One of the Four Agreements (by Don Miguel Ruiz) says: Don't take anything personally.
I remember the first time I read that one; I thought, "hmmmmm. That's gonna be tricky." Mostly, I think, it's because there is so much Ego involved. Know what I mean?
So it happened that one day, after trying to reach this certain someone after several phone calls and emails, she finally picked up the phone. I said, "so what is the best number for me to call?" She went bonkers. She screamed at me, "THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU!!!!"
I sat there, phone moved away from my ear, tears welling up in my eyes, wondering what in the world I'd done to make her so angry.
Those words banged around in my head for weeks. I kept thinking, "Well, actually it DOES revolve around me. In my world, I am the center of the Universe. That is as it should be." I was arguing my case, albeit in my head, because of the way her words had hurt my feelings. The little child inside had hands on hips, lips in a pout, stubbornly refusing to agree. I kept trying to figure out why she'd been so hateful. Or what I had done to upset her. Or a host of other stupid shit that could have set her off. Three days after that, she called and acted as if it had never happened.
Weird.
So then...while gathered together with some other folks who were visiting from faraway places, she said something that made the little light bulb in my head go on; she said, "I love my daughter more than I could ever express. But when she came back here to live with me, she drove me absolutely NUTS! I was on the edge the entire time. Wanted to choke her, or anybody else I could get my hands on."
And there it was. That night, when she screamed at me, was not about me. It was not about what I had done or said or not done. It was completely out of the realm of me. I knew this as completely as a person can know a thing; I felt it in my gut. And I smiled when I realized that those words from Don Miguel were absolutely right on.
Don't take anything personally.
....because most of the time, it really isn't about YOU. But I'm guessing the Ego just ain't gonna buy that part.
Whaddya think?
I remember the first time I read that one; I thought, "hmmmmm. That's gonna be tricky." Mostly, I think, it's because there is so much Ego involved. Know what I mean?
So it happened that one day, after trying to reach this certain someone after several phone calls and emails, she finally picked up the phone. I said, "so what is the best number for me to call?" She went bonkers. She screamed at me, "THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU!!!!"
I sat there, phone moved away from my ear, tears welling up in my eyes, wondering what in the world I'd done to make her so angry.
Those words banged around in my head for weeks. I kept thinking, "Well, actually it DOES revolve around me. In my world, I am the center of the Universe. That is as it should be." I was arguing my case, albeit in my head, because of the way her words had hurt my feelings. The little child inside had hands on hips, lips in a pout, stubbornly refusing to agree. I kept trying to figure out why she'd been so hateful. Or what I had done to upset her. Or a host of other stupid shit that could have set her off. Three days after that, she called and acted as if it had never happened.
Weird.
So then...while gathered together with some other folks who were visiting from faraway places, she said something that made the little light bulb in my head go on; she said, "I love my daughter more than I could ever express. But when she came back here to live with me, she drove me absolutely NUTS! I was on the edge the entire time. Wanted to choke her, or anybody else I could get my hands on."
And there it was. That night, when she screamed at me, was not about me. It was not about what I had done or said or not done. It was completely out of the realm of me. I knew this as completely as a person can know a thing; I felt it in my gut. And I smiled when I realized that those words from Don Miguel were absolutely right on.
Don't take anything personally.
....because most of the time, it really isn't about YOU. But I'm guessing the Ego just ain't gonna buy that part.
Whaddya think?
1 comment:
Yikes! I think I would have given as good as I got. Or hung up crying and "giving it to" the wall or my Sweetie.
I love that you were able to see through "her" stuff. Still seems like she could have reflected and apologized. Maybe that's still got ego in it.
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