it's been a year. she left to go romp in the clouds, free of pain & limitations. i knew it was time; had no doubts about doing it. still, here i am a year later & the tears still flow so easily. i miss her more than ever. thought i'd get on with it but it appears that her absence will always be too big for me to overlook. i miss her. i want her HERE. i want to hear her silly sassing & her big dawg bark. i want to see that smile she always had on her beautiful face.
thought i could make this a day of celebration. a day to honor her time here with me. a day to be grateful for having known her at all. turns out the tears just won't stop. it hurts as much as the pain in my bones. maybe it's this hurt that's causing the pain in my bones. don't know for sure.
what i DO know is that it doesn't matter how much time passes...i will always miss her. i will always want her here. i will love her forever & ever & ever. i pray that i will survive this day...& all the ones to come, without her. & i thank the gods that chella is here to keep me from drowning in all these tears.
i love you, raj.
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