Monday, May 23, 2011

evolution or delusion????

One of the very best things about personal evolution is that once you hit a certain "spot", all kinds of things get noticed. Little things, mostly. Things like teeny growths on massive trees. Or crazy-swooping barn swallows dive-bombing your bonehead neighbor who's trying to knock down their nest (that was hysterically funny. but I'm guessing not so him.). Or when you're having a walk and the only sounds you hear are the birds and the trees whispering in the wind.No cars or voices or other less-than-lovely sounds. Or how the puppy you're walking with is so entirely tuned in to you that your every move is noticed by him. Or when that eerie silence settles over the house, even though there are other people around.

Maybe it's because you become more acutely aware of your own Self. Or maybe it's because you stop paying attention to the crap that's crappy. Or maybe it's just a simple matter of focusing your attention where you want instead of letting stuff pull you all kinds of ways.

I don't know what the reasons are. I just know that as I continue on this path of Self Awareness, all manner of marvels pop up every single day.

I'm gonna say that again.

All manner of marvels pop up every single day.

Now, I suppose there will be those who would argue that I've gone over the edge. There might also be those who would say that I've not just gone over the edge, I've gone into a whole 'nother realm where it might be best if those guys in the white coats came and hauled my ass away. 'Course, I don't really give a rip what those folks say or think or talk about (in regard to me). What I do care about is that it seems like this place is about as close to a dream as I've ever come. Insofar as living day-to-day, that is.

Wait. That's not exactly what I mean.

.........{pause...I'm thinking.......}

..........{still thinking......}

......{hold yer horses, already! I'm working on it.......}

Let's try that again; it's like living in a dream you dreamed a million times...but knowing you're not dreaming.

Still not as clear as I'd like, but I'm having a bit o'trouble explaining the feeling. (Gee. Ya think?)

Maybe if I back up a little.

For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be calm. As in not a run-around-like-a-chicken-with-her-head-cut-off 24/7. Calm as in Yogi calm. Or right-after-really-good-sex calm. Or like the calm you feel on your third day of vacation in Maui. Calm.... like the Dali Lama.

It goes without saying that I've never had that kind of energy. I'm one of those lunatics that (used to) thrive on frenetic-ness (yea. I know. It's not really a word. Creative License and all that jazz.) I was one of those people who could sleep 4 hours a night and wake up fresh as a daisy. (exactly how fresh is a daisy??) People used to marvel at my seemingly endless stores of energy. I could work a double shift (restaurant/bar biz) and still have enough energy to go party for hours. I could out-last the best of 'em, and still look as if I'd slept for 12 hours.

Note the operative: "used to".

Lots of folks like to tell me that it's all got to do with "age". I say HOGWASH. I have an uncle who is approaching 80 (I kid you not!) and that man makes me tired just listening to what he did today. I swear to Bruzer! He is as tireless now as he was 40 years ago. So is his wife. So for those who talk about about how we "slow down" as we age, again I say HOGWASH.

Maybe I have good genes (not buying that either). Maybe I came here to Planet Earth with the intention of living as large a life as I could. Or maybe....just maybe... it took me this long to figure out that it isn't about time or genes or family tradition as much as it is about attitude.

From where I sit at the moment, I'm thinking attitude has everything to do with living well, living large and personal evolution.


I could just be delusional.

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