Ever notice how sometimes, after a whole lot of agonizing and frettin' over something, that the moment you make a CHOICE, everything seems to just go "A-H-H-H-H-H-H-H."? Ever notice that?
Lately I've been noticing just how much fun that can be. Rather than sitting in the muck of indecision, and gettin' all itchy from the stuff in the muck, it seems that all I need do is MAKE A CHOICE. Once I have, all manner of ickiness just flies out the door. No kidding.
Case is point:
I've always had this "thing" for my hair. It was my favorite 'thing' about my physical appearance. I used to buy all the best products for it, and basically pamper it to the nth degree. For most of my life I wore it long. Long and luxurious and thick and silky. LOVED my hair. Still do. That is...until just recently (for the past few months or so). It started falling out in huge clumps. Kinda like what you see when somebody is undergoing chemotherapy. It was DREADFUL! And it really was freakin' me out. Every time I washed it I'd see this massive mound of hair sitting on the drain screen and I'd go nuts. Got to the point where I just didn't want to wash it cuz I didn't want to see it sitting in a pile. TERRIBLE I tell ya.
I figured out why it was happening and talked to the Doc about it. She said that it was a result of one of the meds I'd been taking BUT as soon as I got off those meds it would grow back. Well yippeee yahooo. When, exactly, might that be? I sat with myself over this little conundrum for a long, long time. Kept going back and forth about what mattered most: feeling better or having beautiful hair. I couldn't believe I was being so silly about the whole thing. I couldn't get over the fact that my hair was running for the hills while I was trying to get my body to rebalance. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE????
I even had a friend bring over some wigs to try on. We talked about the transition and how it was just another part of my 'process'. We talked about how, in the Big Picture, it didn't mean diddly. We talked about my options. Still, I couldn't seem to find any relief from the 'now' feelings of horror over having it fall out. I was really stumped.
I was watching some Pink videos on YouTube...and found myself completely awed by this woman's beauty. It was that video from the Grammy Awards (if you haven't seen it, Click Here). The name of the song is 'Glitter in the Air" and I'm tellin' ya, I was rapt. Must have watched it about 4 or 5 times when all of a sudden I jumped up and hollered, "THAT'S IT. I'M DONE. I AM CUTTING IT OFF!"
Picked up the phone and called my darling stylist gal and told her what I wanted to do. She hadn't seen me in a while and asked what had happened. I told her about the past few months and how I'd been agonizing over it and how I was just plumb wore out over the whole stupid thing. She suggested that perhaps we go "a little at a time" with the cut. I said no. No half-assing it. I want it cut and I want it cut SHORT. So we made the appointment, I sent her some pics so she could get an idea of what I was talking about and then....
I danced around the house like a crazy person. I felt SO good for just having made the decision. I felt free and light and giggly. I felt like I'd just dropped a hundred pounds off my shoulders. And I haven't even cut it yet! That will be tomorrow. Tomorrow afternoon....on the anniversary of my mom's passing. Go figure. I'm going to chop it off and groove on my new "look". And probably wear a lot of fun little hats to keep my silly pea-head warm. I mean, who the hell cuts their hair off right before winter????