So you're struggling with that thing you love to do. You procrastinate. You find ways to sabotage yourself. You make every kind of excuse to NOT do it. This is a form of self-punishment and, at some level, self-loathing. You might not see it that way. But if you were to take a moment or two, you might surprise yourself. See, the whole Creative Being thing is a bit more tricky than your brain can handle. That is to say, your brain isn't the Creative Being. You are.
The thing about tapping into your Creator is that there's a whole ton of baggage you brought with you over the course of this lifetime. Stuff your parents told you. Stuff your teachers told you. Stuff you heard on the playground. Some stuff you just made up in your own head. All in all, it can make for some very boisterous and horribly unruly conversation, all of which will leave you exhausted, scared, or (if you're lucky) pissed off to the Nth degree. This then leads to ... you guessed it...NOT doing what you really love to do.
Know what I'm talking about?
Here's a little sample:
Let's say you've always wanted to be a dancer. For as long as you can remember you've been jammin' to the tunes and entertaining everybody around you. Maybe you went to school for it. Maybe not. Maybe you decided to forgo college and hit New York City instead. Gonna make it as a Rockette. Or dance with the Alvin Ailey Company or Madonna (well, for that you'd have to go to L.A. but who cares). Maybe you didn't do any of those things because you heard your father saying, "Only the best of the best can do that for a living. You're just not that good." Even if he only said it once, it's quite likely it rang in your head a million times so it seemed like he said it every day of your life. Whatever it was, it stuck. And so, because of the very sensitive nature of your Being, (doncha know? ALL creators are ultra sensitive!), you got yourself a "real" job and put the dancing thing on hold.
When I have some money saved, I'll quit my job and do it.
When I find the courage to move out of this god-forsaken town, I'll do it.
When I turn 18 (or 21 or whatever), I'll do it.
When nobody can stop me....
Sadly, what you might not have realized is that the only person who was really stopping you was
And now, here you are, wishing you'd done this or that differently. Wishing you still had that fire burning in your belly. And those lithe, strong muscles. And the so-called youth that has long slipped away (unless, of course, you're still living that youth. In which case, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR???). The point is, that was then and this is now and there isn't any good reason for you to NOT do whatever it is you really wish you could do.
Which leads us back to the self-sabotage thing.
You've been listening to those horrible tapes in your head for so long, you actually have forgotten just how magnificent you really are. Really. Because if you remembered, you wouldn't be punishing yourself by not doing what you really love to do. No matter what it is or how "old" you are. If you remembered how utterly, perfectly magnificent you truly are, you'd stop beating yourself up and let yourself just BE MAGNIFICENT. But the tricky part is that you've forgotten which is why you are where you are in the first place. So here's a little something for you to play with.
Pretend you are MAGNIFICENT. Even if it's just for 15 seconds. What would that feel like? What would it feel like to be the marvelous, creative, awesome Being that you really are? I know. You don't know how that feels. But if you will just PRETEND for a little while each and every day, you will remember. You will feel how it feels and know all the way to the core of your Magnificent Beautiful Self that you are and always have been. So...
Whatcha gonna do now?