Doncha just love how things keep coming back...until you finally hear the message? Doncha just love that? Well...okay, sometimes it's kind of painful. Like the ol' proverbial thorn you can't seem to grab with those finely sharpened tweezers. Try as you might, that little sucker stays just out of reach. Know what I mean?
Yep. It's kind of like that sometimes. But then there are those other times...when whatever it is shows up...yet again...and you say to yourself, "Hey. I'm ready for this now. I can see this now. I'm there."
Those are the funnest ones. No pain. No angst. Just that lovely AHAAAAA!
So that's where I am today. Back to one of those things:
Forgiveness.
{ohhhhhh. is she really goin' there again???}
Yep. We're goin' there again. Because it's a pretty big slice of the cake. No forgiveness, no growth. No forgiveness, no lightness of Being. No forgiveness, no LIFE.
The funny thing about forgiveness is that, for many, it's pretty easy to 'give' to others. You love them. You know deep in your heart they didn't really mean it. They're being who they are and it's not your job to judge them. All those wonderfully loving thoughts that allow us to move onward. We may not forget, but we forgive. Over and over, sometimes to our own detriment. Yet, still, we do it.
That's the easy part.
The tougher challenge is SELF forgiveness. At least it has been for me.
The thing is, whenever this came up before, when someone would say to me, "You must forgive yourself. You cannot truly love your SELF if you don't forgive first.", the first thing I'd think (and sometimes ask) was, "forgive myself for WHUT?"
My resistance to forgiveness was the source of my logical reaction (& instantaneous question). The fact that I even had to ask "for whut?" was a pretty clear signal that I wasn't yet ready. I wasn't quite in that space where I could forgive myself. It wasn't about "for whut?", but rather about my ability (or lack thereof) to allow it at all.
Sound a little backward?
Truth be told, I'm not really even sure about backward and forward either. It's that whole 'live in the moment' thing I've been working on. But that's another story for another day. Praise Allah! (GRIN. For those of you who are yet unfamiliar with some of my irreverent hollerin's, it's a joke. Again..another story for another day. I just like sayin' it. It's FUN!) At this moment, the only thing that really seems to be of any importance is that I can actually feel what it means to forgive. I don't need to know "whut", all I really needed was to be open to the feeling of that loving forgiveness I so willingly give to everyone else...to ME.
To forgive oneself is to open a mammoth door into a world of absolute love. The kind of love that moves mountains. The kind of love that makes you feel that everything is possible. The kind of love that eliminates all doubt of your worthiness. The kind of love that has transformed entire worlds. The BIGOVERTHETOPHOLYTOLEDO kind of love that you even Hollywood hasn't captured on film. It's probably the single-most important ingredient to cookin' up that cake. Or maybe the analogy outta be bread. You've got to have yeast to make bread. (well, good bread, anyway). So forgiveness is the yeast. It helps you rise up...and move beyond your self-imposed limitations. See what I mean?
That it's taken me this long to get it is almost funny. But then, I happen to believe everything happens precisely as it should, when it should. So who cares how long its taken? All that matters is that now I do (get it) and the feeling really is like flying. That light, airy, free kind of feeling. Up, up in the sky, riding the currents, gazing down on the splendor of the stunning wonders of Planet Earth. Everything is crystal clear. Everything is sparkling. Everything that once seemed so painful is suddenly gone.
Liberation.
That's the closest I can come to the feeling. Utter, absolute liberation.
It's a fine day to be alive.
Doncha think?
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