. Or maybe the analogy outta be bread. You've got to have yeast to make bread. (well, good bread, anyway). So forgiveness is the yeast. It helps you rise up...and move beyond your self-imposed limitations. See what I mean?

That it's taken me this long to get it is almost funny. But then, I happen to believe everything happens precisely as it should, when it should. So who cares how long its taken? All that matters is that now I do (get it) and the feeling really is like flying. That light, airy, free kind of feeling. Up, up in the sky, riding the currents, gazing down on the splendor of the stunning wonders of Planet Earth. Everything is crystal clear. Everything is sparkling. Everything that once seemed so painful is suddenly gone.

Liberation.

That's the closest I can come to the feeling. Utter, absolute liberation.

It's a fine day to be alive.

Doncha think?

back and forth

So how do you not think about the pain when the pain is so big? How do you not fight it? How do you move into the pain without having it consume you?

It's been said that our bodies know exactly how to heal themselves. That there is no malady nor injury we cannot completely recover from. The trick is to believe it. To actually feel it all the way to the core of our being...and just let go of the limiting thoughts that say "no you can't". I want to believe it. More than anything. Sometimes I actually do. Other times, not so much. The 'not so much' comes when the pain is so freakin' big that it immobilizes me. And that, in turn, just pisses me off.

So how does one get from "here" to "there"?

Maybe it's about the stillness. Maybe all that's required is to lie still, breath well, and let the energy of the whole splendid Universe do it's work. Maybe it's about laughing at it. Staring it right in the face and laughing at it for the jokester that it is. The laughter is healing...I do know this. And it's very effective when that freakin' pain is that freakin' big. So what's the mystery?

Today, as I vacillate between pain and humor, the warrior wants to fight; the goddess wants to soothe. The warrior is heading for her armory...to gather her weapons and don her suit of steel. The goddess is whispering loving endearments into my ears. Back and forth we go...until...it is time to just BE.