I have learned...

I have learned that people are more alike than not. No matter where they're "from" or what language they speak, most folks are kind. IF you give them the chance.

I have learned that we have more in common with each other than we might think. Most folks want pretty much the same things: to love and be loved, to take care of their families, to have FUN.

I have learned that once we put aside our "labels" and cease with the judgments, harmony is not only easier to achieve, but quite readily ripples out into the world.

I have learned that when you gather 'round and break bread together, the most common sound you will hear is LAUGHTER. {UNLESS it's family. Then...there's no tellin'.}

I have learned that children know all this stuff better than "grown-ups".

I have learned that the only way to live one's life in a meaningful way is to make JOY a priority. Every. Single. Day.

I have learned that curiosity is the true "Fountain of Youth".

Keep your heart open.
Keep your arms open.
Shut the door on judgments.
Eat together more.
Laugh more.
Stay hungry for "new things".

Choose. JOY.

giggle instead...

Heard from an old friend yesterday after months of (his) absence. Seems he's been overwhelmed with challenges...on every front. Home, work, relationship, health, etc. Woes to the toes. And beyond. (ya think Buzz Lightyear might use that one?) He'd written a few short notes in between, just to let me know he was in this funky space; also to tell me that he had no intention of leaving the planet. Needless to say, I was grateful for those memos, but really wanted to DO something to lend a hand.

And then...

He sent me a note to say that he didn't want to talk with me about any of it; mostly, he said, because he wanted to be a joy in my life, not a burden. This kind of took me by surprise. For lots of reasons. But I had this feeling in my gut that it had more to do with what was going on in his marriage than it did anything else. Like he didn't want to talk with me about that part because he didn't want to dishonor his wife AND he felt some kind of apprehension about getting closer to me and further from her. My gut works well. I trust it implicitly. And, as it turned out, I was dead on.

So I sent him a message saying that I was no "fair-weather-friend" and that even his pain would not diminish the joy he brings to my world. We've been friends for a very long time. Several decades. I know this man to his core. And I know that he is one of the kindest, most considerate, passionate people I've ever met in my life. Good people, all the way around. So his trepidation was not lost on me. The note (I sent) also said it was entirely his choice. Whatever he wanted to do was A-OK with me. At the end of that note, I pasted this: (with a caption that read: "hang in there")

Not 3 minutes after I sent the email, the phone rang. I giggled the moment I saw his name on my caller ID. Took a deep breath, and answered the phone. I had a big grin on my face and a smile in my heart. I knew that no matter what he chose to tell me (or not) was more than OK. I also knew that he'd taken a pretty large step in overcoming some very hard-core control issues. Truth be told, we're two of a kind. So I get it. All of it. Anywayz....

He began by telling me about some serious skin rash he's wrestling with. And the whole time he was telling me his story, he was doing it in his usual hilarious fashion. That's how we are. We make jokes when things are too uncomfortable to deal with. Works for both of us. So, the conversation went on for a while; me listening, him talking. I gave him my full attention, without judgment or thoughts of what to say back. Just listened. When he was finally done ranting, I started giggling. I wasn't laughing at him, I was giggling at how he'd taken himself from utter angst to a place of ease. It delighted me to feel the change. I told him so.

He was silent for a moment, and then he said, "You know, you're the only person I know who can make me turn my attention to the opposite direction. Nobody else can do that. HOW DO YOU DO THAT???"

So I told him about a little "trick" I'd learned along the way. I gave him his own words back and asked him if they were in any way helping him to shift. And then I shared the trick:

It's only hard because you say it is.

You don't need to fight yourself. 

You just gotta let it be...for however long it takes for "it" to lighten up a bit.

Go stand in front of a mirror. 

Paste a grin on your face. Doesn't matter if it's "fake". Just do it.

And say out loud: SO WHAT! SO WHAT! SO WHAT!

Then watch what happens next.

I guarantee you're gonna start cracking up.

GUARANTEED.

Before I was even finished with that last sentence, he WAS cracking up. Laughing so hard I wasn't sure he'd even heard the last of it. But he had. And when the laughter finally died down, he said, "So you're telling me to giggle instead?"

Yep. That's what I'm telling you.

Just giggle instead.

When Humor Hits the Road

Humor packed her bags and hit the road. She gave no warning. Didn't leave a note. Just up and left one sunny afternoon. Didn't even bother to close the door. Rude. Just plain rude. It's quite possible she ran off with The Muse. Not sure, but seems like they both disappeared around the same time. Probably lounging around some glamorous poolside, sipping Margaritas and having those cabana boys fan them with palm fronds. Little hussies.

When Humor takes off, she doesn't mess around. She takes the whole she-bang with her. Giggles, chuckles, big-fat-belly-laughs, pee-in-your-pants-uncontrollable laughter and every little thing in between. She's quite the little scamp when she walks out. Based on the way she left, without warning and all, I'm guessing she probably laughed her ass off all the way to the airport where her private jet was waiting (and, no doubt, The Muse too).

When I realized she was gone, I did what any 'normal' person might do: I got all pissed off at her. I cursed her. I shouted 'good riddance'. I took all her pictures off the walls. I told myself I didn't need her silly ass anyway. I can do this on my own. To hell with her. I'll show that selfish #!*&!

And then...(isn't there ALWAYS "and then"?!)

Woke up one morning and realized just how much I missed her. Realized it had been a long, long time since I'd laughed so hard that I cried. I missed her silliness and her child-like glee and the way she could laugh even in the face of the most dire situations. I missed her goofy guffaws and her twinkling eyes. I felt the tears roll down my cheeks, and that horrible knot in my gut, wondering if she was ever coming back. Wondered if she missed me as much as I missed her. Wondered how in the world I was going to find her and so I could beg her to come home.

About an hour after I had my cry, I decided that the only thing I could do was let go of the angst and try to remember what it felt like to have her around. To somehow create the feelings within myself to get the laughter back. It took me a bit longer than I'd expected, but pretty soon I was walking around with this giant grin on my face. I was rolling on the floor with my dog (who is a VERY funny guy), telling jokes and working myself into a full-blown giggle fit. It was SO much fun.

Shortly thereafter, I heard her come through the door. She was roaring with laughter, tears rolling down her angel face, with her arms outstretched and the love shining from her eyes. Right behind her was The Muse. Yep. The two of them showed up together, all happy and silly and thrilled to see me. I could hardly believe it. There we were, hugging and laughing and having a party like they'd never been gone in the first place. Even Bruzer (that's my dog) was doin' a dance.

Go figure.

back and forth

So how do you not think about the pain when the pain is so big? How do you not fight it? How do you move into the pain without having it consume you?

It's been said that our bodies know exactly how to heal themselves. That there is no malady nor injury we cannot completely recover from. The trick is to believe it. To actually feel it all the way to the core of our being...and just let go of the limiting thoughts that say "no you can't". I want to believe it. More than anything. Sometimes I actually do. Other times, not so much. The 'not so much' comes when the pain is so freakin' big that it immobilizes me. And that, in turn, just pisses me off.

So how does one get from "here" to "there"?

Maybe it's about the stillness. Maybe all that's required is to lie still, breath well, and let the energy of the whole splendid Universe do it's work. Maybe it's about laughing at it. Staring it right in the face and laughing at it for the jokester that it is. The laughter is healing...I do know this. And it's very effective when that freakin' pain is that freakin' big. So what's the mystery?

Today, as I vacillate between pain and humor, the warrior wants to fight; the goddess wants to soothe. The warrior is heading for her armory...to gather her weapons and don her suit of steel. The goddess is whispering loving endearments into my ears. Back and forth we go...until...it is time to just BE.