write it down, give it up

exercise for the day:

gonna just write it all down.
all the stuff i need to come.
gonna write it down, and then give it up.
as in
STOP thinking about it.

it is said that you need only ask ONCE
from there on out,
you just say "thank you"
that's it.

so, today, that's what i'm gonna do.
just say thank you.
i've already asked.
no need to ask again, right?
all day long,
all day long,
thank you.

arms wide open

the whole trust thing...man! ya keep showin' up for your life. you do your work. you take care of your self. the meditations and exercise, good food, little acts of kindness every day. smiles to strangers. forgiveness. laughter. givin' your all for the greater good. the whole she-bang. so where's the dang flow? how come it's not here? the first of the month...again..and GEEZ...where's the freakin' rent? i swear, sometimes it's enough to make a person crazy.

got up this morning and was all stiff and icky. lots of "ouch". still, just couldn't see how it was gonna do me any good to dwell. so i thought, "ya know, you just gotta be persistent. quit worryin', ya knucklehead. it's gonna show up. it's gonna show up."

off to the kitchen and some coffee. looked outside and saw a red tailed hawk doing her dance in the sky. sailing around on the currents, like poetry in motion. dawgs all happy to see me. cat doin' her chatty thing she does, following me around the kitchen, just talkin' away. silly girl. love that kitty. love those dawgs. love the view...and the hawks and the wind and all the pretty flowers.

got to thinking about that word: flowers. it struck me that if you hyphenate it..."flow-ers"....that's EXACTLY what they are. stunning, breath-taking FLOW-ERS of Life. how cool is that? (yea. my brain does weird stuff like that). anyway, the more i thought about that, and how i'm always bringing them inside and putting them all over my house...so i can see them and smell them and touch them...well, the flow-ers just make me happy to be alive. marvelous reminders of just how easy it's supposed to be. just flow, camille. just flow.

didn't take long before i was back to all that groovy stuff. just lookin' around at all that i DO have...and all the beauty that is my world. how can ya be so short-sighted? what's the deal? just flow, you beautiful little imp. doesn't it always take care of itself? the flow-ers don't 'worry'. neither do the critters. worry? why? it sho' don't fix things, ya know?

so now...i'm gonna hold on to that. gonna keep my arms wide open. gonna trust. cuz i have to believe that it's all okay. it's all gonna work out. it's all for some grand purpose i have no clue about. who knows? maybe, just maybe, it's so i remember just how much i matter. (thanks, terri!) i matter to all those critters and to the people who love me and to the world that hasn't even 'met' me yet. cuz one of these days, all this is gonna be a 'memory'...and i'm gonna be doing for others what others do for me. hey! wait. i'm doing that NOW!

haaaaaaaaaaa! life is a TRIP!

a surge of inspiration

Well, I dunno know about you, but it seems to me that the Universe sure does know how to get ya all fired up. Got this email today from Daily Good. They send all kinds of super-cool articles about folks who do stuff to make the world a better place. This one, however, really knocked my socks off. (you can see it here)

I had to look at the pics several times, mostly cuz my eyes weren't quite registering what they were seeing. So why does my mind think it's not true? Or possible? Cuz we have all this conditioning that tells us otherwise, that's why. Sure, I SAY I don't buy the age thing...but when I saw these pictures, and read about this woman, I realized just how much I still have some of that 'resistance' goin' on. Wake up call, to be sure.

I told ya not long ago that I'd started practicing Qi Gong. In the short time I've been doing this, I can definitely feel the difference. I'm talking BIG TIME changes. One of the benefits of Qi Gong is that it DOES keep the body 'young'. It's all the breathing and flowing movements, along with that peaceful state you're brought to when performing the movements. Makes perfect sense. Yoga, it appears, has many of the same benefits. Difference is, in yoga, you hold poses. In Qi Gong, you flow movements. Just depends on what floats your boat, I suppose. For me, the Qi Gong is more suitable. Not that I have anything against yoga, cuz I certainly don't. But after having tried both, I prefer the Qi Gong.

Anyway, I'm guessing it doesn't matter which one you choose. The one that feels best to you is the one that will benefit most. But to see this woman in these poses...well, I gotta tell ya...it put the biggest grin on my face. Now THAT is what ageless means! I'm all fired up...and gonna go do some more Qi Gong now. Cuz this lady's got 30 years on me...and I can't (yet!) do what she's doing with her body.

WOWZA!

whut the #!*?%&!

it's MONDAY? again? GEEZ! i'm tellin' ya, there's some kinda weird time shift thang goin' on in my world, cuz it seems to me that it was just tuesday. can't be. it's monday again. huh?

i realized i hadn't written anything here since last wednesday, and had no clue about that time lapse. i've been so busy doing so many fun, productive, creative things AND lots of gardening to boot, it all just flew by and i didn't see it. i mean, the part about not writing on my blog. well, that's not entirely true, cuz i have been writing on my other blog. and my eZine sites, and a bunch of other stuff too. just neglected this one. oooops. hate it when i do that.

so, here i am....and monday is coming to a close too. it's almost dinner time...and i feel like i've only been up for a few hours. (nope. wrong again. i woke up at 6:30 a.m....nearly 12 hours ago!) got a bunch of stuff sitting on my desk, screaming for me to do this or that. all good stuff. all exciting stuff. all stuff i have to 'expand' what i'm creating in my world. and i don't want the day to end. i want there to be another shift. maybe if i just stop sleeping? nahhhhh. bad idea. i like sleeping. besides, i get all sorts of cool stuff from sleeping too. more ideas.

geez.

guess i'm just rambling here...with no apparent direction...just needin' to cut loose some dust. hoping the world has found some joy today...every one...in some lovely way. seeds. little seeds of joy.

the flowers are bloomin'!

the love chain

okay. this one's gonna be a bit 'unusual'. but it's just gotta be done! for those of you who don't already know the terrific terri st. cloud, (see bonesigharts), you've likely heard/read me speak of her before. she's got a heart the size of the grand canyon...and is ALWAYS helping others. an endless fountain of goodness, she is!

well, today i got a note about a note she got...with an idea to help one of terri's friends along on her journey with chemo. being someone who loathes the mere idea of such drugs, i instantly reacted to this note. and then...i got off my ass and decided to do something to help too. so...the note is below. i'm asking YOU to read it and, if you will prettypleez, shoot terri an email (it's in the note) to offer up YOUR thought/prayer/giggle for janene. it's that simple. read. email a thought. say a prayer. the end! so...here goes:

i got this note today from an incredible young woman.
i LOVE the idea!!! i'm gonna clip her note as she explains it perfectly!
THEN if you guys want to play....how about you email any notes my way?
and pass my email addy to your friends who would play. then i'll copy them
and make a chain for janene!!! janene is my sister in law who is going thru
chemo right now for TWO rare forms of ovarian cancer. she could really
use this!!!

ready??
..............
was thinking about your friend yesterday..... and I had a thought.... when my best friend's mother was going through her chemo/radiation treatments, one of her friends started creating "links of love" for her. She had a whole bunch of her friends take these strips of paper and write messages on them- prayers, quotes, thinking of you's, little funnies, etc. And then her friends had their friends write them. And then their friends had their friends do it... and so on and so on. Then she took the papers and formed them into a chain-- like the ones kids make at Christmas time. Then everytime someone sent a new link, they just added it to the chain, to the point where it eventually got so long it circled the room twice. She said it really lifted her mom's spirits that so many people were thinking of her, even people she'd never even met.

Getting to my point. I don't know if something like that would help your friend or not. Or if it would even be something she'd be comfortable with. Our prayer group here at work has made links for a few other people over the years, and I know they would do it for your friend in a heartbeat. And judging from all the comments your friends left on your facebook status yesterday, I'm sure there'd be a whole lot of links flowing in from all kinds of places.
............
use the following email if you're interested!!! terri@bonesigharts.com
spread the word!!!!!! just think of the chain we could make!!!!!!!!
thanks melissa for this awesome idea!!!

terri

mother's love

Our lovely Mother...with her rolling hills and her grand oceans. Her heart beats the Life Force, providing all we need and so much more. She is unselfish, unwavering, so full of Love. Yet, for many, she is nothing more than dirt. How can it be that they don't see? How can it be that they don't care? It makes my heart ache to watch as they take and take and take..with no regard for Her.

Today, and every day hereafter, it is my deepest wish that we find a way to remember, and honor, and keep her in Love. To marvel at the many gifts she provides. To enjoy the splendor of her beauty.

The flowers
and the trees.

The critters
and the birds.

The clouds that bring the rains.

The snow that paints the mountains.

The bees that drink her nectar.

The rivers that flow with good.

There is so much to be grateful for. She gives without asking. Can we do the same for her? Can we show her Love? Can we open our hearts and nurture her, as she does us? Yes. Yes we can. The question is...

WILL WE?

Honor your Mother! Without her, we are doomed.

tuning in

I'm not sure why it still surprises me, but it does. The moment I "let go" of something, everything falls into place pretty as you please. And it really doesn't matter how "big" or "small" a thing it is. It works the same way. Every time. No exceptions.

So, when I got a card in the mail from my cousin, my heart skipped a beat. There, in the envelope, was a gift that knocked my socks off. I was so surprised, so overwhelmed with gratitude, so utterly touched, I just sat there, stunned. WOW! How could she have known? It's not like we speak very often. Or even see each other. She lives on the "other" coast; last time I saw her was 6 years ago. And, although we do speak on occasion, it isn't very often. So her gift was such a surprise because it was the PERFECT gift for me right now. WOW (again!)

A very similar thing happened again yesterday. Right about the time I thought I was going to suffocate, I got a phone call. WHAMMO! Just like that, the whole of my body filled with joyful air...and I was floating like a feather. All on account of someone who 'tuned in' to where I was and just so happened to be "inspired" to call me at that moment. HUH????

All I'm sayin' is...the moment I let go of crap, is the moment everything shows up. Things can change in an instant. The only thing I have to do is just let go. Just let go. Just let go. Sounds simple enough...and for the life of me I don't know why I still fight that sometimes. (although, I am getting better at it....finally!). So, today, my mantra is just that simple:

JUST LET GO.

giggle.

giggle.

giggle.

BOYHOWDY! Life sho' is grand!!!

if you look...

Naysayers abound. Not surprisingly, most folks are as skeptical as Scrooge on Christmas Eve. Can't say I blame them. I used to be one of 'em. Not so much now. Correction. Not at all now. Because I've been paying attention. And I'm certain that magick happens. I see it every day. Why? I'm looking.

I'm gonna skip all the malarkey about 'the state of the world economy' and all the rest of that crapola. We've all heard it, continue to hear it (if we're listening for it, that is) and it takes a pretty focused effort to NOT hear it. So, I'm skipping that part. The part that begs attention, however, is the presence of said magick. Like...how much of it prevails in what may be considered one of the 'toughest' times in our evolution. For example...

I've been wanting to learn Qi Gong. Since the first time I saw someone practicing this beautifully flowing art, I've wanted to learn. But it was one of those things that wasn't 'at the top of my priorities'. Translation: didn't really have the funds to do it. That is, until I realized that it was precisely because I hadn't made it a priority that I was keeping it at bay. Once I saw this, I took action. Wrote a letter. Asked. Sent the letter with anticipation and a knowing that my request would be honored. Guess what...it was. Yep. Just like that. I asked, and I got what I asked for. In less that 3 days, the DVD I'd asked for showed up. Imagine that.

Same thing with the hair cut I wanted. It was time. Bangs all overgrown and hanging in my eyes...driving me cuckoo. I'd promised the lovely gal who cuts my hair that I would NOT cut them myself. She assured me that I could have them trimmed any ol' time I wanted FOR FREE. But, I wanted the whole she-bang, not just my bangs trimmed. So, I waited. Kept saying, 'the money will show up. be patient.' Next thing I know, someone gives me a Gift Certificate to the place where my gal works. For my birthday. Outta the blue. There it was. My haircut!

Now, you may think these are 'trivial' things. I don't. I think they're utter proof that when we ask, it is given. As small as it may seem to some, these kinds of 'luxuries' are not small to me. They're the sprinkles on the icing on the cake. And I love sprinkles! So, when I opened that birthday card and saw the Gift Certificate, I got goosebumps all up and down my spine. Cuz just that morning I'd said a silent 'thank you' for the haircut I knew was coming. Magick. Pure, spine tingling, life affirming MAGICK.

So don't give up your dreams. Small or large, it takes very little for them to come 'true'. The Universe can make it happen. The Universe knows 'how'. All you gotta do is ask...and then, every time you think about it again, say 'thanks'. KNOW it's coming. Don't fret. Don't doubt. Don't even consider that it's 'too big'. Cuz there ain't no such thing as "too big" when it comes to the power of All That Is. When someone asks (as they often do) "how come it's not working????", I always say, "ahhh. but it IS working. You're just not seeing it yet. You're still looking up a dark tunnel instead of down that flowing stream. Turn around. Let go of the oars (your struggle) and keep your eyes open. You ARE going to see all that magick come flyin' in. It just happens like that. Yes...

Magick happens.

happy birthday to meeeeeeeeee

on this day, not so long ago, my beautiful mama brought me into the world. today, i send HER my deepest thanks...for her labor, for her devotion, for her unending love. oh, mom...i do love you so!

happy birthday to meeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
(that is one chubby cherub! yea. i was quite the little porker, oh so i've heard. funny, funny face.)

coming to terms

i've heard that disappointment is a direct result of expectation. no expectation, no disappointment. so where do ya draw the line? is it unreasonable to 'expect' a friend to honor their word? is it not important if they don't? how do ya know when that feeling of disappointment is really just your own reflection? something about yourself that you see in that person, and don't much care for. how do you know?

i guess i contemplate this now because there was a time when i was guilty as charged. i'd say i was gonna do something or be somewhere or send something in the mail, and then i'd blow it off. sometimes, back when i was in my 20s & 30s, i'd completely deny my own shit. and sometimes, i'd flat out lie about it. that was then. this is now. i worked on that 'character flaw' for a long time, because i really wanted to take responsibility for my actions. i really did want to be a better person, a better friend, a better human being. and i'm pretty sure i've done that. maybe i'm fooling myself, but it seems to me that my word has become one of the most important things in my interactions with people. i'm not saying i don't change my mind sometimes. cuz i do. but when i do, i always let whoever it is (that will be affected by my choice) know. i call 'em up and say, 'listen. i've decided that i'm not up for it right now.' or something to that effect. so, why does it bother me so much now? how come i get all bummed out when someone i know and trust doesn't do what they say? is it dregs of the 'me' i used to be? or maybe there's still a part of me that does it and i'm in denial.

i don't really know. what i do know is that it does bum me out. i makes me feel like nothing is sacred. and like i don't count. yea. i know that's dumb. and childish. and completely over-dramatic. but still...that's how it feels. so, it's kinda back to the beginning. i know i get to choose how i feel about everything. and this is no exception. i get to choose whether or not it makes me feel badly or to just chalk it up to someone just being who they are in this moment, and trusting that they're doing the best they can, regardless of what they may have said.

tough call either way. guess i'll go watch a happy movie or read a book and let it just simmer for a while. maybe later i'll be able to see it from a different perspective. cuz, after all, isn't it me who's always saying "change your view"?

ha. what a dope.

crazy cool

Got to go to a gathering over the weekend, just for all the Aries babies. My friend, Amalya, has this amazing studio, where she holds all sorts of cool gatherings. This one was just for us. She and I share the same birthday, one year apart, so it was even more special for me. There were about 15 ladies there, some of whom were Aries girls, others who came to honor us. Everyone brought singing bowls and rattles and various other 'noise makers'. We sat on cushions in a circle and made the most beautiful music together. It was fascinating to hear the sounds all merge and mingle. Cool stuff indeed.

After the music, we had some yummy snacks and mingled, some of us meeting for the first time. During all this, a woman named Jannine had a table set up in a corner, where she was giving astrological readings for all the birthday girls. When it came my turn, I sat, not knowing exactly what to expect, but fully open to whatever I might 'see'. It was CRAZY COOL! I don't know a whole lot about astrology, but I do find it quite fascinating every time I'm exposed to more. It's uncanny how accurate that stuff is!

She gave me a sac filled with beautiful ceramic tiles, on which were carved the various signs, along with 'nature' symbols. She told me to choose 4 and hold them in my right hand. She then asked me to focus on a question I might like to ask the Universe. Then she said to hold my hand over the center of a sort of 'map' and drop the tiles. From there, she asked me to point out each tile, one at a time, so she could read their message.

I gotta tell ya. It was the most awesome thing! Every single 'message' was so appropriate...and incredibly apt to my question. It gave me goose bumps each time she explained the tile, telling me of it's urgings and my 'upward spiral' on this path I've chosen. Yep. CRAZY COOL.

So, since then I've been re-reading the messages each morning. It's pretty astonishing just how clearly the Universe speaks when we listen. Even more so when one considers the harmony of it all. I think it's one of the coolest gifts I've ever received. And I'm gonna hold it close, now and into the days to come. Cuz, even if I don't 'know' about astrology, I DO know that the planets affect...in so many ways. And who am I to argue?

practice

I'm wonderin' why I think some things don't 'deserve' practice, while other stuff does. Like, when I was first learning how to play guitar, I practiced all the time. My boyfriend at the time was this killer jazz guitarist who insisted I practice til my fingers bled. Really. He was pretty merciless about it. Said that the only way I was going to grow callous on my fingers was to just work thru it. I believed him. So I did. Didn't take long before those callouses were tough enough for me to practice for hours. And practice I did. Every single day. Pretty soon, I was zippin' along the fret board, doing my scales like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Then there was the time I decided I wanted to 're-learn' Italian. I was finally going to Italy, and I wanted dearly to speak the language when I arrived. I'd spoken as a child, when my grandpa was still alive, but after he passed, my dad insisted we speak English only. Sad, but true. Some 35 years later, I realized that if I'd spoken it before, it must still be logged in my brain somewhere. So I got some tapes and rented a bunch of movies and practiced. Every single day. In less than 6 months, I was speaking well enough to make my way thru Italy without using English. Practice.

Now, with all the other things I want to do, like meditating and visualizing, how come I think I don't have to practice those too? How come I think I'm just supposed to 'go there' instantly? These things take practice. 'specially when you're a little jitterbug like me. Sitting still does not come naturally to me. Mom used to say I had ants in my pants. (giggle) A perfect analogy. But it's true. So the meditating thing is as much a discipline as working out with weights. Every day, without fail, just do it! And now that I am, I'm finding all sorts of things are beginning to happen. I can actually diminish pain and stop my brain and 'see' things. Just cuz I'm practicing. Go figure.

In the end, I guess it's the same as with writing. I love to write, so it's not 'work' at all. And if a day goes by when I haven't written, I can 'feel' it. I have an ache for it. Does this mean I don't have to practice writing too? Nope. Cuz, like any craft, the more you do it, the more you hone. I don't know if anyone else thinks my writing is better now than a year ago. But I sure do. When I read stuff I wrote before and then the stuff I'm writing now, I can see a 'style' emerging. I can see the differences. I can see how much more fluid the thoughts are, at least to me. And, more and more, I'm seeing that all the things I practice are the things that really do matter most. So maybe I need to find another word. 'Practice' isn't quite it. Maybe, instead, I could use 'pamper'. Cuz really? All the things I want to be better at, are things that I love doing. They bring me joy. So, doing them repetitiously is kinda the same as pampering ME. Yea. That's it. Pamper. Today, I'm gonna pamper me. Just cuz I can.

simplify

10 principles ~

1. have a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing

2. ya can't give away what you don't have

3. there are no justified resentments

4. don't die with your music still in you

5. embrace silence

6. give up your personal history

7. you can't solve a problem with the same mind that created it

8. treat yourself as if you already are what you'd like to become

9. treasure your divinity

10. wisdom is avoiding all thoughts that weaken you

quit your whining

Just read a little piece about 'complaining'. Thought it might be a good time to serve up some seeds...for another day in paradise. I'm thinkin' that the antidote to complaining is gratitude. I use it all the time. The moment I even begin to think about whining (which I absolutely loathe), I stop dead in my tracks and take a breath. The next thought that comes to mind is, "Girlie, you have soooooo much to be grateful for. Quit your whinin' and just say thanks." Works every time. Cuz the way I see it, things could be wayyyyyy worse. I mean, I live in this incredible place with all kinds of beauty around me, I have a fabulous bed with soft cotton linens that I can wash any time I want. I have food in my cupboards and clothes on my back (with plenty more in my closets), I have loads of people who love me, and make me laugh and are always here for me when I need 'em. I have running water (both hot and cold!) and all the technological stuff like a computer and a TV and a stereo, etc., I have treasures EVERYWHERE around me...crystals and plants and pictures and stuff to remind me of my wonderful life. I have a terrific little purple truck that carries me wherever I want to go. I have skilled hands and a brain that works. I have books and music and wind chimes and electricity and heat and fans and musical instruments and friends and.......

Well, you get the point. I have a LOT. Most of us do. Trouble comes when we start thinkin' about what we DON'T have. NOT a good place to go. I mean, it's great to want more. I'm all for more. But wanting more doesn't mean we have to dis' what we already have. Or ignore it. Or not appreciate it. You can want all the 'more' in the world, so long as you're appreciating what you've already got. Know what I mean?

Think about this: right now, somewhere on the planet, there are kids, and old folks, and people in general who haven't eaten today. Or had a bath in weeks. Or don't even know what a computer is, let alone have one. There are kids right here in the good ol' U.S. of A who haven't seen their mothers in days cuz they're out getting high somewhere and forgot they have kids. There are women who can't leave their homes for fear of brutal attacks. There are elderly citizens who are eating dog food cuz they don't have enough money to buy people food. There's so much SHIT goin' on out there...and I'm SOOOOOOO not one to dwell on such things...but it doesn't mean I don't know. It doesn't mean that because I choose not to dwell that I don't send out prayers for them. And, in the end, it's because I do know that I cannot abide whining. It just ain't right.

We all have tons to be grateful for. Regardless of what's going on economically, we still have no room to complain. So the next time you hear yourself whining, go grab some cheese to go with it. As Larry Winget says:

"Quit your whining, shut up and get a life."

Maybe not the most eloquent of messages, but it sure hits the spot.

(By the way, if you've never heard of him, he's hilariously brilliant. I had the great opportunity to see him live once...and I roared the entire time he spoke. The guy was about as down-home as they come...and remarkably on point. Very funny stuff.)

so you think it's nonsense

I know there are plenty of folks out there who don't believe in the Universal Laws. Many call it a bunch of "mumbo jumbo" hype ever since "The Secret" was released. Small wonder. So many others have latched on to the coat tails of those who produced the film, in an attempt to make their own fortunes with programs, home based businesses, etc. Can you blame them? It's all the rage and everyone wants a piece of the pie.

But don't let the hype fool you. Even if you don't believe such Laws exist, doesn't mean they're not working. Doesn't mean they're not an active part of your life. Kinda like gravity. You don't even have to think about whether or not it 'works'. It just does. I find it oh-so-amusing that people (gazillions of them) believe that a man named Jesus died on a cross to pay for our 'sins' and then rose from the dead. Yet those same people refuse to even consider whether or not the energies we expel return to us. Case in point: I once sent a book to my aunt, who proclaims herself to be "born again", about the teachings of Paramahansa Yogananda. If you're not familiar with him, he was the fellow who, back in the early 20th century, actively began to integrate Eastern and Western philosophies. He started what is now known as the Self Realization Fellowship. Brilliant man with beautiful visions for humanity. He did not ever attempt to dissuade people from their Christian teachings, or any other teachings for that matter. He merely presented the idea that we could use them all. ALL of the religious teachings were/are valid since there is only one god. How one chooses to honor that god is up to them. He was a man way ahead of his time. A man filled with god-love and love for all living things.

So I sent her this book, so she might see that although I don't follow her tenets, I am certainly not at the mercy of the "devil". (She fears for my soul, since I have not "accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior"). The moment the book arrived in the mail, she opened it, probably read the preface and immediately returned it to me, saying that she just could not read "such things".

HUH?

Well, being as I am, I realized instantly that my 'pushing' her to read it, or even arguing the point, would be the same as her insisting that I accept J.C. in the manner which she's been taught. So I dropped it. I thought, "well, whatever makes her happy is all that matters. Live and let live."

The reason I bring this up is because I happen to live with someone who also 'poo-poos' the whole idea that there are Universal Laws at work and they affect every part of our lives. He thinks it's all a bunch of phooey, without a stitch of merit. Okay. So? So...because of his own beliefs (or rather, lack thereof) he continues to spiral into the abyss, without an iota of accountability. He blames everyone and everything for his current circumstances, never for one moment considering that HE is the one who has created his reality. The saddest part of this is that, given his passive-aggressive tendencies, he attacks anyone who challenges him in any way, size, shape or form. Guess who gets the brunt of that crap. Yep. That would be me. Only because I live here and I'm the only person he has any contact with most days. Well, it's really not that difficult to manage, most days anyway. Because I see it and I know he just can't (or rather, won't) help it. So I let it go. Mostly.

Sometimes, however, he gets a little nasty. When he does, I usually zip my lip and paste a little smirk on my face so as to not engage. (my own egotistic self-defense mechanism...yes, I know). This, of course, infuriates him which then prompts more nastiness. Ultimately, what usually happens is I walk away, let it sit for a while, and then go back to tell him how sorry I am for upsetting him. This, in itself, is nothing short of miraculous, given the 'warrior' I used to be. To apologize for something, even if I'm not "wrong", is not something that comes naturally. But I do it because I know he's in pain and the only way he's going to get himself out of the snit is to acknowledge his worth. Is this my job? Nope. But it is my job to be as kind as I'm able...and that's what I try do when he goes there. Especially if it was me who prompted the exchange. In short, I take responsibility for my part, however small it may be.

Just a few days ago, one such exchange occurred. He immediately began attacking me (verbally) because he felt threatened by something I'd said. As soon as I walked away, I came up to my office and grabbed my journal. Rather than writing about the exchange, I began to list all the things he does that I truly appreciate. One of those things is that he takes the dogs (his and mine) to the dog park every day. The joy these critters display as they're getting ready to leave, along with the joy it seems to bring him, is really something to behold. It just tickles me to the bone. So, I sat down to write about this, instead of the other ickiness that had just happened. Right about the time I was finishing that entry, the phone rang. It was one of my dearest 'sisters' calling to tell me about a CD she wanted very much for me to have. She wasn't sure how to send the files from her computer and asked how it was done. Before we got to the instructional part, she began to tell me about the music. As it turned out, I already had the CD. I'd burned it before she left for Ohio some years back. She hadn't remembered that, and when I told her she started laughing like crazy. We both did. We laughed and giggled and she started doing her imitation of one of her favorite musicals. We laughed some more. In the end, both of us were filled with huge appreciation, one for the other, so that the energy of it could literally be 'seen'. It was the coolest thing.

I hung up the phone and sat there for a while, basking in the feeling of appreciation. My whole body was tingling and I was still laughing out loud. A few minutes later I realized what had transpired. In my sitting down to write words of appreciation for my life, I had summoned more. And then more came. Even after we hung up, that feeling grew. The more I allowed myself to stay there, the bigger it got. Within an hour, I was calling her again, to share even more of what had happened after the last call. And it grew more!

Now today, hours after that happened, I'm still basking. I'm still able to conjure those feelings of appreciation and feel the tingles run through my body. And the more I am aware of just how easily I can do this, the more 'proof' I have that these Universal Laws are, indeed, at work all the time.

You don't have to believe it. You don't even have to 'try' to manipulate it. But if your life isn't 'working' and all else has failed, what would be the harm in giving it a look? Cuz, as always, it's your choice. You can choose to be as happy or miserable as you like. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. But if it is, then it's up to you to do something about it. (or not...if you happen to enjoy staying in that icky place).

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

all it takes is a minute

i've said it before and i'll say it again
nothin' beats just gettin' outside.
nothin'
if you're in a funk
or you can't seem to find your brilliant, creative self
or you wanna choke your computer
or whatever.

just get up
and go outside
all it takes is a minute
whether it's cold and raining
or windy
or snowing
or hot
or freezin' ass cold...
i'm tellin' ya...
go outside and just be with mother for a while.
and even if you tell yourself
'just for a minute'
the moment you get out there and feel the wind
or the sun
or the rain
on your face....
BAM!
everything changes.

all it takes
is a minute.

yea.
gotta love that.

another blast from the past

Man! Ya just never know who's going to show up when you least expect them. It's a mind-blower, to be sure. Just when you think you've let 'em go, BAM! They show up, outta the blue. It's crazy I tell ya. CRAZY!

Facebook has certainly become all the rage, it seems. And while I do enjoy an occasional glimpse, I'm not one of those who must check in every day. Mostly I go there when I get an email telling me someone's done something on my Wall. It's fun, but certainly not an obsession. Well, yesterday while I was going to read an email sent, I found one of those 'friend suggestion' thingies, from my hometown sleuth who happens to be the gal who has made it her mission to find everyone from 'back in the day' and hook us all up. Fact is, she was always that gal, always ready to organize a bash or help people 'make up' when spats arose. A sweet, kind and very caring lady, who remains this way, even more so. Anyway, I see this 'suggestion' and look to find the younger sister of one of my very favorite people from way back then. He was my "brother"; the one I met in 5th grade and stayed close to all the way through High School. He looked out for me, and I him. Truth be told, I had a huge crush on him, but ours was a friendship that didn't include 'romantic' involvement. Not that I wouldn't have loved it, but that's the way it was and I always held him close in my heart. So, there's his "little sis" on FB, all grown up and gorgeous. I sat there in disbelief. I'd resigned myself to never finding her brother or hearing from him again, so to see her pretty face smiling back at me...well, "excited" isn't even close. I 'bout lost my mind!

I sent her a message right away, saying how good it was to 'see' her and sending hugs. I didn't mention her brother, as I knew it wasn't necessary. If she knew where he was, I had no doubt she'd tell him about it. This happened around 4PM. An hour and a half later, while I was on the phone with someone else, I heard the annoying click telling me someone else was trying to phone in. I looked at the CallerID, saw the area code and thought, "NOOOOOOO way! Could it be him????". I didn't take the call, as the woman I was on the line with is a dear elderly friend in her 80s, who I have far too much respect for to ask to "hold". I let her finish her story, and a short while later we hung up the phone. By that time, the other line had clicked twice more, with me ignoring it both times, and then there was that signal that told me I had a new message waiting. As fast as I could retrieve it, I waited to hear who it was. Yep. It was him. I'd know that voice anywhere. HOLY MOLY!!! I could hardly believe it was happening.

I dialed the number and when a woman picked up, I announced myself and asked for him. She hollered out that he had a call, and then I heard the 'click' when he picked up another phone. IS IT REALLY YOU???? Wowza. Wowza. WOWZA! In just a few seconds, 30+ years of absence disappeared. It was as if we'd only just spoken a few weeks ago. I'm not kiddin'. Sure, there were lots of details to fill in, but the vibe...the feeling of connection was right back in an instant. How freakin' cool is that?

Well, that phone call turned into a 2 hour marathon, neither of us wanting to hang up. Just like 2 kids in high school, whispering on the phone so your parents won't hear you, refusing to hang up until someone fell asleep. Silly. Goofy. Fantastic! It was wonderful to hear about his life, the big events and small. His voice sounds just like it always did, his laugh as familiar as my own. I'm tellin' ya, it was just such a HOOT. Finally, after 2 hours, we hung up the phone, promising another call soon. I went to bed with the biggest grin on my face, in wonder of the amazing string of events that lead to our 'finding' each other after all this time.

When I woke up this morning, I had a few seconds where I thought it'd been a dream. Did I really talk to him? I looked around my beautiful bedroom, trying to orient my brain, and then realized that it was true. We'd spoken on the phone and it wasn't a dream. I laid there for a bit, just thinking about how strange it all is. How strange to hear these ghosts from my past, and reliving some of the craziness we did back then. He remembered stuff I'd long forgotten. He told me about things I'd done for him, with him, that I'd erased from my memory, in hopes of letting go of the sadness of separation. We laughed a lot. And all that stuff came floating back, clear as a bell, images and all.

It's really pretty amazing when things like this happen. Just considering the whole "time factor" is a trip unto itself. How could that much time have passed? Time is so strange. And unfathomable. And utterly mysterious. But, regardless of time, some things don't ever change. And, apparently, a friendship such as ours is one of those things. Remarkable, doncha know?!

no news is good news

Watch any newscast for an hour, sans commercials, and you'll find 43 minutes of ICK and maybe (if you're 'lucky') 3 minutes of 'good'. Back in the early 70's, the New York Post tried to deliver only good news. Their sales plummeted. It didn't take long for some Honcho to figure out that people wanted to hear all the 'bad' stuff. So, they went back to delivering what the people wanted. Sales sky-rocketed. HUH?

Before I stopped watching the news (and reading newspapers, and listening on the radio), I would sit there and wonder, “Do you mean to tell me that's all the good there is in this world? Are you kidding me?” Then, as 'luck' would have it, I met someone who I greatly admired and who was doing wonderful work to make the world a better place. He was a successful businessman and a delightful human Being. His was a life I envied, with the lovely family and the twice-annual vacations and the pretty house on the fabulous property, the whole she-bang. As was my norm then, I was sure there was something amiss. I used to think that there just had to be something 'wrong' in his world, because nobody could be that happy. Yea. That's how I used to think. Sad, huh?

Well one day, while having lunch with this divine man, I came right out and asked. "Is your life really that great? Do you really have all that it seems you have? The wife who loves you and the kids with their good manners and honor roll grades? Is it all true or is there some facade you've created to fool the rest of us?"

He laughed his big, hearty laugh and took my hands in his. He smiled so gently, with those twinkly eyes and said, “You know, you're not the first person who's asked. And I'm quite certain you won't be the last. But, the answer is, yes, my life really is that good. But it wasn't by accident.”

He then began to tell me his story. He told me of a childhood filled with hardship and violence. A childhood devoid of love, full of anger. A hard, lonely road from there to college, where he worked to pay his way, without a stitch of help from anyone in his family. He told me this without bitterness or resentment. He was merely telling his story, not reliving it. This, in itself, was something I'd never witnessed before, and the more he spoke, the more enchanted I was. I'd just never heard anyone speak so well of such terrible things. And then there was the love. He glowed with love. This man didn't have a whisper of hatred in his bones. Astonishing!

After he told me his story, he asked, “Do you watch the news? Or read the papers? Or listen to it on the radio?” I was a little surprised by the question, given what he'd just shared. I couldn't yet make the connection. I told him, "yes, I do. Almost every day. It's important to stay up on the world's happenings, don't you think?"

He laughed again. Not at me, rather as a father would laugh at his child's silliness. Full of love, without judgment. I asked what was so funny. This is when he delivered what would become the seed to my first garden. He told me about the nature of 'the news'. How the news, like many religions, is there to instill fear. To keep us paralyzed and helpless. To make us think that there wasn't a single thing we could do but pray “it” never happened to us. He said that the moment he stopped watching the news and began making his own was the day his whole life changed. He was 15 years old. He said that he'd had enough 'bad news' for one lifetime and made the decision to focus on all the good that there was around him. He made a conscious choice to create his world, without the influence of those who wished to imprison him. Just like that.

I have to say that it took me a while to process all this. Because, for me, it seemed a bit naïve. My father was one who watched the news religiously, and even put a TV in the dining room so he could watch it while we ate dinner. Can you imagine???? Horrible. Horrible. Horrible. So, for me to even consider not watching the news was almost a sacrilege. But, process I did. I thought about what it might feel like to not be shown all the blood and gore the news delivered so consistently. What it might feel like to focus only on the good around me. What it might feel like to defy my father (which had always given me great pleasure as a teen) and do something so out of my 'box' as to allow a new kind of perspective to come forth. So, at my friend's suggestion, I stopped watching the news for a week. If I happened to have the TV on and some snippet of news popped up, I'd turn it off or change the channel. If someone tried to tell me about some new horror they'd heard about, I'd put my hand up in an instant and tell them to stop. Or I'd simply walk away. I didn't care at that time whether I appeared rude. I was on a mission to see what it'd be like without bad news. The result?

On the eighth day I knew he was onto something. I felt the shift in my own psyche. I actually felt differently from that week's abstinence. So, I went another week. And then another. The more time passed, the more I could see how much truth there was to his claim. Because I was looking around me, and all I found was good stuff. I saw people helping other people. I saw kids playing and grandpas laughing and flowers blooming. I saw, all around me, a world full of hope and kindness and good things. Was it because I was focused? Perhaps. Or perhaps it was because there is far more good than there is ugliness in this world. But we don't see it because that's not what we're 'shown'.

If you think about how many billions of people there are on this planet, and then think about how many of those billions are good people, it would make sense that there is far more 'good news' than bad. But the good news doesn't instill fear, does it? The good news allows us to believe in our own power to affect change, and live well, and spread the love. But if we all did that, then where would the Fat Cats be? If they had no control over us, how could they continue to manipulate and imprison? Well, they couldn't. Which is why the news is so important to them. Don't think for one second that the news isn't controlled. THAT is naïve. I'm not saying there aren't good, honest journalists out there. But they don't get to choose what news is delivered. They don't have that kind of voice. I know this firsthand too. (I'll spare you that story for now!)

Bottom line is this: Well-being abounds. There is far more 'good news' than there is bad. If we could see it all across a TV screen in fast time, the 'bad news' would be a mere BLIP on the screen. Nothing more than a nanosecond's worth. Look around. Look at the good that permeates this beautiful world. Turn off the news. Make your own headlines the way you wish your world to read. If you think I'm being naïve, just try it. Just for a week. No news whatsoever. See how YOU feel when that week comes to an end. How will you know if you don't give it a whirl?