Baby Steps

Whilst I listened to my Muse speak on the dangers of self-sabotage, I jotted and scribbled and doodled, letting the words massage their way into my brain. I have come to a place where I know that it is most helpful to not try too hard. Rather, to ease myself into the lessons and allow my Beautiful Creative Self to take what she most needs. Because sometimes, just the act of taking notes causes me to miss the most important stuff. Hence the doodling. It works for me, as does the breathing I do before hand and the colored pencils I use in lieu of a more serious utensil like a pen. I find pens far too stodgy. Perhaps it is a reference to the pen being mightier than the sword. Not sure. Either way, pens are for crossword puzzles, not doodling.

{WHAT? YOU USE PENS TO DO YOUR CROSSWORD PUZZLES??? Yes, I do. Because I am a serious crossword puzzler and as I said, pens are serious utensils. But I digress....}

So she was talking about self-sabotage. It is, not surprisingly, one of the most common, stubborn, ridiculous of tactics by the pesky Ego. And Fear. And the Inner Critic who is as bossy as that curmudgeon next door who hollers every time you howl at the moon with your dog. They are all party poopers and not nearly as clever as they might think. That is, if you happen to have a Muse who reminds you that they all use the same tricks:

Keep her distracted. If she is distracted she cannot create.

Along the way, one of the things that set off the happy bells in my head was this:

Questions are the prompts for those tiny steps we can take toward our beautiful, creative light. We are all Lights; and if we are to shine for all the world to see, we must be persistent. We must practice. We must be repetitious in our commitment to our craft. With these little steps, we will slowly make the shift that will bring us to our Purpose. Any artist who has ever had one of those days (or weeks, or months, or...years) when it seemed like there were 4,693 other things we just had to do before we got to our creative work knows that the trick is to find a way, any kinda way, to get back to it. Sometimes we have to literally trick ourselves. We have to use new tactics. We have to re-think the way we speak. Saying things like "I get to..." instead of "I should...". They are little baby steps that lead us down the road we most wish to travel. And if it means that we have to start all over again every single day, then that is precisely what we will do. Because I have never met an artist, regardless of their chosen art form, who hasn't said (at least a thousand times), "Oh, how I wish I could do this for my living."

Well, guess what. You can. But you're not gonna get there by wishing. You're going to have to commit. You're going to have to suffer change. And stretch consciousness. And re-think thoughts. It might be a pain in the ass (at first) but wouldn't you rather have that challenge than a lifetime of working some horribly boring job while the Light of All That You Are dims to black, abysmal nothingness? Please. Please don't let it happen. Take those steps, whatever they might be for you. Make the commitment. And then, little by little, you will make your way to that Life you have only secretly dreamed of. That is what living is all about.

There Is No Try

One of my very favorite movie quotes is that of Yoda when young Luke was attempting to raise his soon-to-be-swallowed-by-the-swamp ship. Yoda was doing his Yoda best to get the boy to focus. And at some point, the young Skywalker said, "I'M TRYING!". To which wise Yoda replied, "Try, not. Do or do not. There is no try."

Never forgot that. Even though I wasn't a huge fan (I only saw the first two movies), I always loved that darlingYoda. He was, to me, the quintessential Yogi. (Gee. Ya think that's what George was thinking all along?) To me, Yoda was the absolute best of all of us. And, with or without his sword, he yielded a mighty power that, to this not-so-young-lass, still affects. I often hear his voice when I'm in a tight spot. It's a funny voice to hear, but there you have it.

What struck me most about that particular quote was that, like everything else Yoda said, its simplicity was indisputable. How can you argue with that kind of logic? I  mean, either you are going to do something or not. There really isn't any in between. You're either doing a thing or not doing it. You may be in the midst of that doing. You may be half way there. You may be struggling with it. Or not. But no matter what, you are either doing it or not. Just because you aren't finished doesn't mean you aren't doing it. See what I'm getting at here?

So then...what's all this about "trying" anyway?

Well, it occurred to me recently that for all the insanity that has been my Life for the past six years, the one thing that never changed was my unyielding determination regarding the end result. That is to say, I'd gotten both a diagnosis and a prognosis. Neither of which I accepted. I refused to believe what "they" said it was or how I would "end up" (in a wheelchair!) None of it made any sense to me. Nor did it feel right when I thought about it. Somewhere inside me I just knew that there was something off. At first I fought. Hard. Then I realized that I could negotiate with my own beliefs until I found a balance between what "they" were saying I should do and what I thought was right for me. Little by little I found that course corrections were going to be a part of this whole adventure. Rather than saying, "Well, I'm going to try to do this or that...", I just took each segment of the journey as it came. I wasn't trying, I was doing. I didn't realize when it all began that it would take me all the places it has. Nor did I realize that it would affect so much of who I am. It took a long while to see that the whole of the journey would be just that: a Journey. So rather than drive myself off the bridge, I just toodled along until I got the hang of it. Kinda like when you're learning how to ride a bike. Sure, you're going to crash every now and then. But before too long, you're cruising along as if you'd been riding your whole life. It's not about trying, it's about doing. Even if you're doing it badly.

Now, it may seem that there is a bit of ambiguity here (regarding the actual matter at hand) but I do this purposely. Because, as with most things, it is not about the subject matter, but rather about the attitude one has while experiencing whatever it is that one is facing. Whether you are facing a dis-ease or a financial challenge or a broken heart or the loss of a loved one or...any number of icky things we all face during our lifetimes. No matter. What matters, from onset to end, is that we realize we have choices...and we make them according to what feels best. Choosing to be terrified is your absolute option. As is laughing in the face of it. Or hiding 'neath the covers. Or drinking yourself into a stupor so as to avoid it altogether. We all have choices to make each and every day. It isn't about trying, it's about choosing. Choosing a Joyful path is one way to make things a bit less terrifying and a lot more fun. 'Course, that's a choice too. Either way, there is no try. Do or do not. 

Your choice.

doin' the happy dance....

Sometimes the biggest thrills come from the littlest things. Like when you figure out how to use a new software program. Or manipulate photographs. Or create your very own logo for T-shirts. That kinda stuff just thrills the bejeebers outta me. And every single time I do something like it, I find myself clapping hands and dancing around my office like a crazy person who'd lost their mind...and then found it.

Fun stuff.

As you might expect, I spend a great deal of time on my computer. While I may not be the "Tech of Techies", I'm pretty good at figuring things out. For the most part. But on occasion, there are those programs that just confound the hell out of me. One such program is called Gimp, which is very similar to PhotoShop...without the price tag. Because I don't use such programs with any regularity, they can be quite the challenge for me. So when I have a project and I have to learn some new-fangled thang...and then I get it done...it is always a thrill for me.

As in dancing around like a crazy person....

Every now and then I get asked to do some creative work for people who are completely not of that realm. I always love those invitations...especially when they are for causes that inspire me (and, ultimately, others). When I was asked to do this one, I said "absolutely". And then...I realized that I was going to have to start from scratch. Not that it mattered. But it was a little daunting at first because I was going to have to use that program which I had not used in a while. As with any other 'language', if ya don't use it ya lose it. Such was the case today.

After a few hours and a whole lot of re-reading ("help" sections) I finally figured it out and got it done. Which is when the dancing and clapping and halleluiah-ing began. I was just so tickled with me-self. But the real celebrating was after I sent the finished product to the gal who asked for my help. She was pretty over-the-top with awe. To me, it wasn't that big a deal...insofar as the finished piece. But she just thought it was some kinda Holy Camoly because I'd done it entirely from her verbal description (as opposed to having some kind of visual starting point). It was then that I realized just how much Joy I had unearthed. For all of us. Like I said...

FUN STUFF.

Anywhoooooo....I'm not telling you this to toot my own horn. I'm telling you this because it seems to me that there are a whole lotta thangs we can do that will fill the Joy Cup even more. You just gotta keep that as your reason for Being. Know what I mean?

So today's little message is this:

It doesn't really matter what it is. It doesn't matter if it's life changing or world changing or even just a moment's worth of change. If it's something that causes you to dance around with glee, it's worth doing. Every time. And it leads me to one more little curiosity....

I wonder just how many do not make the time to do such things. Because it seems to me that there are still far too many who walk around with scowls on their faces and big, black clouds of doom hovering over their heads. I want to go up to those people and ask, "When was the last time you did something just for the fun of it?" But then...I know what the response will be (more often than not); I also know that there are some folks who just want to be in that space and my nosey ass isn't going to make a dent. So, mostly, I just say a silent prayer for 'em and send out a whole boat load of love.

Maybe they'll feel it.

Maybe they won't.

But either way...it ain't gonna hurt either of us.

Just for today (or tomorrow...) how 'bout you make some time for you...and dance around like a crazy person who just found their lost mind.

Here's to your next Happy Dance.