You know what's really weird? Watching things change even when you don't understand the 'why' of it. Especially when it happens quick. It's so weird that it makes me wonder just how much I limit myself with old beliefs and self-imposed limitations. For example:
I have a friend who is a Buddhist. For the past couple of years she's invited me to gatherings to go chant and learn about Buddhism to see if it might 'suit' me. I have resisted at every turn. One reason was that back a million years ago (when I was in my twenties) I had, in fact, gone to a Buddhist gathering to chant with a friend of mine. He was so certain that it would help me, he just kept nagging until I finally went. About half way through this chanting 'session', I thought I was going to lose my mind. The sound of those voices droning on and on was enough to make me want to scream. I kept thinking, 'why can't they add some melody to it? why does it have to be so monotone?' I just didn't get it.
Needless to say, that was my first and last visit to a Buddhist gathering. My friend was bummed, but he never said another word about it. To each his own.
Fast-forward to NOW. My friend has invited me each week, but never, ever pushed. She just kept sending the emails to notify me of when and where a gathering was taking place, and left it at that. At one point I did tell her that I appreciated her including me, but that I just didn't feel it was something I'd get into. She said that was perfectly okay. But that unless I was offended by her offerings, she'd just continue to let me know, in case I changed my mind. I knew her intentions were good, loving, helpful ones and told her that I didn't mind at all.
Then, a few days ago, something pretty icky was going on in my world. BIG icky. And the stress of it was making me pretty nutso. I kept trying to calm myself and do my own meditations, but nothing seemed to be helping. I left the house that afternoon to go get a bottle of wine. I figured that since nothing else was working and I'd literally reached a frenzied state, I would just have some vino and say 'screw it'. I'll deal with it tomorrow.
On my way home from the store, I found my truck taking me to her house. (We live very near to each other; one turn is the difference between the road home or the road to her house). As I was dreamily driving down her road, pretty much unaware that I was, I turned up to her driveway and realized that I'd gotten there without even knowing it. I caught myself giggling over it, but went to the door and rang the doorbell.
When she opened the door, I knew exactly why I was there. I felt this surge of calm wash over me. I felt huge love coming from her. And my heart rate immediately dropped down to normal. She didn't seem at all surprised to see me. It was very strange, but very cool too.
We went out to her beautiful back yard, with the stunning views and the quiet you can only find in rural settings. It was a magnificent afternoon; temps just perfect for sitting and visiting. Before long, we were chatting about my arrival and what had been going on. We talked for a long time about the nature of our spirits and how much our intuition leads us. We talked about all sorts of paths and beliefs and people who inspire us. And then, out of the blue, I said, 'ya know, I think I'd like to chant with you for a few minutes. Could we do that?'
The smile that slid across her face was indescribable. She said, 'well of course we can' and she commenced to tell me the mantra and then sit us comfortably right beside the pool. For the next 10 minutes, we chanted. And when we were done, I had goose bumps all over me. I felt calm and happy and strangely 'new' in my skin. Weird. Weird. Weird. When I was about to leave, she asked me if I'd like to go over the next morning and chant again for a little while. I said I would...and left for home.
The whole way home I kept hearing that sound in my head. And for the remainder of that day, and into the night, every time I felt the icky trying to come back, I'd stop and say the words. I said them over and over until the icky went away and I was breathing normally again.
The next morning, I honestly felt different. Hard to explain 'how' I felt different, but I did. So I went back over at the designated time, and we did it again. Spent another hour talking and then I went back home to do some work. Now, here's the weird part:
Part of the huge ickiness had to do with my house mate. He was in a huge snit because I'd pissed him off (all around some money crap) and was being very, very nasty toward me. Nasty to the point of verbally abusive. But when I got home after that second session, everything in the house had changed. EVERYTHING. The energy was completely devoid of malice. He was being more friendly than he's ever been in the year and a half I've been living here. And going out of his way to 'do' things to help around the house (which he rarely does). I mean, it was almost a Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde thing. WEIRD!
I don't know why, nor do I really care. All I know is, for whatever reason, the chanting had to have had something to do with it. My friend says it's about altering our own 'vibration', thereby altering everything around us. I can certainly buy that part. But this was such a drastic and noticeable change, it almost stunned me.