mustering faith

Have you ever noticed that when you're in a spot and you're looking for answers, people love to throw around the phrase, "have a little faith". They speak of this "thing" as if everyone knows what it is or how to have it. As if we all learned the secret to Faith and can call on it whenever we need to.

The trouble with Faith is that the more you need it, the less available it seems to be. Perhaps it is my aversion to all things religious. Or maybe it's because the only time I question this thing is, well, when I need it most. More often than not, when I hear someone utter those words, I roll my eyes and use every ounce of willpower I have to not punch them in the face.

{YIKES!}

So what is it, exactly? This thing called Faith?

I once heard Maya Angelou's son tell Oprah that his mother had "faith like a rock"; he added that he wanted to have that kind of faith but hadn't the first clue about how to get it.

I nodded my head in agreement.

I have friends who are deeply religious. Although I don't share their beliefs, it has never kept us from being and staying friends. We don't hold it against each other that our belief systems are different. There is no judgment or ill-will. It's the old, "to each his own" kind of attitude. A rare and lovely kind of bond.

I also have friends who claim atheism. I stand on that edge...ever mindful of my own meanderings when things get tough. How is it that I don't believe in the "God of Abraham", or any god for that matter, but when the shit hits the fan, my first thought is, "sweet mother of Jesus, HELP ME!"? I find this both odd and disturbing. Because when I scan my soul for those "core" beliefs, god is not among them. I find the whole idea a bit ridiculous. And a whole lot of other not-so-nice things too. Mostly, though, I feel like there's just too much horrible history about how "people of faith" and/or "God-fearing Christians" use(d) their interpretations to terrorize and kill anyone who didn't buy what they were selling. From the Crusades to the Ku Klux Klan, and all the rest in between, these people have used "the word of god" to enslave and decimate entire populations.

{See what I mean about "aversion"?}

So what is it about Faith that eludes those of us without religion? Is Faith exclusive to religious belief? Do you have to believe in some kind of god in order to have it? And what about the other gods? Like Odin and Zeus and Brahma and Pan {my personal favorite} and Gaia (did you know she was Thor's mother?), and Kokopelli (same dude as Pan but of Native American origins)? If I believe in those gods, does Faith still carry weight?

At this point, I think it would be a good time to quote one of my favorite Humans {in the whole Universe!}. Because...he kinda says it all with this Vanity Card (May 2013). His name is Chuck Lorre. He is my Genius. When I first read this one, I laughed a rip-snortin' laugh, got up to write it down, and made a note to write him a letter asking him to marry me. {Which I did. The very next day. And several times since. He has yet to respond despite dozens of proposals.}

"I've been thinking about becoming a polytheist. No, this has nothing to do with missing Battlestar Galactica. And yes, I realize my blasphemous notion flies in the face of a few thousand years of "Ye shall have no other gods before me." (To be honest, even when I was a kid that commandment troubled me. It sounded like a jealous girlfriend saying, If I catch you looking at other girls, you're in big trouble, Mister?" And don't get me started on how "no other gods before me" kinda implies that there might actually be some other gods loitering about.) But my main reason for considering becoming a Pagan (Pagish? Jewgan?), is that it neatly answers the age-old question, "Why does god allow so much suffering in the world?" When tragedy strikes, the monotheistic approach can only offer the tired old, "It is not for us to question god's will." Really? Why not us? Who else is in the questioning business? But look what happens when we ask the same question from a pantheistic perspective. Why do gods allow so much suffering in the world? Because outside of their particular area of expertise: farming, war, fertility, what-have-you, they are not even remotely in control. The buck stops nowhere. (In this scenario both the Old Testament and New Testament deities are off the hook as far as your general suffering is concerned.) But here's the really good news: with a polytheistic approach to prayer we can micro-target our beseeching. Trouble with love? Take it to Aphrodite. Not catching enough fish? Poseidon. Are you regularly waking up from alcohol-induced blackouts in the sleeping compartment of long-haul trucks that carry circus equipment and little people? That sounds like a job for Dionysus. Need your sitcom pilot to get picked up for the Fall season? Les Moonves. In other words, whatever the crisis might be, there's a god ready to take your call. What are you waiting for? Call now and receive a free goat-sacrificing kit! (Goat sold separately)"

And THAT, my friend, pretty much says what I think about the whole god thang. 

But it still doesn't answer my question: 

If you don't have Faith, where do you get it?

#joyzachoice #chucklorre #livinglivee #faith

Chuck Lorre Vanity Card #552

CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #552

The Prophet
by
Chuck Gibran

And then a man stepped from the group of villagers and asked the Prophet, “In these troubled times, what should we be most wary of?”

The Prophet said, “Beware the opportune tragedy. The Reichstag. The Gulf of Tonkin. The Archduke. For this will surely portend the end of your freedom, as well as the Bill Maher show. Now that I think of it, Oliver and Bee are also toast.”

Then a young woman approached the Prophet. She looked up at his not-half-bad-looking-for-a-man-his-age face and asked, “Why do men seek to possess and control my body?”

To this the Prophet said, “Men covet the divine. And what is more transcendent than the power to create life. To have power over a woman’s body is their misguided attempt to have power over god. To be god. With this in mind, keep an eye out for the man who builds golden temples so people may worship him. Having a Canadian passport is also not a bad idea.”

Dear Chuck Lorre ~

 Dear Chuck Lorre ~

First, I would like to thank you, again, for your personal contribution to my well-being. You crack me UP. Each and every time you write a Vanity Card. Even the ones that say, "I got nothin'." The result of these more-than-momentary giggle fits is some serious kick-ass on an over-eager autoimmune system that might otherwise be my demise. In short, (too late), you make me laugh. HARD. My AI system buckles from the weight of said laughter. I feel immense relief. I am profoundly grateful.

Second, I would like to rescind my previous 457 marriage proposals. I don't think it'd work out. I don't really believe in the institution of marriage (or any other, for that matter) so I feel it would be both hypocritical and doomed to fail were you to accept. However, I do have an alternative proposal that might be far more appealing (and equally beneficial). To both of us. So...here goes:

I propose that we meet, say, once every two weeks (terms are open for negotiation), in the middle of your horribly hectic day. Maybe Tuesdays and Thursdays. Or...we can discuss what works best for each of us. During these meetings, I will provide a homemade yummy dish of your choosing (provided the terms "gluten-free" and/or "vegan" are not in the mix. Sorry. I don't cook like that. I'm Italian, for Pete's sake!) and you can do what you already do. That is to say...just tickle the hell outta me with your ridiculously funny shit.

Mr. Lorre, I await your response with great eagerness. No. I'm not kidding. If you say, "Let's do it!", I'll see you next week

.

Lastly, for those of you who don't watch The Big Bang Theory, here is Mr. Lorre's latest offering. I'm tellin' ya, the guy slays me.

Chuck Lorre Productions, #550

 Trucks and miscellaneous construction equipment emit a piercing 'beep-beep-beep' noise when they back up. I've always assumed this sound was a response to past litigation. Insurance companies, seeking to avoid lawsuits, decided this was a defendable way to warn stupid people that a large vehicle was sneaking up on them. In other words, flattened morons can't sue a construction company if they are duly alerted by a series of shrieking beeps. Now I should make clear, I'm totally in favor of signaling dumbasses. But what I do not support is the 'beep-beep-beeping' happening every friggin' morning at the break of friggin' dawn. Who's up to be run over that early?! And I'll take it one step further. I think the drivers of these vehicles back up way more than necessary. I think they secretly enjoy the fact that they're waking up people for miles around. I think they think, "I'm up early, so screw you, you get up too." So anyway... that's what I think. I have no solution to this situation. I just wanted these people to know that I'm on to them, and I hate them.

Chuck Lorre Productions, #505

I am a HUGE Chuck Lorre fan. The Big Bang Theory is my numero uno favorite comedy on TV. It's one of the few shows that make me laugh, rowdy and raucous, when I watch. Even the reruns still crack me up. But perhaps one of the best things about Mr. Lorre is his wickedly snarky "Vanity Cards" at the end of each show. They're only visible for ONE second (literally!) but, thanks to DVR technology, we can now pause and read. I LOVE them. Really I do. This particular one, after Monday night's BBT show, is a terrific example of why I think Mister Chuck Lorre is the most brilliant SitCom writer of our time. He is also my writing hero. I'm sharing this today because...well...it just seems to suit the vibe going on 'round here.

{Did I mention that more often than not the things he writes about are things I've often thought?...except that I don't have his brilliant way with words. Or his command of Snark. Alas! There's always tomorrow....}

"It seems to me that the biggest, most momentous choice of our lives is the one that none of us gets to make. I'm talking about the decision to be here, to be alive. Now before I digress into the choice of leaving this life, a subject best suited for notes left on the bed stand, let's investigate the initial premise. Simply put, we all arrive here screaming, crying, and covered in goo, without prior consultation. Or so it appears. If in fact we were part of the decision to become cognizant, the memory of that process has been completely wiped from our consciousness. But what if it were retrievable? What if we could become aware of the primary decision to live, the fateful choice to participate in the world of time, energy, and form? Wouldn't that improve our daily condition? No matter how difficult and confusing life was, we would always be clear on one thing, "I asked to be here. This is my choice." Of course, there's another option to consider. We are here against our will. The unending cycle of birth, life and death is a sentence. We are souls in prison. But that grim, Matrix-like scenario falls apart the minute you ask how hell on earth could possibly include gelato."

Chuck Lorre, will you marry me?

P.S. I'm pretty sure there are copyright laws about reproducing this stuff. I'm hoping though, that Mr. Lorre and his production company will forgo the lawsuit in exchange for a little ego stroking. Not that I don't mean it when I say I love him. I do. But the whole lawsuit thang is a bit daunting, doncha think?

Thank you Chuck Lorre....

Chuck Lorre Productions, #400 ~ November 29, 2012

I've been told that if you change your mind, you change the world ~ or at least the way you experience it. Let's take a moment to examine that. The presumption is, if you thought the world was a hostile, ugly place, with awful people doing awful things, that is what you'd see. Your mind would naturally seek out confirmation for its preconceived ideas (e.g. if you're intent on buying a red car, as you go about your day you'll see lots of red cars). If, however, you were to sincerely change your mind and see that we are all God in drag, that we are the conscious aspects of a perfect universe which had to create us so we could bear witness and stand in awe before its loving magnificence, then that is the soul-shaking reality you'd be greeted with each and every moment of each and every day. In other words, it is entirely our choice as to what kind of world we live in. With a simple decision, we can suffer in the darkness or play in the light. We can be angry, frightened and enslaved, or loving, joyous and free.

I know. It's a toughie.