Monday, January 24, 2011

In Honor of MerryMe

The name of this blog is JoyZAChoice. You probably already know that, but in case you forgot...I thought I'd remind you before I continue with this missive.

I remind you so that you will keep it in your heart as you read further. Today's little 'message' is being written specifically for my friend, MerryMe. She is about to embark on a brand new journey. And it may just be that she hasn't yet gotten her sea-legs. So... I just wanted to remind you that this blog is all about choosing Joy. For some, the matter of death is not so much a joyful thing. Small wonder, considering what we have been taught about the whole process.

I'll grant you...when someone leaves us it is not usually cause for celebration. We want them near us. We want to talk with them and laugh with them and hold them and touch them. We want their physical presence, not some LaLaLand version of their presence. I get it. I, too, have had my moments of sadness when someone I love has moved on. I don't much like their absence. BUT....

There are many traditions that celebrate death. They hold the belief that now their loved one(s) are at peace. They no longer feel pain or angst or any less-than feelings. They have returned to their Source, whatever that may mean to them. In short, it is a happy occasion. One to celebrate with laughter and the telling of stories and the sharing of food and drink. Break out the band. Break out the wine. Break out the balloons. Time to party!

I say this now because I wish to hold true to the purpose of this blog. AND because I saw something on MerryMe's blog that got my shorts in a twist. Someone wrote a comment telling her to "make time to grieve". And I thought, "WOW! REALLY? You're encouraging her to be sad???" I'm certain the person was lending support and love. But I question the stubborn consistency of such traditions.

Why must we mourn?
Why must we grieve?
Why must we 'make time' to feel such sadness?

I'm not trying to undermine or diminish anyone's feelings here. I'm simply saying that there is another way to meet death. And it doesn't have to be all tears and aching. It can be a celebration. Because, from my experience with such things, it is not the person who has passed we grieve for.

It is for ourselves.

We miss the person we are when they're around. We want the feelings they evoked. We want the surging of love they inspired. It is all about what WE won't be having now that they're gone. Once seen from this perspective, it pretty much negates the 'need to grieve'. It gives us another window from which to view this ongoing cycle of life. And it sure beats the hell outta feeling like crap for weeks or months or years on end.

Maybe I've just experienced so much 'death' that I have grown a kind of armor. Or maybe, just maybe, I'm finally remembering that death isn't anything we need fear. Death is a beautiful part of the process of Life. Ya just can't have one without the other. Period. So why fear it? Why mourn the passing of a life? Why not carry all those wonderful moments in our hearts, and smile that we were graced to have them?

It is my greatest wish that my friend walk through this next 'part' with grace and joy. I am not here to tell ya'll how to deal with the passing of a loved one. I'm simply offering yet another choice. Because that, my friends, is what this Life is all about.

I pray, MerryMe...that you will choose JOY.

P.S. And if you can forgo all the guilt crap too. I'm quite certain that there is no "guilt" on the Other Side!

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