The Warrior

{The following piece is dedicated to one of my oldest and dearest friends. She is my sister, my comrade, my friend. She inspired this...and so it is to her I send my heart ~}

There are Humans who have an innate ability to overcome the most horrific of challenges. They are the kind of Humans who others call Heroes. They are those admirable, courageous, incredibly resilient folks who just won't take no for an answer. They refuse to be intimidated by monsters under the bed. Or physical challenges. Or medical diagnoses. They are tenacious, stubborn, big-hearted warriors. They are rare and beautiful Beings who sometimes need our help...but often will not ask simply because they are unfamiliar with the need to (ask for help).

It is these Humans to whom I offer today's Joy-full meanderings.

You may have spent your life doing good for those you love simply because you could. You may have volunteered to fight fires, patrol neighborhoods, feed the poor, help the elderly, run marathons for charities. You probably never had more than a few moments of doubt in your Self. You have been strength personified. A beacon of light for many lost souls who crossed your path. In all likelihood, you have been self-sustaining and independent throughout your life. Yours has always been the Warrior's Way.

And then....

Something happens. Something so huge that it knocks you off your horse and leaves you lying in the dirt, out of breath and utterly confused. Your life's experiences did not prepare you for this. You never even considered a siege such as this. Totally out of your realm. A monumental Surprise Attack.

As you lie there, wondering what mighty force brought you to your knees, your mind races through the years of weaponry you've accumulated. You try to focus on all those experiences that brought you to victory. You do your best to keep your calm and forgo the panic that hovers just on the edge of your consciousness. You fight with your own fears, even though you've never once voiced them to anyone. You are, for the first time in your life, terrified.

It is in this moment of realization that you come to clarity. You see it all through your Warrior's eyes. There is no clouding in your judgment. The terror begins to wane. The calm begins to return. Your breathing begins to regulate. Your heart beats steadily. Your Warrior returns.

Now is the moment when you see that this battle is merely one more in a lifetime of battles. You realize that there is nothing that can stop you now. Not even the direst of circumstances. Your trusty steed stands waiting. Your hand reaches for the reins, knowing that it is your right to continue on. You have all the tools you need to conquer this enemy. And as these thoughts flood your mind, you can feel the rush of blood coursing through you, urging you to remount and get on with it.

This is the Way of the Warrior. There is no other option. You must because you are.

And that, my friend, is why you are here.

Trust your Warrior. She will not desert you. Trust her strength and her courage and her absolute tenacity.

All-ways.

resistance is futile

"resistance is futile". probably one of the scariest phrases i'd ever heard back when Jean Luc Picard was running the Starship Enterprise. used the scare the bejeebers outta me when the Borgs would show up. scary scary scary. then there was the episode where the great Captain Picard was turned into one. omigod! i'm tellin' ya, that stuff used to creep me out. but i was glued. mostly cuz i was in love with ol' Jean Luc. sexy to the core.

anyway...that was a long time ago. still i recall those words and now, i'm happy to say, they mean something entirely different. 

"resistance is futile". 

so true. 

but now, the reason it isn't scary anymore is because i know some things i didn't know then.

like how much ickier life is when you push against stuff.

like how much it hurts you when you do.

like how the less you resist, the more you flow.

kinda like water.

put a bunch of rocks and sticks and crap in the river and watch how the water slows.

pull that stuff aside, and watch how it flows MORE.

life is kinda the same way.

the more we resist, no matter what it is, the less we flow. when we remove the junk, and just let things be, especially those things over which we have ZERO control, the more we are free to flow with life instead of pushing against it. funny part? it's really not that hard to do. in fact, it's pretty darned easy.

now, as most of us have already learned, hindsight is always 20/20. it's so much easier to see things after the fact, yes? which is why folks who've been around for a few decades tend to be a bit more easy going than those who are still making their first trips around the sun. that is, if they've had any semblance of consciousness to begin with. i like to think so. sure, there are those who go their entire lives with nary a conscious thought. but i don't pay much attention to those folks. serves no good purpose to focus on that. more and more it's clear that whatever i focus on is precisely what i get more of. so...

as a life-time warrior princess, i know a thing or two about pushing against. i know how to wage war and win. i know how to start a fight and walk away pretty much intact. i also know that the amount of energy needed to win said wars is not worth it. it is far easier (and much more pleasant) to live as a peaceful warrior. therein lies the secret to the futility of resistance.

know what i mean?

Maybe it's in the stars....

For a minute there, I thought it was just me. Turns out it isn't. Turns out there are a host of folks who've been feelin' their own version of nails on a chalkboard too. Funny how when you know you're not "the only one", it somehow makes the whole trip easier. Go figure.

Just a couple of days ago, I started feeling this rawness. Everything and everyone was rubbing up against me...making my skin hurt. Super-hyper-sensativity and all that jazz. I kept trying to shift. Using all the 'tools' I now carry with me, I kept turning my attention elsewhere. Wasn't doin' me a bit of good. No matter what I used, I kept going right back to 'raw'.

At some point I got so irritated, I slid right back into anger mode. That's a no-brainer for me. When all else fails, just get pissed off. Try as I may, no matter how much I learn or practice or seem to be moving onward (in my own "evolution", so to speak), if I don't find a way to let the crap go, I ALWAYS end up at anger. My number one 'defense'. When I get there, all manner of raging warrior comes flyin' out of me...and at that point there's no stopping it. The good news is that I don't direct it at anyone else. Used to do that all the time. Not now. Now it's all just flyin' out of me...into the ether and who-knows-where else. Still...it's kinda scary. (and VERY frustrating!)

During this last tantrum, I had the great gift of a phone call from my best friend. This is a woman who's known me forEVER. And we've walked through many a fire together. She loves me anyway. (PRAISE ALLAH!) She's also one of the most honest people I know. She doesn't try to assuage or side-step what she feels (or sees); as a result, she is always magnificent in her observations of what's going on, whether it's me or her or anyone else that seems to be in a snit. She just has that gift, ya know?

Anyway, she was listening to me rant and when I'd finally run out of steam she said the most beautiful thing:

"I know how much work you've done to get some kind of balance with yourself. I know you want so much to exorcise that rage. But what you don't seem to realize is that it is a core part of who you are. AND THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT. Stop judging that warrior. Stop trying to be somebody you aren't. Isn't this what you're always telling ME? That rage is there to serve you. Now all you have to do is acknowledge it for what it is, WITHOUT judging yourself for it. And then find a way to use it to your benefit. Get out of your head. You're stuck in there and it's only causing you to hurt more. Go take a freakin' pottery class. Or a kick-boxing class. Or any kind of class that will put you in your BODY and get you out of your head. Watch and see how things change."

Am I blessed or WHUT?