Selfies...???

So I have a "thing" about "selfies"; the "thing" is...I am not a fan. I suppose part of it is because me thinks our culture is obsessed with itself. Collectively and individually. I walk and/or drive around town and I watch as youngsters hold their phones in their hands as if they couldn't breathe without them. Kinda like an external lung. They barely watch where they're going or notice their surroundings. They step off curbs, into traffic, with nary a glance at what may be coming. And they walk...or rather, amble, across the road as if they're immortal. I get great pleasure honking my horn right as they reach dead center of my truck's hood. I laugh my ass off when they jump out of their skins and glare at me. I know. It's mean! But you know something? I don't care. I feel it is my personal mission to get them to pay attention. And besides that, what I really want to do is grab the fucking phone and toss it in front of a speeding bus. So, in that regard, I'm not as mean as I could be. (hear the sound of my roaring laughter here.)

{First Aside: as you can see, I have very strong feelings about this. I want to assure you, though, that we WILL come back 'round to JOY. As we always do. So...hang tough and read on.}

The second reason I may be so averse to selfies is that I'm terrible at taking them. Every time I think it might be fun to try (while in my home, not out in public), I take about ten...and hate every one of them. I look ridiculous. What's worse, I have never once taken a selfie that was even remotely flattering. So, perhaps, I am just as guilty of the self-obsession I so clearly loathe.

Strike two.

{Second Aside: to prove my point, here is a selfie I took just before sitting down to right this post. See what I mean? RIDICULOUS.}

{Actually, the real reason for wanting to take a photo was because my hair is looking fabulous today. AND...it's finally long enough to put up in a banana clip. Thrilling stuff, this.}

But back to the point...

While watching "World of Dance" this week, there was a couple who did a dance that was all about their own feelings about cell phones and how we ignore the loved one right in front of us, just because we need to keep our faces buried in our phones. It was both profound and a stunning performance. They won the "battle" for this week's Face Offs. I had recorded the show, as I always do, and watched that dance three times before moving on. I was so deeply touched, I had tears running down my face. So, you see, this has been festering for a while. Even before seeing that performance, I have struggled to keep my perspective about all this. Mostly because I want to be certain that I am not turning into some crabby old woman without a sense of perspective or any aversion to change. I want, always, to be open-minded and eager to face change. I want to remain open to new adventures. Most of all, though, I wish to live my Life with boundless Appreciation. Having such aversions to the way the mainstream uses technology is, in my mind, a tricky and treacherous line I walk every time I see what I see.

If I am being honest with Meself, the whole thing boils down to judgments. That is to say, I am judging people for the way they live their lives. Or use their devices. Or the choices they make. I judge them without having a clue about who they really are. Or why they do what they do. Or the personal freedoms I so strongly support. Who the hell am I to judge them? Further, why should I care at all? Is the mainstream obsession with selfies going to have a derogatory affect on my world? 

The answer is: NO. It has nothing to do with me, unless, of course, I make it my business. Why in the world would I do that? Why should I care if people are zombie-walking through their lives with phones permanently glued to their hands? What has any of it to do with me?

In some ways, I could argue that, in a Big-Picture kind of way, it does affect all of us. In the way that people are so immersed in their social media lives that they're not participating in the world around them...and that is a mighty dangerous thing.

{Third Aside: case in point: the current President of the United States and how he got there. Did you know that less than sixty percent of the population voted? But...let us not go down that road...Talk about slippery slopes!}

To say that none of this is affecting us, as a global society, is to be blind to all the rest of the things going on right now that sorely need our attention. As you can see, I'm vacillating here. Yes or no? Does it or doesn't it matter? 

So...here's where I ended up:

I have the choice, just as each of us does, to CHOOSE what I give my attention to. I have the power, in my own Life, to change my focus and direct it to those things that not only bring me Joy, but also have a direct affect on the world. Energy is energy. Where I focus that energy, where any of us focus, is the only thing that really matters. Do I wish to focus on the insanely massive selfie-taking population OR would I prefer to focus instead on all the millions of people who take time, each and every day, to make the world a better place? 

Me thinks it's a no-brainer.

{Last Aside: SHEESH! I'm so happy I got that off my chest!}

Sometimes You Just Gotta ASK

Pride can be a real pain in the ass. It can keep you from many Joys, in ways you might not even think about. Take it from someone who knows: Pride is a Party Pooper.

Now, before we go further, let's make it clear: I'm not talking about the kind of pride you feel when you or your child have accomplished something. Or the kind that arises from having conquered some fear or limitation. I'm talking about the pride that gets in the way of your well-being. Like when you want something but don't have the means to get it. Whether that something is a "thing" or a "need" or even a relationship. If you want it, and it can't be had without some help...that's the pride I'm talking about.

When you want/need something and you know the only way to get/accomplish that something is to ask for help, and you don't ask ....that is the Party Pooper Pride. It's that voice in your head that tells you how pathetic you are for even having to ask. The voice that says, "Oh look at you. Why don't you just dry up and blow away. You're pitiful."

When that voice speaks, you'd be best off ignoring it. That Party Pooper is doing its best to keep you stuck. To stop you from moving forward. To leave you feeling as helpless and unimportant as possible. Is that the kind of voice you want to heed? Do you really think that by asking for help you're going to be "less" than you are? Do you suppose that anyone who has reached any of their goals did it all by their lonesome?

Are you kidding me?!

Nobody. And I mean NObody who has ever reached "the top" got there alone. Every single one of them had help along the way. Some lived in their cars and only ate because someone else fed them. Some lived on friends' couches for months on end. Some even stood on streets, playing a guitar or horn or whatever...with a hat for "donations" so they could go buy a hot dog at the 7Eleven (ICK!). The stories are as endless as the reasons why. But the endings are pretty much the same:

They needed help. They told the Party Pooper to SHUT UP, and they asked for help.

There is no shame in asking. It's far more shameful to need and not ask than to need and suffer needlessly. We are all here to lend a hand. And you have to ask yourself, "...if the shoe were on the other foot, would I want them to ask me for help?"

If you don't ask, you don't get.

So how 'bout you get over the Party Poopin' Pride and let those people who love you (and even those who don't know you....) help. I'd be willing to bet they'd help...

...if you'd only ask.

the rambling ego

According to Forbes, there are nearly ONE BILLION BLOGS on the internet (right now!). That's a whole lotta blogs. How one blog gets to the top of such a heap is a mystery to me. But I got to thinking about this today whilst in the shower, singin' a tune and lathering my very short, curly hair. I was fully engaged in the moment, happy to have hot, running water and Bruzer lying right outside the bathtub playing sentry. Not that I need a sentry; but it sure is fun to sweep open the shower curtain and see him laying there, nubbie a -waggin', all happy to see me. He's just so darned cute. {see?}

Anyway...there I was, singin' in the shower when all of a sudden this thought pops into my head:

"GEEZLOUIZE! HOW IN THE WORLD DO I GET MY STUFF OUT THERE?"

I stopped lathering {and singing!} and let the thought run. As is usually the case, it wasn't long before another came along. Next thought was, "who cares?" 

It occurred to me that far too often we (I'm using the word "we" as a general term. Not anyone specific OR that it necessarily applies to you. Just sayin'...} do things just for the fun of it only to find ourselves all tangled up in the numbers.

As if more readers might somehow make life better.

As if being on the top of the heap would somehow alter life at all. As if....

The next thing ya know, I'm out of the shower, still pondering all this stuff, and gigglin' at myself for letting my ego ruin the moment. Well, almost. The moment wasn't really ruined; just the song I was singin'. Because those thoughts clamoring around in my brain had distracted me from my song. CRAP! {and a little giggle too}

As I toweled off and got dressed, the thoughts led me 'round to the reasons why I write this blog. It led me back to the beginning when all I really wanted was to lend some support to my own self. I hadn't begun this for anyone else. It was a means for me to take time, every day, to fortify my convictions of the choices I have. It was, at first, a kind of journal that I thought might lend some consistency to my otherwise inconsistent habits. I simply wanted to 'force' myself to write every single day.

Somewhere along the way, people started reading. And sending me messages. And getting involved in what I was writing. The more this happened, the more I began to pay more attention to them than my original intent. Pretty soon, I was checking my 'stats' every hour, just to see if there were 'more'. Whenever the numbers dropped, I'd get kind of bummed. How come they're not reading? How come there aren't more notes? Why didn't that post get any attention?

For a short while this became the focus of my writing. But only for a short while. Now, when I go back and look at the beginning...and the middle...and the now...I can see where I was writing for 'numbers' and where I was simply revealing truths that were there to lead me onward. So today, when all that stuff popped up I was able to recognize what it was in just a few short minutes. By the time I'd gotten dressed, I saw Miss Ego standing there, laughing at me in the mirror.

HA! GOTCHA! 

I must say, it did surprise me a bit. But then, contrary to popular belief, I am not ego-less. Yet. Still workin' on that. But (there it is: the inevitable 'but') I can also say that moments like that are a treasure too. Because without them, I'd not be able to readjust my focus and/or intention. To be sure, I love when what I offer helps others. It makes me very happy to hear the commentary or get the emails about how much this or that meant to someone. Still, it is not my primary 'goal'. I'm not that selfless. {truth can be ugly sometimes, eh?} 

It just so happens that I believe that the very best way to spread the joy is to live it. The best way to help others is to help one's self. That if you are true to who you are, and leave the ego crap behind, more will benefit from your truths. I tried doing it the other way 'round. It didn't work. I found myself "trying" to write, rather than just being the conduit for that splendid Source that IS. It seems quite clear to me that the numbers are nothing more than fuel for an ego I'd prefer not to feed. Ego never got me anywhere. Truth and Trust have. I prefer the latter (2) to the former. 

Besides...the moment I let go those egotistical demands, all kinds of goodness comes...and goes right back out to all the lovely souls who may have found their way here. Kind of a win-win, wouldn't ya say?

polishing the ego ~

There is a saying in Buddhist teachings that when we chant, we are polishing the ego. That is to say, we are rubbing away the fears that keep us from living in joy, every moment of every day. The Buddha spent his life sharing the message that we ALL have the power to live in peace and happiness. It is not something that we must struggle to attain. Rather it is our natural state...and we can make our way back to that state with a bit of devotion and a bit of focus. When we take time to spend with our true Self, honoring that Self and listening to it's message of Love, we find this happiness in an instant. The tricky part?...spending the time to actually DO IT.

For all the many philosophies I've studied along my path, there are two that really resonate with me. They're both so similar in their teachings, and the rituals are also very closely related. Not surprisingly, both are also considered "pagan" philosophies (I hesitate to use the word "religion" because they aren't really. Although, many use that word to define them, it's not quite accurate. But I digress...)

In both Buddhist and Native American teachings, the focus is on harmony. Rather than "praying" to some god, both traditions honor Universal Law or The Great Mystery. There is a common thread that reminds us to cherish all Living Beings, stand in Truth, and practice Kindness at all times. Instead of "asking" for help from some All-Powerful Entity, we are urged to embrace our own Power and tap into the Source to co-create our lives. Instead of fear there is joy. Instead of helplessness there is empowerment. Instead of waiting to live, we ARE living.

I suppose one of the (many) reasons I love these philosophies is that they both use sound to raise energy. The Native Americans have those incredibly powerful chants that make me want to dance around with feathers in my hair. Then there are the drums. The heart beat of Mother Earth. The rhythms of the Universe. Oh, how I love those sounds!

In Buddhism, there is the monotone chant. Nam Myoho Renge Kyo...over and over and over. At first, that sound can be a bit maddening (depending on who you are and how averse to 'droning' you may be) But the magick of this chant is in the resonance. It takes on a rhythm that vibrates through the entire body...and on out into the Cosmos. It can be a most electrifying experience. I used to be strongly opposed to this chant...because it made me feel like I was going to lose my mind. But something happened along the way...and now it's an entirely different feeling. One that grounds me like nothing ever has. Between the two (Native American & Buddhist), each has it's own marvelous way of bringing me to some altered state where there is no fear, no pain, no thought whatsoever. A state of BEING.

I suppose I'm sharing all this right now because I'm feeling immense appreciation. I'm feeling like there's nothing in the world that could disrupt this knowing...that all is well and I am 'safe'. The fear and anger that were once the mainstays of my life have all but disappeared. Not entirely (yet!)...but vastly diminished. It's a beautiful thang!

And, because there have been some strong messages from people I love who are pained and struggling, I thought it might be helpful to put this out there...for anyone who might need it. The short of it is:

It doesn't matter HOW you do it. Just find a way and MAKE the time to spend with your Self. A half hour a day will transform your life. Whether it's to meditate or chant or dance or play in the park...spending time with You is far more important than racing around to "get more stuff". If you will commit to spending this time each day, you will see the proof for yourself. In my world, proof is the fuel that keeps my Spirit coming back for more.

But that's just Me.