Thursday, September 18, 2014

Warmly, Sincerely, Truly

My Dear and Beautiful Readers ~

As most of you {who come here with any frequency or for any duration} know, I am positively, absolutely, tenaciously, unwaveringly {Yes. It's a word. A 'real' word. And if that's not good enough for you...go see fer yerself.} committed to posting only those thoughts that add to your storage of Joyful tools. I do not, nor have I ever (as far as I can recall) written anything on this blog that would, in any way, undermine your Joy.

It is a mission.

I am committed.

And that is that.

Today, after a long sabbatical from this space, I realized just how much this summer has tested my resolve. It has been a less than stellar few months. But I shan't share any of that (please re-read first paragraph! If yer needin' to....) Instead, I will update on the current state of mood/emotion/general state of consciousness in an attempt to do what this blog has always done: enhance your day and clarify my own.

That's the beautiful thang about writing.
{for me, anyway...}

Firstly, I did  not intend the sabbatical. It happened organically, as most everything I do does. I simply refused to post unless I could contribute to the overall Joy of the Planet. Sometimes, that is a challenge. Other times it flows as freely as the air from my lungs. And still other is simply a need. Sometimes, on the very best of days, I must write.

Those days are my favorites.

Back to the thought....the organic sabbatical was, near as I can tell, a minute in my lifetime that needed to be taken. A minute that required my focus elsewhere. A minute that now, in hindsight, would ultimately benefit both you (dear reader) and me-self. I simply needed to be away so I could attend to the dreadful, ridiculousness that is the American bureaucracy. Not my cup of tea, for sure. But in a world where that system still has power over those without the means to bypass said system, a necessity. Yes, it sucks. But then...what doesn't suck about bureaucracies? In any case...I thought it better to forgo the details and get to the matter at hand. Painful? Yes indeedy. Worth the trouble? Jury is still out on that one. But in the end, I know that I would have felt horrible had I attempted to fake my way through that shit and try to fool you into believing that everything was all homegrown tomatoes and dark chocolate.

Never been good at faking. Anything. I have been told that I'm the worst liar in the world. I take that as a high compliment.

Moving on...

While I was away, I struggled a bit with my self-imposed "duties". I take this blog thing pretty seriously. I know there are people out there who actually look for these posts. I know this because they've told me as much. In other words, what I say here matters to some folks. Being the recovering Catholic that I am, and even though I have done a fairly good job at relinquishing those useless guilt trips, some dregs remain. Working on those. Still. In the interim, though, I do my very best to put my intentions before any remnants of Catholic guilt and stay as true to Me as is possible. I do not, nor have I ever, believed in a God that wants us to suffer. Save it for the Vatican. I'm not buyin' it. Recovering Catholic or not, writing just to write so that Google will identify and move me up the ladder is not a reason to post. I refuse to submit to such tyranny. Also, I have found that the steps needed to make one's self "popular" on the Net are steps that I simply will not take.

That's a whole 'nother story. {Again, I shall spare you.}

{Gee. What a great gal!}

Today was one of those days when things got all crystal clear and that HALLELUJAH thang rang in my head. It was, for lack of a better word, cathartic. Somehow, even through the minutiae that is the American Health System, I found a way to see the Rainbow. I found a way to ignore the idiocy of what we so sadly accept as our health care standards and find what was there to be had. That is: THEY are not in charge of our wellness.

That is up to us.

Short of a dissertation on the matter, I will say this...and then let it be:

No one. NO ONE is responsible for how you feel. NO. ONE.  The only person who can change the pain or the imbalance or the psychological fuck of your present state is ... {oh...doncha just know what's coming?} YOU. It's a mighty responsibility. It's the denial of the buck you so want to pass. It is, in all it's formidable power, the only thing that will save you from the depths of despair upon which any of us may have teetered. STOP blaming the doctors and the red tape and the financial deficiencies. STOP looking for ways to side step the onus. STOP all the nonsense that you create in your own terror. It is not up to them. It is not about them. Somehow, some way, whatever it is that seems so horrific at this moment is a thing that you have created because it serves you. If you don't know why or how, that matters not. If it did not serve you, it would not be. {Kinda tosses all the "woe is me" shit right out the window, huh?) It is not about blame...even on your own Self. It is simply a means for you to evolve. To find your way to the You that you already are. It is .... your Truth. It's waiting for you. It is not here to destroy you. It is not a test. Or a punishment. It is, simply, YOUR EVOLUTION.

As much as I hate the idea that I'm responsible for what's going on here, I also find some weird sense of...empowerment. Because, even though I don't know why in the world I would do this to myself, I trust that there is a reason. In that, I find great comfort. And empowerment. And even...a sense of Joy. Simply because I know that I get to choose.

And that is all I have to say about that.

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