a bug up yer butt

During the course of any given day, I can be found with my nose buried in a dictionary. The kind you can hold in your hands. That weighs about 10 pounds. And has the actual origins of words along with various definitions, including slang. I love dictionaries for a lot of reasons. Mostly because I am often astonished at just how ignorant many people are in both usage and understanding of said words.

Case is point:

Someone I know by way of someone else (i.e. they are an acquaintance of sorts by virtue of our friendship with a woman we each know respectively) was compelled to write a note on my FaceBook wall to tell me that a certain quote was not "proven" to have been said by the supposed author of the quote. She also stated that she is "relentlessly pragmatic". Being as how I am only acquainted with her via my friend, and knowing only what I have been told by this friend, I have little to go on other than various exchanges we (my friend and I) have had about this other person. She seems a very intelligent and kind woman, devout in her work and her desire to help other authors get their due. Again, all this is by way of things I have heard, not by my own personal interaction with this woman.

Anyway...the moment I read what she wrote, I immediately responded with "beware self-imposed limitations. Pragmatism clouds the waters of intuition and creativity." And then, immediately following that response, I grabbed my dictionary to look up the word...again. I already know what it means, but I wanted the origin(s) and a more detailed definition. Just because.

Here is what I found:

prag-mat-ic adj. [Lat. pragmaticus, skilled in business <Gk. pragmatikos <pragma, deed <prattein, to do.] 1. Concerned with causes and effects or needs and results rather than ideas or theories: PRACTICAL. 2. Of or relating to pragmatism.

prag-ma-tism n. 1. Philos. The theory, developed by Charles S. Peirce and William James, that the meaning of a proposition or course of action lies in its observable consequences and that the sum of the consequences constitutes its meaning. 2. A practical way of solving problems.

As soon as I finished reading the definitions, I thought perhaps I might send them to her. Then I thought not. Because the onus is not mine. I am not here to correct or otherwise educate those who consider themselves well-read or finely educated. Fact is, I know plenty of folks who hold both Masters and Doctorates who couldn't spell their way out of a paper bag, let alone give a correct definition for every word in our ridiculously complicated language. It is often a bit frightening to me knowing this. Particularly when I am in the hands of a medical professional. Someone once said that "experts" are usually well-versed in one particular subject, and completely devoid of an ounce of knowledge (sense!) elsewhere. I have found this to be alarmingly true. In any case, the whole point here is that it isn't my job to whack somebody over the head just because they don't know how to use a word properly. Also, who freakin' cares?!

I suppose the reason I was compelled to dash this out to the world is simply because I have some sort of bug up my butt today. Maybe it's the barometric pressure. Or the fact that I haven't yet had my chocolate. Or because I need a nap and am too stubborn to go lie down. Whatever the reason for the bug up my butt, one thing is certain: it is always better to find a way to laughter than to let the bug crawl further up one's butt.

GEEEEZ.

no. you cannot change "them"

I don't give much credence to astrological forecasts. You know...those "daily" thingies you get on your homepage or the little blurb in the newspapers. Mostly I think they're kinda hokey. Just too generic to mean anything. But then, what do I know? I mean, it's not like I've ever studied such things.

On the other hand, I did have my chart done once. I had this friend who was really into it. Apparently, she was very curious about "why" I was the way I was. I thought it was pretty funny; that she was so adamant about the "why" part. So I gave her the data she needed and waited for her findings. A week later, she phoned, all excited, and asked me to come over for a glass of wine. Off I went to see what the stars had to say.

Turns out that little chart was quite the eye-opener. There were all kinds of things that led me to a better understanding of my personality traits and some of the more obvious leanings I had when dealing with the world. It was kinda cool. Still, I didn't go any further with it. I didn't buy books or do any research (as is my usual M.O.) because...well, frankly, I didn't really give a rip. I had that attitude of "I am who I am." and didn't give it much thought thereafter.

I won't say that I haven't been curious though. I think it's pretty wild that all kinds of "heads of state", etc., hire professional astrologers to tell them what's cookin'. I've always found that surprising. That, in itself, was what got me more curious. But, again, didn't do much about it.

But then something happened that made me remember my curiosity. It was a little spat I had with a friend. She got all upset with me because I'd actually taken action on a suggestion that she made. Turns out, she wasn't really wanting me to do what I did. And she got all pissed at me even though it had been her idea. I realized this as I listened to what she wasn't saying. She was pretty twisted and I could feel it. Even over the phone. I asked her what was wrong. She made all kinds of excuses but wouldn't tell me how she was really feeling. Finally I realized that there wasn't anything I could say or do to make her come clean. I knew what she was pissed about, but I also knew she wasn't going to cop to it. She was in one of her nasty moods where she wanted to be pissed; she wanted to fight and blame and not take responsibility. She simply wanted to feel the anger. And it wasn't really me at all. I knew all this instinctively; and after trying for a few long minutes, I finally told her that I saw no point in continuing the conversation. I told her that I could feel her anger and that I was pretty certain that she wasn't telling me the truth. I also told her that it was her choice to be pissed and stay that way if she wanted. And then I told her I loved her and hung up the phone.

A while later, after giving it much thought, I realized that there was really nothing I could do about how she felt. I realized that, in a much larger way, she really does look for things to be angry about. She wants to feel like crap so she can have a reason to get on-your-lips drunk. She has no desire to live the joy that she has only experienced in small doses throughout her life. It's her M.O. It's what makes her world go round.

Sad. But oh-so-true. I've known her for a very long time and it's been a pattern for as long as I've known her. We'll be sailing along, each of us making progress in our own growth cycles, and then...WHAMMO! She comes up with something to justify getting all nasty with me. Last time it happened was a few years back and I simply refused to dance. I told her it was her choice to make; I made mine and stopped calling. I just let her be and didn't make any attempts to patch things up, as it were. This made her furious. But, in the end, she came 'round and made all kinds of apologies for her behaviour. I am a person who believes wholeheartedly in forgiveness. So we "kissed and made up" and off we went onto the next chapter of our friendship.

Now, if it sounds like I'm trying to be the hero here, please know I am not. I have no desire to be the one in the "right". I don't really give a rip about who's right and who's wrong. What matters most to me is that we learn and grow and get better at being Who We Really Are. All the rest is just a bunch of hooey. We can go 'round blaming everybody and their grandmother for all the crap in our lives. OR we can step back and have a look in the mirror. Because the person staring back is the person responsible for all of it. Every single bit of the angst and anger and anything else that feels "less than" is created by "me". And the sooner we all get that part, the sooner we'll stop feeling that ickiness. I know. I've had my many epiphanies. And the one thing I know for sure is this:

I cannot change ANYONE. I cannot convince, cajole, brainwash, urge, shove, or man-handle anyone into a belief. The reason I know this is no one has ever been able to do it to me. There isn't a soul on the planet who can change my mind about anything I don't want to change. So...the point?

The only person I can change is ME. Sure, there are people who can inspire me to look at myself with different eyes and lend me a new perspective. But in the end, they can't make the changes. It must come from me. Knowing this makes moments like the one with my friend make a whole lot more sense (and it saves me from going cuckoo over something I have no control over). It takes the pressure off me to change her (or anyone else who happens to float into my world). I cannot. Nor do I have any desire. She must walk her path and live the life she's chosen, even if it's filled with stuff I consider icky. I am not her. She is not me. No one lives in my skin (and vice versa). Any attempt to change someone else will always result in the same outcome:

Utter failure.

So quit trying. Quit wasting your time and energy on changing anyone else. Use that same time/energy to work on YOU. In my experience, that is what will bring the most joy to YOUR world. But then...who the hell am I to tell YOU?