Selfies...???

So I have a "thing" about "selfies"; the "thing" is...I am not a fan. I suppose part of it is because me thinks our culture is obsessed with itself. Collectively and individually. I walk and/or drive around town and I watch as youngsters hold their phones in their hands as if they couldn't breathe without them. Kinda like an external lung. They barely watch where they're going or notice their surroundings. They step off curbs, into traffic, with nary a glance at what may be coming. And they walk...or rather, amble, across the road as if they're immortal. I get great pleasure honking my horn right as they reach dead center of my truck's hood. I laugh my ass off when they jump out of their skins and glare at me. I know. It's mean! But you know something? I don't care. I feel it is my personal mission to get them to pay attention. And besides that, what I really want to do is grab the fucking phone and toss it in front of a speeding bus. So, in that regard, I'm not as mean as I could be. (hear the sound of my roaring laughter here.)

{First Aside: as you can see, I have very strong feelings about this. I want to assure you, though, that we WILL come back 'round to JOY. As we always do. So...hang tough and read on.}

The second reason I may be so averse to selfies is that I'm terrible at taking them. Every time I think it might be fun to try (while in my home, not out in public), I take about ten...and hate every one of them. I look ridiculous. What's worse, I have never once taken a selfie that was even remotely flattering. So, perhaps, I am just as guilty of the self-obsession I so clearly loathe.

Strike two.

{Second Aside: to prove my point, here is a selfie I took just before sitting down to right this post. See what I mean? RIDICULOUS.}

{Actually, the real reason for wanting to take a photo was because my hair is looking fabulous today. AND...it's finally long enough to put up in a banana clip. Thrilling stuff, this.}

But back to the point...

While watching "World of Dance" this week, there was a couple who did a dance that was all about their own feelings about cell phones and how we ignore the loved one right in front of us, just because we need to keep our faces buried in our phones. It was both profound and a stunning performance. They won the "battle" for this week's Face Offs. I had recorded the show, as I always do, and watched that dance three times before moving on. I was so deeply touched, I had tears running down my face. So, you see, this has been festering for a while. Even before seeing that performance, I have struggled to keep my perspective about all this. Mostly because I want to be certain that I am not turning into some crabby old woman without a sense of perspective or any aversion to change. I want, always, to be open-minded and eager to face change. I want to remain open to new adventures. Most of all, though, I wish to live my Life with boundless Appreciation. Having such aversions to the way the mainstream uses technology is, in my mind, a tricky and treacherous line I walk every time I see what I see.

If I am being honest with Meself, the whole thing boils down to judgments. That is to say, I am judging people for the way they live their lives. Or use their devices. Or the choices they make. I judge them without having a clue about who they really are. Or why they do what they do. Or the personal freedoms I so strongly support. Who the hell am I to judge them? Further, why should I care at all? Is the mainstream obsession with selfies going to have a derogatory affect on my world? 

The answer is: NO. It has nothing to do with me, unless, of course, I make it my business. Why in the world would I do that? Why should I care if people are zombie-walking through their lives with phones permanently glued to their hands? What has any of it to do with me?

In some ways, I could argue that, in a Big-Picture kind of way, it does affect all of us. In the way that people are so immersed in their social media lives that they're not participating in the world around them...and that is a mighty dangerous thing.

{Third Aside: case in point: the current President of the United States and how he got there. Did you know that less than sixty percent of the population voted? But...let us not go down that road...Talk about slippery slopes!}

To say that none of this is affecting us, as a global society, is to be blind to all the rest of the things going on right now that sorely need our attention. As you can see, I'm vacillating here. Yes or no? Does it or doesn't it matter? 

So...here's where I ended up:

I have the choice, just as each of us does, to CHOOSE what I give my attention to. I have the power, in my own Life, to change my focus and direct it to those things that not only bring me Joy, but also have a direct affect on the world. Energy is energy. Where I focus that energy, where any of us focus, is the only thing that really matters. Do I wish to focus on the insanely massive selfie-taking population OR would I prefer to focus instead on all the millions of people who take time, each and every day, to make the world a better place? 

Me thinks it's a no-brainer.

{Last Aside: SHEESH! I'm so happy I got that off my chest!}

the whole selfish thang

Been thinking a lot about the word "selfish" lately. Mostly because it appears that we have been taught that it's a bad thing. From the time we're little kids, we are told we must share. We must put others first. "Tis better to give than receive". So it got me to thinking about the view from "outside". Here's what I mean:

Let's say you're going about your business, doing what you do, being who you are. You make it a habit to help people when you can, doing whatever it is for the sheer joy of helping. No agenda. No ulterior motives. Just being "nice". It's who you are. It's how you are. It's not really anything you give a lot of thought; just "being" the you that is you. Then one day, someone calls you up and asks for a "favor". Maybe they want to borrow your truck or drop their kids off for the day or come over to your house and use your swimming pool so they can have a huge party. Problem is, you don't much feel like doing whatever it is they've asked you to do. You don't like anyone else driving your truck. Or you're not in the mood for a bunch of noisy kids screaming through your house for the next 8 hours. Or you're just not into having a bunch of strangers coming over to your house, whoopin' it up and making a mess. So you say, "No."

Next thing you know, they're calling you selfish. They're reading you the riot act for not obliging their request. They call you all sorts of other things (on top of the selfish bitch that you are) and hang up the phone, swearing to never speak to you again.

As you drop the phone and hear the echo of their words in your head, you get that awful feeling in the pit of your stomach and begin to question whether or not their accusations are true. You feel the pain of their wrath and wonder if maybe you are being selfish. You second-guess your very nature, all because you said "no" to someone who has over-stepped some boundaries. In short, you feel like shit for having said no.

Now I want to offer this up because it seems to me that few people ever get past the feeling like shit part. And maybe it's because of that whole "don't be selfish" thing. What if...when someone calls you selfish what they're really saying is, "How DARE you not put me first! How DARE you think of yourself and your needs before mine. How DARE YOU!"

Because from where I sit, that is precisely what is going on. When people call you selfish, what they mean is that you have no right to put your needs and desires before theirs. If you weren't so selfish, you'd want them to be happy. You'd want them to have what they want, no matter the cost to yourself. See what I mean?

I suppose the folks who have the hardest time with this whole selfish thing are the ones who are utterly selfLESS. The ones who go out of their way to do, do, do for everyone but themselves. And the moment that someone calls them selfish, they are so astonished they can't even breath. It's a sad and common thing. But it happens. Too much. To many fine people. And the worst thing of all is that they think they are being selfish, just because somebody said so. Very sad indeed.

The last time someone called me selfish, I laughed and said, "Yep. You're right. I AM. And guess what? I don't really care what you think anyway. Because if you weren't being so selfish, you'd see that your accusation is all about YOU, not me. Your judgment of me is utterly irrelevant."

Stopped 'em dead in their tracks. And even though it didn't mend any fences, they were fences I didn't want mended in the first place. I have no room nor any desire to have such people in my world. Am I selfish? Yes I am. Sometimes. And I don't think there's a reason in the world to have to justify my choices to anyone. I do plenty of stuff for other people. I do it because I want to, not because I am obliged. As far as I'm concerned, anyone who wants to point their finger at me and judge can just go stand in the mirror for a minute and see who the jury is. I'm not having any of it. Judge if you wish. But I'm not obligated to honor your decision. The only judgement that matters to me is MINE.

So there.