Sometimes You Just Gotta ASK

Pride can be a real pain in the ass. It can keep you from many Joys, in ways you might not even think about. Take it from someone who knows: Pride is a Party Pooper.

Now, before we go further, let's make it clear: I'm not talking about the kind of pride you feel when you or your child have accomplished something. Or the kind that arises from having conquered some fear or limitation. I'm talking about the pride that gets in the way of your well-being. Like when you want something but don't have the means to get it. Whether that something is a "thing" or a "need" or even a relationship. If you want it, and it can't be had without some help...that's the pride I'm talking about.

When you want/need something and you know the only way to get/accomplish that something is to ask for help, and you don't ask ....that is the Party Pooper Pride. It's that voice in your head that tells you how pathetic you are for even having to ask. The voice that says, "Oh look at you. Why don't you just dry up and blow away. You're pitiful."

When that voice speaks, you'd be best off ignoring it. That Party Pooper is doing its best to keep you stuck. To stop you from moving forward. To leave you feeling as helpless and unimportant as possible. Is that the kind of voice you want to heed? Do you really think that by asking for help you're going to be "less" than you are? Do you suppose that anyone who has reached any of their goals did it all by their lonesome?

Are you kidding me?!

Nobody. And I mean NObody who has ever reached "the top" got there alone. Every single one of them had help along the way. Some lived in their cars and only ate because someone else fed them. Some lived on friends' couches for months on end. Some even stood on streets, playing a guitar or horn or whatever...with a hat for "donations" so they could go buy a hot dog at the 7Eleven (ICK!). The stories are as endless as the reasons why. But the endings are pretty much the same:

They needed help. They told the Party Pooper to SHUT UP, and they asked for help.

There is no shame in asking. It's far more shameful to need and not ask than to need and suffer needlessly. We are all here to lend a hand. And you have to ask yourself, "...if the shoe were on the other foot, would I want them to ask me for help?"

If you don't ask, you don't get.

So how 'bout you get over the Party Poopin' Pride and let those people who love you (and even those who don't know you....) help. I'd be willing to bet they'd help...

...if you'd only ask.

Wrestling with Pride ~

She called today after months of absence to tell me that her life is a blur of activity. She's busy, busy, busy. She has so much going on that it's impossible to take a breath. She's running 250 MPH, 24/7 and wondering why her bones hurt.

Uh-oh.

Then she told me that a dear friend of hers wants to take her to Paris. Paris in SPRINGTIME! This friend wants to pay her way, from flight to food to accommodations. The whole nine yards. I could hear the resistance in her voice. I could tell she was struggling with her pride. I could feel the angst in her belly. All so very familiar to me. All so very foolish.

We come from a family of very proud people. A family that is so eager to give and so quick to refuse gifts from others. Proud to a fault. The epitome of foolish pride.

As I listened to her tell her story, I could also feel the excitement she was trying so hard to squelch. It wasn't working too well. Regardless of her effort, I knew she was imagining the possibility of letting go the pride and taking that trip with her friend. Next thing I know, she's talking about passports and birth certificates and arrangements for her critters. A big grin spread across my face. Just so happens I have her birth certificate from way back when I was her legal guardian. Knew exactly where it was and grabbed it as we talked. When I told her I had it, I could feel her releasing some of that resistance. I could see the grin on her face.

YESSSS! She's going to go!

Finally I said, "You know, maybe you might like to look at this a bit differently. Maybe you might like to consider that going with her is a gift YOU are giving to her. Maybe, just maybe, it's a way for you to finally begin accepting the endless gifts that you so deserve. We don't have to hold on to that foolish pride that hurt our dad so badly. We can let it go. Will you just consider it?"

She laughed her big, hearty laugh and said, "I knew you were going to say that. And I know you're right. I know it's hurting me. And yes, I'll consider it. I promise."

I hung up the phone and did a little dance. SHE'S GOING TO PARIS! No one deserves it more. She is one of the most giving, generous people on the planet. She is kind and selfless (also to a fault!) and so incredibly loving. And the fact that she's my sister has nothing to do with it. Even if she weren't, she'd still be my friend. And I'd still want her to go. Because she DOES deserve to have some fun and relax and TAKE for a change.

We shall see how that goes.