Is Sadness a Choice Too?

Seeing as how the name of this blog is JoyZAChoice, I am loathe to write things that are not of a Joyful nature. There's enough of that crap already, doncha think? Then...I remember that there are moments in our lives that Joy is simply not available. Times when a Sadness so large takes over every waking moment, no matter how hard we try to wiggle away. And as many tools as I possess in my Great Toolbox of Living, the one that I'd forgotten to stash was a box of Kleenex. You'd think Miss Home Depot woulda thought of that, wouldn't you?

Here's the thing:

If I've said it once, I've said it a million times:

Joy is a CHOICE.

So then, if Joy is indeed there for the choosing, would it then be logical to presume that Sadness is too? Would it not be a choice to stay in Sadness? If so, why do we choose such a wrenching emotion? Why do we wallow in such Sadness when we have all the tools to build our way to Joy?

I am asking this out loud because I'm working it out. I'm asking because it seems that I have some kind of need to be Sad. Like the Sadness is somehow keeping me close to Hiz Curly Highness. Or that if I let go of the Sadness, I will somehow blur the images that are still so clear in my mind. The images of his madly wagging nubbie first thing in the morning. Or his smiling face...so happy to just be with me. Or the way he would get so excited when I'd reach for my shoes because he knew we were on our way out the door to another adventure. That's how he was. Everything was an adventure. A joyous, grand experience about to unfold. His mellowness was only ever interrupted when we were about to leave the house. Even if it was just to go outside and play in the yard. He loved to romp. And his eagerness to romp made me stretch my Self...even when there was enormous physical pain. Didn't care. Just had to to out there and play with the Little Guy. It made me so happy that it literally erased the pain. Or, at least, made it so that it was merely an annoyance instead of some life-altering condition. Know what I mean?

So what if the grief is merely a longing for the person I was when he was here? What if the thing I am missing is my Self? The Self that was so much MORE when I was with him? What if...the reason it hurts so much is that part of me that is no longer here because he is not?

And then there's the whole "there is no death" thing.

I do not believe that any one of us ever really dies. I believe that we are Source Energy incarnate and that we live on and on, somewhere. I believe that when we leave this plane (Earth) and go wherever it is we go, we are still alive. And all of that is terrific...until I get to the part where I can't touch or hear or smell my Curly Highness. That's where I get stuck.

So...does this mean that my beliefs are ....flawed?

Or does it mean that I am using my Intellect rather than my Heart?

Gee. Aren't you glad you stopped by here today?

Another Goodbye ~

It seems impossible to know he's gone. He was the most remarkable puppy I've ever had the privilege of knowing. He saved me on so many levels. He was joy, patience, intelligence, beauty. He loved me like no other and I cannot remember when I've ever loved anyone as much as I did him. He was my heart. And now he's gone. Gone to a place where rivers run heartily with beef consomme. Where every bush has cookies for fruit. Where there are no cars to be run over by, no humans to be hurt by, no pain, no sickness, no sadness. A place where, perhaps, he can still watch over me but not be touched by the hands that so loved touching him. His soft curly Being is now out of reach to my human senses. It hurts more than I can even begin to describe. Even though I know I did what was best for him. Even though I know he agreed. Still, I cannot wrap my brain around the fact that

he is gone.

I realize none of this is remotely joyful. There isn't anything I can say to make my Self even find a joyful thought. But perhaps, because I am not the only Human on the planet who feels so strongly about her Critters, perhaps the words I relay will help ... even if for a mere moment. Because when it comes to the loss of our beloved Furry Ones, there is nothing anyone can say or do that will take away the pain of that loss.

nothing.

I know this. I also know that there will come a day when I can look at his smiling face on the many pictures I have and not sob uncontrollably. I know I'll be able to think of him and giggle...because that was what he was all about. He loved to make me laugh. He had a godly sense of who I am...and he knew precisely what to do to bring me even higher on our joyous journey. With him, there were no bad days. Not even when pain wanted to keep me from getting out of bed. Not when I was angry or frustrated or scared. He knew all of me...and how to bring me back to Joy.

So the journey continues. For both of us. I must find a way to keep breathing. And eating. And walking out the door to lie in the grass and watch the hawks ride the currents. I must hold on to the thought that I will, one day, feel a little better. Until that day comes, I will cry and hurt and allow the grief to wash over me, over and over and over. Until...I am done. And then....

I will love again.

Farewell, my sweet Bruzer. Thank you for all the love and joy and amazing moments that made my life with you so unforgettable.

I love you more than I could ever say.

But then...you already know that, don't you?

so....listen....

It is entirely possible that the 'reason' for my prolonged absences is as simple as the absence itself; namely, the slow, gradual, but quite steady return to Intuition. In light of this, and in addition to the far-too-many apologies (for my absence on this Blog), I have also come to realize that by apologizing, rather than owning the journey/transition/evolution, I have undermined, in a very large way, all those aforementioned possibilities (that would be "journey/transition/evolution"). Also...I have spent far too much time worrying over my beloved readers in lieu of my own evolution. NOT acceptable. NOT productive. And MOST CERTAINLY NOT beneficial to anyone, myself included.

Having said all that, I suppose it would be a good idea to go back to the beginning.

(A fun little "aside": In the movie "The Princess Bride", my very favorite character, Inigo Montoya, is found in great despair by his former friend, Fezzik. Inigo is quite drunk and seems to be completely incoherent when Fezzik finds him (to toss him into jail, as ordered by the evil Prince Humperdinck). When Inigo sees Fezzik, even in his drunken stupor, he says, "BACK TO THE BEGINNING. VIZZINI SAID TO GO BACK TO THE BEGINNING!" And so, the Gentle Giant that is Fezzik, helps his friend "go back to the beginning".  For those of you who've never seen this movie, I strongly urge you to take two hours...and watch it. It is one of the very best fairy tales of our time. I do not kid.) End of Aside.

Anywayz....

One of the wonderful things about making mindful choices is that one comes to see, a bit more clearly, just how much of an impact we can have on the world; that is, if we will first take care of ourselves. Having been a life-long "people-pleaser", it never occurred to me that I was really short-changing everyone by not first nourishing myself. How could I possibly give the best of me when the best of me wasn't available? How could I ever expect to share what I did not have? And most importantly, what would I do now to change what did not please me?

As my Odyssey continued, I began to see these questions in full view. I began to realize that by wanting so dearly to reach people, I was actually pushing them away. I also began to see that the whole Blog thing was as much about ego as it was about my desire to help. And let me tell you, Ego is one hell of a powerful force, especially when it is so clever at concealing itself.  I, like so many others, had managed to intellectualize myself right out of Intuition. When this particular realization came to light, I was as shocked as I was saddened. After all, it was I who wrote the book {"Whispers". WHAT? YOU MEAN YOU STILL HAVEN'T READ IT???} and I who insisted that Intuition was the quintessential road map to the Self.

Talk about a bummer.

But here's the thing. No matter who you are or where you are on your Path, the most important thing to note is that YOU and only you are in charge of walking that path, changing direction, stopping, slowing down, speeding up, or plain ol' rewriting the map. In other words: it is YOUR Odyssey so live it as you wish.

Let's back up for a second. Let us have a look at the word "odyssey", shall we? According to MW, an odyssey is "a long series of wanderings or adventures, especially when filled with notable experiences, hardships, etc."

I like the word, as it seems quite appropriate to what has been the last {nearly} six years of my Life. To describe it as "bad" or "hard" or "awful" would be an enormous mistake. {Although, if you were on the outside looking in, you might describe it as such...or worse. So would I have whence it first began. But things change. Praise AllahLaLaLa!} Because the truth is, had it not been for this "odyssey", I dare say I'd not have learnt what I have learnt or become who I am/have become. I'd likely have gone on in the numb, mindless way I had been living theretofore, and not been aware of all that I was missing. Worse, I might also have left the Planet far too early. Of course, we can't really say for sure about any of that. But that leads me right back to the Beginning: Intuition.

There will almost certainly be trials along the way. If you were to give that some thought, you might find that the trials are precisely what make the Path so interesting. That is, if you were mindful and calm enough to see the trials as just that and nothing more. Little bumps along the way. Little sign posts. Little blessings. Which leads us to yet another loveliness: Perspective.

Perspective is as powerful as gratitude. Perspective changes a nightmare into a dark dream that shows you to the light. Perspective can make all the Ick more bearable, more useful, more More. In fact, were you to tweak your Perspective to the Nth degree, you might just find yourself deleting the words "can't", "should", "sorry", "regretfully" (and a host of other words/emotions that really do not serve you) completely from your vocabulary. 'Course, you don't have to take my word for it. But it might be a fun little game you could play for a while. Change your Perspective and see what else changes.

To be sure, I am not the first person to come up with that one. The Wise Ones have been telling us this for eons. Problem is, most of us are either too engrossed in our mindless, soul-crushing ruts that we don't give a moment's notice, or we just don't give a rip anymore. This too is a very sad truth for so many beautiful souls. But time marches on...and so does our evolution, whether we like it or not. So...the trick then would be to ENJOY the process rather than drag our sad, sorry asses through it, kicking and screaming and wondering why "Life sucks".

Doncha think?

Alrighty then. I suppose here would be a good place to take a breath...and save some for another day.

Now it's your turn.

My Slice of the Apple

I realize there are likely some ninety gazillion blogs to date, but I'd venture that most of them aren't worth the time it takes for the page to open. I know. I know. How rude. Well...sometimes the truth is rude. Moving on...there is a new blog in town (or would that be "on planet"?) that is absolutely worth reading. And going back to. And no, I'm not talking about this one (which is also the aforementioned worthy thankyouverymuch). This new blog is called "My Slice of the Apple". The woman is a terrific writer with a great passion for her city. And food. And photography. And lots of other cool stuff too. Definitely worth a visit...or 10. You decide. But first, scoot on over and have a look/see. Tell her Camille sent ya.

My Slice of the Apple

P.S. Be sure to check out the piece about Max Brenner ~ Chocolate by the Bald Man! You'll be drooling before you hit mid-page!

Fearless

Share your love 

fearlessly. 

Do not think that by holding back you will spare 

your heart. 

That's not how love works. 

When you are loving,

love wholly. 

Else the only thing you are sparing is the love 

you receive. 

Why deny your Self the very thing that you

Are?

Thank you Chuck Lorre....

Chuck Lorre Productions, #400 ~ November 29, 2012

I've been told that if you change your mind, you change the world ~ or at least the way you experience it. Let's take a moment to examine that. The presumption is, if you thought the world was a hostile, ugly place, with awful people doing awful things, that is what you'd see. Your mind would naturally seek out confirmation for its preconceived ideas (e.g. if you're intent on buying a red car, as you go about your day you'll see lots of red cars). If, however, you were to sincerely change your mind and see that we are all God in drag, that we are the conscious aspects of a perfect universe which had to create us so we could bear witness and stand in awe before its loving magnificence, then that is the soul-shaking reality you'd be greeted with each and every moment of each and every day. In other words, it is entirely our choice as to what kind of world we live in. With a simple decision, we can suffer in the darkness or play in the light. We can be angry, frightened and enslaved, or loving, joyous and free.

I know. It's a toughie.

Until further notice...

CELEBRATE....every day.

So here's the song playing in my head today....

It's not a song you'd know. Because I wrote it. It's not a song you even need to know because...you get to write your own. No matter if you think you can or not. Because EVERYBODY has a song in their heart. EVERY SINGLE BODY.

Don't believe me?

Think about this:

You know how sometimes, in those moments when you are in complete and utter....peace? I know you've had them. Maybe you need to pause for a moment or five to remember. But I KNOW you've had them. We all have. Trouble is, sometimes we get so worked up over all the crapppppola that's going on that we bury that loveliness so deep...we can't remember. But I promise you,  if you will just take a moment or ten {Oh. See how that happens? First it was "a moment or five" and now it's a "moment or ten". Dang that pesky clicker!} Back to the promise...

I promise you...you have had those moments. And if you will take the time to remember how they felt, however dim and far away they may seem, you will find that song. The one that is yours. The one that makes you wanna jump out of your chair and do a little jig. The one that makes you grin like you were wantin' to light up the whole wide beautiful world. The one that stops your heart for just a second or two...and makes you wonder why it needs to beat.

THE SONG.

So then...

Until further notice...CELEBRATE EVERY DAY.

If you're willing to give it a go, you just might find a bucket load of miracles waiting for you.

And, as if I didn't need to say it. Again.

JOY is a CHOICE.

Got it?

Good.

On with it then.