Another Goodbye ~

It seems impossible to know he's gone. He was the most remarkable puppy I've ever had the privilege of knowing. He saved me on so many levels. He was joy, patience, intelligence, beauty. He loved me like no other and I cannot remember when I've ever loved anyone as much as I did him. He was my heart. And now he's gone. Gone to a place where rivers run heartily with beef consomme. Where every bush has cookies for fruit. Where there are no cars to be run over by, no humans to be hurt by, no pain, no sickness, no sadness. A place where, perhaps, he can still watch over me but not be touched by the hands that so loved touching him. His soft curly Being is now out of reach to my human senses. It hurts more than I can even begin to describe. Even though I know I did what was best for him. Even though I know he agreed. Still, I cannot wrap my brain around the fact that

he is gone.

I realize none of this is remotely joyful. There isn't anything I can say to make my Self even find a joyful thought. But perhaps, because I am not the only Human on the planet who feels so strongly about her Critters, perhaps the words I relay will help ... even if for a mere moment. Because when it comes to the loss of our beloved Furry Ones, there is nothing anyone can say or do that will take away the pain of that loss.

nothing.

I know this. I also know that there will come a day when I can look at his smiling face on the many pictures I have and not sob uncontrollably. I know I'll be able to think of him and giggle...because that was what he was all about. He loved to make me laugh. He had a godly sense of who I am...and he knew precisely what to do to bring me even higher on our joyous journey. With him, there were no bad days. Not even when pain wanted to keep me from getting out of bed. Not when I was angry or frustrated or scared. He knew all of me...and how to bring me back to Joy.

So the journey continues. For both of us. I must find a way to keep breathing. And eating. And walking out the door to lie in the grass and watch the hawks ride the currents. I must hold on to the thought that I will, one day, feel a little better. Until that day comes, I will cry and hurt and allow the grief to wash over me, over and over and over. Until...I am done. And then....

I will love again.

Farewell, my sweet Bruzer. Thank you for all the love and joy and amazing moments that made my life with you so unforgettable.

I love you more than I could ever say.

But then...you already know that, don't you?