waxing moon, waning fear

Funny how the moon can affect so much, eh? Lots of folks think this is nonsense. But I'm a believer. Think about it...the moon, all those zillions of miles away, affects the tides of the oceans. That's a whole lotta water. And if we're mostly 'ugly bags of water' (as spoken by some alien on Star Trek), then how could the moon not affect us? Makes no sense at'tall.

I was talking to someone about this, asking if she thought her emotions were more volatile during the waning or the waxing of the moon. She told me that the waning was much more likely to find her crying and overly-sensitive to things than was the waxing. I had to agree. When the moon is on the rise, I tend to be a lot more giddy, more enthusiastic, more easily hopeful. Once it's full, I'm on top of the world. But as soon as it begins to wane, that's when the poop hits the paddle. And I don't have to look at charts to know what phase the moon is in. I can feel it before I 'know'. It's always been that way for me. I just know when the moon is full. Back when I was bar tending, I could tell by the customers who came and went during the month. No kidding. When the moon was full, allllll the crazies showed up. Crazies who'd do weird stuff that was not seen other times of the month. Sometimes, that proved lucrative for me, as they'd drop huge tips when they otherwise tended to be less than generous. It was uncanny how accurate I was back then, and it was long before I had even a slight curiosity about such things. People used to think I was weird cuz I'd say, "better be on your toes. Moon is full. All the weirdos will be in tonight." One of my managers used to laugh at me over it, until, after years of working together, he realized I was always correct. His attitude toward me changed dramatically after that. Mostly, it was fear. He thought I was a 'witch'. Giggle. Yea. People think stuff like that.

Anyway, point is, the moon is back on the rise again. And I can feel it, even though I can't see it right now. This is a very good thing. The past few days have been kinda tough, both emotionally and physically, and I'm more than ready for a reprieve. I'm ready to roll into the waxing moon, and allow it to guide me to a more pleasant place. I'm ready for new thoughts to affect change. I'm ready for more good stuff. More buds on the trees. More of everything GOOD. With this in mind, even though I've got some very uncomfortable ICK going on, I remain ever hopeful. I hold my focus on what's not yet visible. I keep this message in mind:

"The reality gives birth to the dream. But the dream is where you are wanting to put your ATTENTION."

I love that. I love knowing that I create my 'reality' by what I choose to focus on and how I see that dream. Passion is a powerful thing, ya know? And from where I sit, it's about the best thing to use when one wishes to change one's world.

How 'bout you?

abe does it again ~

As you likely know, I'm a big fan of Abraham. Their delivery, their timely messages (sometimes, it's EERIE how timely they are!), their whole way of offering the Love is just so perfect. Their sense of humor sure don't hurt none either. Love that part. Anyway, I'm bringing this up because, once again, the newest video on YouTube is about as timely as ever. It's about going from "Grief to Joy". Go figure.

Just the other day, as mentioned in an earlier post, my sweet Sorella and I were discussing the grief stuff. Me, because of Raja's transition, and she because of her Mom's. While we're both big believers of Abe's messages, we're also still "working on" getting better at the tuning in parts. The 'letting go of resistance' parts. The ALLOWING parts. Yea. We do a LOT of work in these arenas, but still, we haven't yet fine tuned to the point where we're going with the flow, so to speak, all day every day. No matter. The fact that we practice, and believe, and know in our hearts that it's what suits us, is more than enough to have made some pretty incredible changes in our realities (respectively) already. It only gets better!

So, I'm a 'subscriber' to the Abraham-Hicks videos on YouTube, which means that any time there are new ones, I get an email to let me know. As is my norm, I go scootin' over there, hungry for their latest offering, ready to soak it up and let it in. This morning was one such day, as I sipped my coffee and watched. That this newest video is about Grief to Joy just made me giggle all the more, cuz we'd been working on it together all week.

Now, I'm not going to try to regurgitate what they said. Instead, I'm going to post the link so you can go see/listen for yourself. If you happen to be in such a place, where you're either dealing with the "loss" of a loved one or dealing with the impending "loss" makes no difference. In fact, it doesn't even need to be exclusive to the 'death experience' at all. If you're feeling any kinda grief, go have a look/listen. It's well worth the 8:47 it takes to view.

Here's the link:

From Grief to Joy ~ AbrahamHicks

the last time?

so when was the last time you went to the playground? you know, swings & monkey bars & sliding boards & see-saws. bet it's been a while, huh?

how 'bout the last time you bought a balloon...for your SELF? or rode the roller coaster? or went to the zoo? a museum? an aquarium? how 'bout the last time you got yourself an ice cream cone with sprinkles on top?

i'm guessing, that unless you have small children, it's been eons. why? cuz we think of those things as 'for kids only'? well, lemme tell ya, there's nothing that will lift your spirits like pretending you're the kid....and doing some of these things. it's so much fun...and we just never think about doin' that kinda stuff, huh? bummer.

i was talking to a dear friend of mine last night, when she began to tell me about how much she misses her mom and how she had this really strong remembering about the day her mom went to the circus, not long before she passed. my friend still has the voice message on her phone from her mom after she went to the circus. i'm guessing she'll keep that one for a long, long time. it makes her smile. and it keeps her close. ya know?

so anyway, she was talking to me about all this and i suggested she go get herself a balloon. the kind filled with helium. told her she could tie it to her wrist and let it 'follow' her around all day. ya know what? she went to the store this morning, and when she walked in the door, there it was! a giant helium balloon with a butterfly (she loves butterflies!) and all sorts of pretty colors. she was so excited, she bought it on the spot, tied it around her wrist and has been wearing it ever since. when she told me this, i was hootin' like a crazy person! i could see her, clear as a bell, with that balloon and a big ol' goofy grin on her beautiful face...like a kid on the playground.

so it got me to thinking about how we forget about stuff like that. we just don't even think about it. and it's such a simple thing. so easy to do. yet, we just don't. i'm telling you this...so maybe you will. maybe you'll get up right now and go git yourself a balloon or take a ride to the playground and swing on a swing. or take yourself to the nearest merry-go-round and have a ride.

whaddya think?

a word on wealth...(okay...more than 'one' word)

just can't help it...I'm havin' sooooo much fun with these...and I really hope you are too!

you'll ALWAYS find it ~

If you look for anything long enough, you're most certainly bound to find it. I've experienced this truth many times, as have you, if you've ever paid attention. Looking for crabby people? Yep. There they are. All around. Looking for new blooms in Spring? Yep. They're everywhere (well, that is, if it's Springtime!). How about a lump in your body? You look long enough, you're gonna find one of those too. As 'the good book' says, "seek and ye shall find". Truth. Yes indeedy.

Which brings me to the reason I'm telling you this. A few days ago, via an email I got from a terrific website called Daily Good, I saw a little snippet about "smiling cards". The idea was that you could make or buy little cards with smiles on them, to pass along as you go about your day. This reminded me of a gentleman I once did some work for who needed help with a new website he was building to offer "Tokens of Kindness". Same idea. Different medium. His idea was really cool in that the tokens (much like those you'd get in a casino) could have your logo on it (like a business card) and on the other side of the coin was the address to his site, along with an ID number. The purpose was to pass the tokens along and then go to his site and log in the number, identifying you location. His vision was that the Tokens of Kindness would travel round the world. VERY cool idea.

So, I was sitting here thinking about all that, and came up with my own version. They're called "Kindness Cards". Just little cards with pretty images and the words:

"Together, we can grow kindness. Carry this card with you. Next time you see someone do something kind for another, or the next time YOU do, give them this card. And ask them to do the same. Let's keep the flow of kindness growing!"

Pretty simple. That whole 'Pay It Forward' thing. Simple...but very effective. Know why? Because when you've got that little card in your pocket (or purse or wherever), you're going to LOOK for acts of kindness and/or ways to commit some yourself. You'll go about your day with this little seed planted, and....YEP...you guessed it...you're going to FIND what you're looking for. Happens all the time. I carry them around with me in my jeans pocket or in my bag. From the moment I leave my house to the moment I return, I'm looking. I WANT to give someone a card. It's fun, it makes people smile (everyone likes to be acknowledged, ya know?) and it's a simple yet effective way to grow kindness.

So, you can make some of your own...and carry them around with you. OR you can go to my Etsy Shop and buy some. $5 for 12 cards. Easy as pie. Whaddya waitin' for????

Grow the flow of Kindness in your world!!!

all the crazy 'coincidences' ~

Do you believe in 'coincidence'? Do you think that stuff happens randomly? Do you live your life in such a way that logic supersedes intuition? I ask these questions because there have been an amazingly high number of so-called 'coincidences' occurring in my world lately...all of which are proof (to me, anyway) that my intuition is far more 'accurate' than any logic could ever explain. But then, that shouldn't come as any big surprise...to me or to you (if you've ever read anything else I've posted). As it turns out, I don't believe in coincidence, just as I don't believe in 'luck'.

As it turns out, what I do believe is that every single teeny, tiny thing (and the big stuff too) is absolutely the result of what I focus on. Whatever I give my attention to, with passion and lightness, comes 'true'. It happens more often than it used to, mostly, I think, because I'm so much more aware of it. Mostly, I think...because I believe it to be my truth.

Example: a lovely woman who lives quite a ways from here, wrote me a couple of weeks ago. She'd been struggling with despair, with a lack of hope, with huge doubts, as to her worthiness. She was experiencing a sleepless night, having consumed a large amount of vino, when she did a search for 'joy'. She came upon my website, went there, and spent a good amount of time perusing the offerings. Finally, it seems, she mustered the 'courage' to write me an email. She told me of her current 'situation', how she's been feeling, and all the details of a sadly dismal day-to-day 'grind'. She also expressed deep gratitude for the offerings on my website, saying that it really had a profound effect on her dismal mood.

When I read the email, I was quite blown away. Here was this complete 'stranger' who was sharing some very intimate details with me, trusting that the person who built the website would be as authentic as she was being. Her trust, her willingness to share so openly, her beautiful bravery touched me so deeply I can't even find words to explain. So, of course, I wrote her back. I shared my own gratitude for her kind words and thus began what I consider to be a lovely new friendship.

Fast forward another week. Again, I get a missive...this time from someone I went to High School with. Now, first of all, I wasn't all that crazy about High School. I remember it to be quite a harsh environment, with lots of judgments and criticisms about my appearance, my actions and my choice of friends. I don't remember being all that well-liked. But, apparently, there are a few people who remember otherwise. Anyway, I get this email from a gal I went to school with, telling me that she was blown away by what I had on my website. She, too, has been 'trying' to make some changes in her life and was struggling a bit with said changes. When she went to my site (and this Blog) she said she was newly inspired to refocus on what she wanted and all the changes she wishes to make. Again, gratitudes were shared and her enthusiasm was felt all the way across the country.

WOW!WOW!WOW! Here I am, doing what I do...and have done for a long time, and suddenly these people are showing up to let me know that what I'm doing is making a difference! Who'da thought?

Truth be told, these are only 2 of the many things that have been coming my way to show me just how much we really do affect the world. It's not that I didn't know or even believe this, but the passion with which these people are expressing is about as powerful a thing as I've ever experienced. A dear friend of mine sent me a card that simply says: You Matter. When I got that card, it made me weep. Somewhere deep inside I knew she was right...and it humbled me to tears. It also made me laugh at how silly I can be sometimes. I put the card in a pretty frame and keep it on my desk, right in front of me, so I can be reminded that I DO matter. And so do you! Fact is, EVERYONE matters. Even when we think we're not doing anything 'big', we matter. Small things, little kindnesses, can have such an enormous impact, even when we forget them.

There's an old story about a man who's walking along the beach one day and finds a little boy tossing starfish into the sea. The shoreline is littered with hundreds of the little starfish, all having been beached when the tide went out. Needless to say, those little fish would die if they weren't returned to the sea. So, the little boy is tossing them, one by one, back into the water. The man walks up to the little boy and asks him what he's doing. The boy tells him he's saving their lives. The man replies, "It can't possibly matter. Look how many there are!" The little boy picks up yet another starfish, tosses it into the ocean and says "it matters to that one"

I always loved that story. Because it's the epitome of what 'grown-ups' see versus what kids see. Kids aren't limited by logic. They don't consider 'impossibilities'. They believe that in this moment, whatever they do or dream or imagine is absolutely their truth. How can you not LOVE that?

So today, if you care to make changes in your world, consider being that child. Let go of those limiting beliefs and all the mumbo-jumbo you hear from the nay-sayers. Tell 'em to take a hike. Just trust that the little 'coincidences' are either on their way or right here now, to inspire you to keep on keepin' on. Trust your gut. Laugh REALLY BIG. Entice your Muse to come have a visit....and you just watch the Magick happen!

It will.

I promise.

3 questions...

What if...at the end of your day, you asked yourself 3 questions...so that instead of re-living the day's irritations, you re-lived the day's wonders. Like...let's say you had a really nasty argument with a co-worker or maybe your spouse. A long, drawn-out-pain-in-the-ass kind of argument. No resolution was met. Nothing but bad feelings resulted. ICK. So, there you are, lying in bed, and you start re-living that argument. DOUBLE ICK! What kinda way is that to go to sleep?

Okay. Other options. Let's say that after that argument, you decided to go for a walk to clear your head or let off some steam. You went outside, all agitated and ready to kill somebody, and right as you round a corner, you see this teeny little sprout pushing it's way out of the cold, hard dirt. You can hardly believe your eyes when you see it, because there's even some snow on the ground from that last storm, yet there it is...this baby growth popping it's pretty little head out as if to say, "Aw. It's nothing. Just keep reaching for the sun and it's a piece of cake."

Of the two scenarios, which do you suppose feels better re-living? HA! No, it's not a rhetorical question. It's a simple question that raises yet another...why is it that when we're re-living moments, we choose the ICKIEST ones instead of the wondrous ones? Why is it that we torture outselves with such punishments? Do you really thing there's some god up in the sky that's punishing you? Really????

I don't believe in such silliness, as you may already have gathered from previous postings. I'm one of those people who believes that the only 'justice' there really is, is the justice of balance. You get what you give. That's pretty much it. If you're walking around all day long being a big ol' grump, it's quite likely you're going to be met with all kinds of other grumpy people. On the other hand, if you're one of those people who walk around with a silly grin on your face...for no apparent reason, it's equally likely that you're gonna run across those kinds of people. Because you get what you give. You reap what you sow. What goes around comes around. I could go on...but I'm guessing you get the picture.

So, at the end of your day, as you're lying in your bed about ready to close your eyes...here are the 3 questions you might like to try on for size:

***What has surprised me today?
***What has touched me today?
***What has inspired me today?

What kind of dream state do you suppose you'll have after those questions?

the lovely downstream ride ~

it just gets easier all the time. the whole 'going with the flow' thang. it's just so much fun! the more i stay at ease, the more things flow right to me. amazing. the coolest thing? it really only just takes a little practice. little tiny things that soon add up to really 'visible' manifestations. and it's NOT hard. it's not even close to hard. it's as easy as brushing your teeth! honest!

how'd it get this way? hmmmmmm. let's see. about 2 years ago, when my world got turned upside down, i had to find a new way of looking at things. i had to because i was on the verge of dying. and i'm not exaggerating here. i really thought i was going to die. and, at certain moments, i really wanted to. yea. it was that awful.

one day, after talking to my sage for an hour or so, i realized just how much of an impact my choosing to leave the planet would have on those who love me. she made it perfectly clear to me. and, while i was in agony, i certainly didn't want to cause any to those i love. it was really that simple. i didn't want anyone to hurt on account of my own choice to leave. so...i made the choice, right then, to stay. to do whatever i had to do to make it through this horrible experience. i stopped looking at it from a victim's eyes, and began to look at it as a gift. the universe was giving me an opportunity of some kind, and even though i wasn't quite sure what that opportunity was, i knew, somehow, it was there for me to grow from.

thus began the shift. the shift from victim to creator. the shift from feeling powerless to feeling empowered. no. it wasn't an easy ride at first, but i stayed the course and just kept showing up for my life. i kept doing the little things i was led to do in order to keep the pain at bay and move onward. i just kept believing that the horrors i was dealing with would pass...and there would be some kind of joy at the end of that road.

i was correct. as long as it seemed to take at first, it really has flown by. the past 2 years have been the most incredible, growth expanding years of my life. and you know what else? now there are people who actually ask ME how i did it. imagine that. crazy, huh? people from all over the planet actually write to me with their heartfelt questions. they're looking for a way to ease their own pain and move into joy. and for whatever reason, they're finding me to help them along. i can't even begin to tell you how that makes me feel. it is one of THE most amazing gifts i've ever been given. it's as inspiring as it is humbling.

today, i am deeply grateful. i am full of appreciation for having chosen this path.

today, i am filled with joy knowing that my choices have led me to this place.

today, i AM joy.

just for fun....and then some ~

below this post, you're going to find a little video of yours truly. i got this crazy idea the other day, after watching another video, and reading several emails sent specifically to plant some new seeds of my own...and then i remembered that my webcam would record video too. so, i started out with this SUPERGOOFY video that i put on my FaceBook page...just for sheeps & giggles. and the response was terrific! then, the next day i decided to do one to kind of introduce people to my website...and THEN remembered i had this YouTube channel i'd set up for the raja project and had completely abandoned when i shelved that project. so i went on over there, cleaned it all up and posted both the 'supergoofy' and the almost-as-goofy 2nd video. now, i'm not saying the whole world ran over there and watched it. cuz they didn't. BUT...

a few people did. and it was more than just my friends. there were other folks who watched them too. kind of exciting, ya know? being the not-at-all-shy kinda gal that i am, i find the whole process quite exhilarating. fact is, i like being 'on stage'. always have. that's what made me such a great bartender, back in the day. and it's also what allowed me to perform on stage (music) for all those many years i did that too. the camera? it takes a little getting used to...say, about 5 seconds. and then...off i go.

a few days ago, right after finishing the book (see post below), i made another video. this one was a bit more 'emotional', as i was still sorta reeling over the book. and i'd gone thru a vast array of emotions all the while...so it wasn't surprising that my voice sounded a little raspy. i left it alone. didn't want to get all into some 'finely polished' crap. because, the whole idea here is to offer up some fun little goodies for folks to think on, if they want, or leave, if they don't. and then today...

today, i was wandering around, doing the other stuff i do, and just sort of giving intermittent thoughts to how i was going to go forward with this whole video thing. i want to make them fun, but i also want them to be worth watching. i'd love for folks to 'subscribe' so they'll come back again...and again, cuz they find some joy in the watching. (oh..and yea...i'd love to be on ellen too...but that's another story for another day.) after a while, i sat outside and was catching up with my roommate who'd just returned from a week out of town. i had my journal on the patio table, waiting for the solitude to write and get more focused on the video thing. right when he was about to walk back into the house...it hit me.

i'd 'shifted' my focus while he talked, and then 'shifted back' when he walked away. SHIFTING! there it was. i was so excited that it came like that...that i came upstairs and sat down to record. then the phone rang. SHEESH. then the dogs started barking. DOUBLESHEESH. i was gigglin' the whole time, thinking..."well, it'll get recorded when it gets recorded. what's the hurry?"

coolest thing about all this is that when i finally got it done..it was just so fun. it didn't seem contrived or scripted (which they most definitely are NOT) nor did i go on for too long (it's less than 10 minutes). just perfect!

i'm gonna keep doing them. i'm gonna allow them to come when they do, and not force them out. i'm gonna ask my muse to show up...and just let whatever flows outta me....flow outta me. and i hope, really bigtime hope, that you and whoever you know will go see them. and go back for more. and make your comments on the youtube site...and rate the videos. so i can learn more about what you're looking for, more about what you like or don't like. more about how i can scatter the joy.

hope you'll click on the one below. it's right there! you don't even have to go to youtube! so.......whaddya waitin' for?

shifting ~

this time...gonna let you 'watch' instead of 'read'...just for fun.

how much it helps

So I've been doing this thing...where I write to my Raja whenever I'm feeling her absence too large. When I feel the tears coming, instead of trying not to cry...I let 'em flow and write to her. Crazy as it sounds, it seems to help. It helps me to let the tears and the anguish come out, instead of stuffing it back down. Cuz I know that can't be good. The stuffing part..it's soooooooo not good to do. And while I'm writing to her, it's like she's right here. Like she's so clear in my mind, I can almost touch her. Yea. It helps. A LOT.

Just the other day, while I was doing this writing...the tears started falling big time. I grabbed for the box of kleenex and just kept writing. I was determined to just go with it, ya know? All of a sudden, I wrote this line that said, "Raja. Please come visit me. Please." And I hear this bounding up the stairs...fast...and it's Koda. Koda is my roommate's dog...and he happens to look a lot like Raja. Except for the funny ear. And he's a little smaller. But, he really looks alot like her. So anyway, he comes flyin' in my office and shoves his nose up under my arm. He is NOT taking no for an answer. He wants me to touch him and I'm tryin' to write and he just keeps shoving, shoving, shoving. Finally it hit me. OMIGOD! I JUST ASKED HER TO COME VISIT! PAY ATTENTION!

So I sat down on the floor and just buried my face in his fur. Just like I used to do with her. I was cryin' so hard I could hardly breathe. And every time I'd move my face away, he'd start licking the tears off my face. Just like her! I was so blown away by all this...it made me cry even more. Could it be she actually sent him up here to help? Could it really be????

I guess we sat on the floor for a good half hour. Me crying, him licking my face. Soft and sweet and without pushing too hard. He just stayed with me thru the whole thing. and then...he did this thing..like talking to me. He started making all these really cool sounds...like he was really trying to form words. Just like my Raja used to do. Crazy, huh? By that time, he had me laughing pretty big...and even tho the tears were still falling, they were, instead, tears of joy. Here's this beautiful pup, doing these things that she always did with me...right outta the blue.

Yea. I know it sounds nuts. Don't care. It happened. And he's been staying real close ever since. Like he knows I need him to stay close. Man. What a world.

the shack

There is an amazing miracle going on in my Life right now. One that keeps growing and growing, with each passing day. Books that are absolutely PERFECT for me at this point on my journey are showing up, just "because". Incredible books with stories that are not merely well-written, but deeply affecting. All of them very different, all of them precisely what I 'need' right now. Inspiring but light. Profound but fun. Perfect mixtures of messages I've been asking to hear.

One in particular is worthy of a little 'review'. For a few reasons. One, because I really think that if every person on the planet read this book, the world would be a very different place. In a very good way. The other because the author, at the end of his story, asked that those of us who enjoyed the story and felt it's impact pass it along so others may read it too. Like I said, it's one hell of a book!

So, the name of this book is "The Shack". The author is Wm. Paul Young. And he began the writing of this book, not to sell or have anyone else read it, but rather as a story for his children. He was trying to find a way to tell them about his love affair with god, without it being some 'religious' thing. In other words, religion had nothing to do with it. It was about the LOVE. (he tells of the beginnings on his blog...very cool stuff). In the end, a few people gave it (in Kinko's form...you know, just paper with a 'cool' Photoshopped cover, bound for his kids and a few friends), who then gave it to a few people....and suddenly there was this flurry to have it published. With the help of a few friends, they got 10,000 copies printed...and they all sold QUICK. Next came the actual publication, making it available to 'the masses'. (I'll provide a link at the end of this...just in case you want to get your own!)

The story...is about a man who has faced an impossibly horrible tragedy. In the words of one review:

"Finally! A guy-meets-God Novel that has literary integrity and spiritual daring. "The Shack" cuts through the cliches of both religion and bad writing to reveal something compelling and beautiful about life's integral dance with the Divine. This story reads like a prayer--like the best kind of prayer, filled with sweat and wonder and transparency and surprise. When I read it, I felt like I was fellowshipping with God. If you read one work of fiction this year, let this be it."

And I can tell ya, this is an understatement. This man writes with delicious passion from a place you just know must be some sort of conduit to the Divine. It must be. Because from the very first words, I was unable to put it down. And I'm kinda persnickety about writing...not to mention my own distaste for anything that has to do with what I'd always believed "god" was about. Nothankyouverymuch. I wanted no part of such things, based on what I 'learned' as a child and even beyond my childhood. To me, it was all a bunch a phooey, mired in hypocrisy and fear. You can have it. Not me. God? HA! Just something created by 'man' to keep the world filled with fear and under control. Hogwash.

The beauty of this is that the book was actually given to me by one of my closest friends..who'd waited for "the right time" to send it. She said she wanted me to 'be ready'...so when she felt that time had arrived, she mailed it to me, with the most beautiful message written inside the front cover. I knew it was coming and dove right in. This book was so enthralling, so beautifully imaginative...so compelling that I read it in less than 2 days. Just couldn't put it down. The way he 'describes' god and Jesus and the spirit...you know, that whole "trinity" thing...well, let's just say it wasn't anything like I'd ever even imagined, let alone heard before. Really unique...and FUNNY! All three of these 'characters' were hilarious. For someone who's ALWAYS bristled at any mention of 'god' or even Jesus...well, it surprised me how much I wanted to 'hear' what they had to say. As if I was finally 'ready' for whatever they had to offer.

The landscape, and I mean that in literal terms, was equally beautiful. As someone who's not only lived in the Pacific Northwest, but also happens to love that part of the country, I could easily 'see' the places he describes with such splendid detail. The mountains and the waterfalls and the millions of trees....all those things that make the Pacific Northwest so magnificent...they were painted in the most vivid manner as to make you feel like you were there with him. Stunning!

And then there was the whole 'interaction' with god. He made the scenery so real, so comfortable, so much like you were home, that it wasn't like reading a book at all. It was like you were there, being the character, experiencing what he was. I'm tellin' ya...this guy can write!

I could really get into great detail about this book. But I'm not gonna do that. You can go have a look at some pages over on Amazon. Or go to your local bookstore. Or to his website. However you choose to 'find' it, I'm quite certain you won't be disappointed. That is, if YOU are ready. If not...maybe another time.

A word of thanks to Willie:
I don't know if you'll ever get to this Blog, but if you do, I just want you to know that I'm deeply grateful that you shared this with us. I don't think I've ever read a book (and I read LOTS of books!) that touched me as deeply as The Shack. Arms around ya and BIG Love for you too!

Link to The Shack
Link to the Site (you'll find his Blog here as well)

JoyZAChoice!

little luxuries ~

never would've thought about it if someone hadn't mentioned it; actually 2 someones. how much of a luxury it is to just lay in bed and read. with a mug of hot chocolate, a candle on the bedside table, my chella right next to me and that perfect lamp to light the pages. spend an entire day, just reading. yep. it's a luxury alright. one that i'd never have afforded myself before now. why is that? why do we hurry about so freakin' much and not do these things that make us feel so good?

my friend...my 'soul sister'...mentioned this more than once in the past couple of conversations. about how she 'wished' she could do that. just read all day long. the first thing that popped into my head was, "well, why can't ya?". i didn't say that. i just listened and sent the message via the cosmos: "take time for you. read, honeygirl. if that's what you wanna do...do it." left it at that, but got off the phone thinking how 'lucky' i am that i can...and do. another of those blessings that seem silly to some, but huge to me.

which leads me to the next part about luxuries. seems to me that there are millions of ways we can lavish ourselves. little things that, were we to really honor the moments of our day, we'd do without hesitation. stuff like hot baths with pretty smelling sea salts and candles all around. or warming the towel before hand, so when you step outta the bath, you have that warm towel to wrap yourself up in. just like when you go to a fancy spa. warm towels. easy. but enormously luxurious, yes? or...having pancakes with warm syrup...on a tuesday. or spending the extra $5 on shea butter instead of the usual moisturizer you always buy cuz it's cheaper. or...(oh, this is a big one...) taking your SELF out for a nice dinner cuz you just did something worth celebrating, like making it thru an entire day without one single self-deprecating thought. now that's something worth celebrating, doncha think?

well anywayz...i'm just thinking that we're all worth it. we're worth lavishing ourselves in luxuries, regardless of our incomes or social 'status'. even if it means you have to gather up the change outta your piggy bank and roll up your quarters/dimes/nickels, so what? seems to me that the more we honor ourselves this way, the more we have to honor. kinda the ol' proverbial cosmic snowball, ya know?

go on...luxuriate. you deserve it.

after the tears

i always thought that crying was a cleansing. like when you cry, it washes away the crap you need off you. mostly, when i cry, i don't try to stop it. i just cry until i'm all cried out. then i shower, hot long shower, and get on with it. yesterday tho, well those tears just kept coming and coming. it was so shocking...how many there were. chella did her best to cheer me up...but nothing seemed to be 'working'. so i just kept letting them flow. today?

today i feel like there's a thick coating of goo all over me. foggy. surreal. kinda out-of-bodyish. weird. i just got up a couple of hours ago, and feel like i need to go back to bed. maybe i will. maybe i'll just sleep all day. or sleep until i get whatever kind of rest my body is asking for. it's been such a weird week. so many big emotions spilling out. is it the moon? is it cuz it's spring time? is it another big change coming? i don't know. i just feel like there's something brewing. and rather than try to figure it out, i'm gonna allow...allow me to go through whatever is coming, whatever is here now. i'm gonna just BE...and do my very best to enJOY the ride...however crazy it gets.

sheesh.

what a freakin' mess.

new ways to move on ~

got home from a really terrific session with a lady who bought my bowflex. i promised that i'd show her how to use it, since i didn't have the manual or the video it came with. i thought i was more than fair, and they live pretty close by, so it wouldn't be like i was driving all over creation. i also thought it'd be good for me to help somebody get to feelin' good about themselves. back when i was a trainer, i loved watching as folks would come into that beautiful place of being comfortable in their own skin. it was like my super-bonus on top of getting paid to train them. loved that part. so when her husband voiced concern about my not having 'instructions', i told him i'd be more than happy to provide them in person. she agreed and the deal was made.

so, i went over this morning, met the lovely woman and commenced to doin' what camille does: teach. we talked about how much what we think affects our bodies. and the food we put in our mouths. and how we feel about that food. friend? or not? we also talked about the messages we send ourselves with the words we choose to use. well, i guess "we" isn't exactly correct. more like "me". she was visibly blown away by the information i was sharing. she told me of the various gyms & trainers she'd tried in the past, all of which were less than happy experiences. she also told me that "at her age" it was not as easy as it used to be. again, i reminded her about her choice of words. and again, i spoke of perceptions. hell, the lady doesn't look a day over 40...and she's 62! no cosmetic surgeries, no 'body enhancements'. just a beautiful woman with a glow for life. amazing how much people don't get that part. anyway...

it was fun. it was really good to be in teacher mode again...and she commented more than once about how 'good' i was at this. she kept thanking me, over and over, for being so generous with my time and knowledge. and every time she did, i thanked her for letting me. mutual exchanges. that what makes the world go 'round! after an hour and a half, we arranged to meet again in 2 days, gave each other a few more hugs...and off i went.

came home, made some lunch and sat looking out at the beautiful view. a lovely spring day in the southern california foothills. nothing at all to be remotely unhappy about. nothing to warn me that another storm was about to hit. oh brother.

came upstairs, sat down at the computer to check emails and such, and WHAM! just like that...the tears started fallin'. outta nowhere, i had that heavy, lonely heart well up so big i could barely breathe.

raja.
i miss my raja.
i want my dog back.
i want her HERE...in the flesh...not floating around out there in the mists.
here.
with me.
damn it.

i was so stunned, so surprised by this huge well of grief, i didn't know what to do. i sat back in my chair, tried to relax my body, and just let the tears flow. lots and lots of tears. ugh oh. ugh ohhhhhhh. keep breathing there, missy. just keep breathing. it's okay to cry.

it's okay.

it's OKAY.

about the time i thought i couldn't take another second, i had this crazy idea... there was something i could do. there was something that would help me let go the grief, even if only a speck at a time....the raja project. i'd forgotten about the blog i started a year ago, for a project that i had put on a shelf for a while. the blog was still there...still waiting for me to attend to it. why not?

went to that blog and stared at the picture...of my girl..in all her beautiful glory. the tears started flowing again...harder now...

just write to her. write every time you miss her (what? all day every day???) just write her letters like you did when mommy died. that helped a lot. why don't you just do that now...and let yourself ease on out of this place you keep coming back to? ya big silly.

so i did. started writing. a letter. to raja. a letter that were the wrods i'd say out loud if she were sitting here next to me. we talked a lot. not just me. her too. she was quite the talker (just like her mama). i wrote until the tears stopped. and then i wrote a little more. until i got tired of my sniveling. and then i giggled aloud cuz i know she'd have made my laugh by then too. that's just how she was. she always let me cry, and she stayed real close as i did. but she also knew when enough was enough. and, without fail, she'd do something to make me laugh. no kidding. my raja? she was somethin' else.

funny thing about writing. that blog? nobody even knows it's there...except me. and even if someone did...so what? yea...i could do it in a journal or on some pretty stationary too. but i type so much faster than i write...and my hands like it better too. so...the blog it is.

blogs for healing.

golly. what a concept.

ouch

sometimes that's just all there is
OUCH
OUCH
OUCH

at times like that
whaddya gonna do?

OUCH
OUCH
OUCH

take a bath
lie on the floor
stare at a candle

OUCH
OUCH
OUCH

just breathe

wandering aimlessly

when the day seems aimless
with little to hold your interest
wandering, wondering, waiting for some spark of
something
it does little good to look
for anything
it does little good to wish
for inspiration
it is so much better
to pretend
that there is magick all around you
even if ya don't believe it
because
truth is
there is.
magick abounds
as does inspiration
but when you look for it
it's as elusive
as the dream
you try to go back to
after you've been awakened.
just doesn't work.
ya gotta just
let go.
let go the questions
the doubts
the need to find 'it'..
most times
when ya let it go
it pops up
& bites ya on the ass.
funny thing
how that works.
ya know?

another mustache monday ~

yep. it's monday again. mustache monday. almost forgot...til i saw terri's new pic. i swear, she's such a hoot! anyway, wanted to remind ya'll too. if you don't have one to glue on, just draw one on. watch & see how different it makes you feel. not kidding. it'll make ya giggle every time you pass a mirror...or another person. cuz they're gonna look at you funny...and then comes the 'reaction'. it's FUN...if you'll just let got the whole "i'm gonna feel silly". really? that's the whole point!

which brings me to today's little nugget. been thinking about the whole ego game. how much it gets in the way. how much it keeps us from our authentic self. ego. ick. that's what it should be called..."ick". i've pretty much made up my mind that it's that ick that stops me...or rather, used to stop me...from letting the real me out. i used to think i was so real. so honest. so 'myself'. turns out i was so not. but i didn't get to see that until lately. lots of things showed up to really let me see just how much i wasn't being me. most of it was flyin' under the radar. i had no idea. that's the thing about ego. it's a tricky little cuss. you're goin' along, thinking you've got it all dialed in....then, all of a sudden.....you run right smack into it, like a 20 pound sledge. WHACK! hellloooooooooo? what are you, asleep or something?

so, all this stuff started showing up. and i gotta tell ya, it wasn't all that much fun. kinda gave me that feeling of being cornered. cornered by a really big ugly monster with it's claws around my throat. choking me til i could feel my knees start to buckle. no air. no blood. life draining out...fast. no. not any fun at all.

but here's the thing. it seems that those are the moments when you really find out what you're made of. you find out just how strong...tenacious....powerful you are. you find out that the ugly monster is really just a bully...more scared than tough. most bullies are, ya know? that's why they're bullies. cuz they're scared somebody will find them out and they have to cover it up by beating up on 'little ones'. i've had my share of bullies...and i also learned how to call them on their crap. works every time.

same goes with egoick. if you can take that one second to recognize it...to see it for what it really is...big bully...you then have all you need to disarm it. tell it to take a hike. be gone, ya little wuss. you don't scare me. get the hell outta here.

it's not about courage. or muscles. or even being stronger than the bully. it's about recognizing who you really are. it might take a little practice (oh yea. it sure does.) but it's worth it. cuz once you smack that bully upside the head, even just once, you'll find that it's not likely to mess with you for much longer, if at all. now, i'm not saying i've mastered this. but i get it. i get that even doing silly stuff like wearing a mustache on mondays....doing that kind of stuff is what completely dismantles egoickbullypants.

HAAAA! gotcha!

the wish box

so i have this wish box..or magick box...or creation box...whatever you wanna call it. it's this idea i got from abraham....a game of sorts...premise being that we are all magnificent creators...and we can create our world however we wish. (you can find more about this on my website...) anywayz......
so i got this box from my sis one year for christmas. the coolest box. (as you can see..) and when i read about the game, i chose this one for my wish box. i put stuff in it...pictures and thoughts and whatever it is wish to create. then, the moment i put 'whatever' in the box i say

"whatever is in this box IS.".

from there on out, every time i even just look at the box, i say "thanks". cuz i know it's coming. i know that because it's my very own creations in there, it's coming ... and now all i have to do is say thanks. i know this...cuz, well.... it works!

now, call me crazy (ha! as if it matters! we all know i am, so what's the diff?) but i'm tellin' ya....it works.

maybe it's about the expectation. (another piece of the game). or maybe it's cuz once i put it in there, even if i don't believe it, it makes me happy to pretend.

near as i can tell, pretending is precisely how the universe works. it's not about the 'words' ... it's about getting to that place...that feeling place.......of what it's gonna be like when the stuff arrives. like...right now....i have it and it's soooooooo awesome to have it. so when you pretend you're already there, wherever there is, and you actually feel that feeling of being there.....well, there's the magick.

so.....i put a bunch of stuff in my box...all the time..i'm always finding things that make me smile or comfortable or just plain old silly...and i put them in there and pretty much forget about the 'asking' part. any time i look at the box, i just grin real big and shout out 'THANKS!'

that's it.

just 'thanks'

and i go about my business. cuz i know it's on it's way. doesn't matter what it is...it's on it's way. ya don't have to really believe it.....just move yourself in the direction of trusting it. cuz really, what's the worst that could happen??? besides.....it's FUN! you get to be a kid all over again....and from all i remember about being a kid...and all i witness from the kids around me? well, that pretend stuff is pretty powerful.

today.....on a 'lark', i was window shopping on craig's list. i had put a pic of these moccasins i've wanted FOREVER in my wish box. prior to learning about this game, every time i'd see them in a store or someone else wearing them, i'd always admire them and think, 'wow. those are so me. i sure do wish i could have some'. but those thoughts would always be accompanied by 'forget it. you can't afford them. not important. forget it.'

lack.

wanting and then that immediate awful feeling of LACK.

ICK. ICK. ICK.

after a while, i just said screw it. ya can't have 'em. move on, you poor little dreamer.

.NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

not gonna do that anymore!

so........ i put those puppies in my wish box....not even a month ago. i found a pic...printed it out.......& put it in my box.

I AM A MAGNIFICENT CREATOR. THIS IS MY WORLD. I CAN CREATE IT HOWEVER I WISH.

and then....there it was.......

an ad on craig's list.....for the very moccasins i'd put in my box.

FOR $12!!!!

not $225. (at the Indian Store...)not $120 (with damages). not $75 (cuz they're a funky color)

nope. right there.....THE ones........for $12!!!!

then i'm thinkin'...okay chiquita...you just got your rent paid. you had to actually ask for help to do THAT. are you freakin' nuts?????


now. i'll admit. at first i thought....'no way. ain't gonna happen. this is just too weird for it to be true.'. oh yea.. i still have a whole bunch of 'not believing it' stuff. but it doesn't matter (apparently!) there they were...the ones i'd put in my box......for twelve-freakin'-dollars!

when i called the lady to ask when i might come try some on, ended up she was right down the road. (coincidence? HAAAAA!) she said, "whenever you like. i'll be here most of the day."

so i went. i tried them on. they fit perfectly.

TWELVE DOLLARS.

ya think there's no magick??????

think again.

buono compleano ~

happy birthday, mom.
i love you.
i miss you.
i'm holding you close.
buono compleano, mama.

of course it works

been thinking alot about this whole 'law of attraction' thing. more than usual, that is. i mean, i get it. i believe it. i even know it. deep down in my gut. cuz i've lived it so many times i can't even count. but what's cool is that lately, even more so than 'usual', stuff is poppin' up all over the place. really big stuff. like all these 'new' people who've magickally appeared. yep. that's what it's about. the magick of the law. or is it the law of the magick? either way...

had all this icky stuff goin' on last week. all kinds of walls to get over. all kinds of fear. not my norm, to be sure, but there they were. big, ugly walls so thick i couldn't even imagine 'how' i was going to get past them. first 'mistake'. in the 'not imagining', i make those walls thicker, higher, bigger. i got stuck. i let the ick take me into the mire & kick my little ass. most definitely not my normal m.o.

after a while, i got to thinking about all there is around me...the love, the friendships, the beauty, the 'stuff' that makes my world so freakin' beautiful. didn't take long to see that all this other crap was my own doing. not long after that, i told my ego to take a hike & did what i had to do. wasn't fun. but it was the only thing i could think of to get up off my pity pot. i hate being there. it's like tryin' to pee in a port-a-potty when it's 10 below. (sheesh! where'd that come from???)...

anyway....here i am...a short week later...and all i can see now is how fast it works. the whole 'law' thing. it's FAST. i mean, all kinds of stuff has been showing up. packages in the mail with pretty little treasures. some $$$ for my rent. invitations. new friends (who have similar 'beliefs'). happy people. the kinds of people who make you really grateful to be alive. new books (gifts!). new ideas. all kindsa stuff. POOF! just like that!

so this morning, when i opened my eyes...it hit me really hard. how much has 'happened' over the course of the past week. all the many things that have shown up to remind me that i'm okay. i'm doin' fine. there's nothing to 'worry' about. look around ya, livee. LOOKIT ALL THE PRETTY FLOWERS!

yep. it works alright. it works so fast that most of the time i'm guessin' we don't even see it. cuz we're too busy looking behind us. we're too busy worryin' about what's coming. we're paddling so hard up that downstream that we don't see all the magick, the treasures, the absolute proof of our powerful intentions. i gotta keep reminders...little sticky notes or somethin'....to pay attention. pay attention to what's here right now. pay attention to the pauses in between the moments. pay attention to all the glorious gifts that are always flowing.

all the rest...

is just a bunch of phoooooey.

a little somethin' to chew on ~

The following is a snippet I found (or rather, that found me) early this morning. It is not my creation. (I'll give props at the end...no distractions for now....)I'm quite certain, however, that the author is A-OK with me sharing it. I know. He's that way. Anyway...I just had to post this..and you'll see why in a sec. One thing first...

Don't let the words distract you. In other words, if you happen to be deeply entrenched in a certain 'religion', don't let the monikers throw you off. You can insert any word you want; God, Allah, Jesus, Pan, Zeus...whatever 'name' you use for your particular beliefs. Cuz, after all, if there is "only one God", what difference does it make what you call it?

Okay...so here goes....

Secret excerpt from
"Illumination for Dummies: Time~Space Edition”
Now a Best Seller in dimensions far, far away....

It's like, between every single second of the day, there's a pause. Life is suspended. Frozen and unfrozen. Imperceptible to the physical senses because these moment and non-moments are all strung together by your thoughts, beliefs, and intents which span the gaps, creating a complete and seamless picture. It's even happening now, between every word you've just read.

It's during these pauses that the future is forged. And just as all "things" flicker like a firefly, so does time, during which the Universe is busy at work, flying into action, moving mountains, plotting circumstances, and planning coincidences, unrestrained by the limits of material existence, including cause and effect. This is where the magic lies.

Each succeeding physical moment then reflects the creations of the previous non-physical moment, dependent not upon what has existed in the physical, but upon the usually slow evolution of your beliefs, intents and expectations that carry through both realities.

(Are you sitting down?)

The past can even be rewritten and memories inserted, so that never a beat is missed. (Scratch “can even be”, and use “are often”. Just pacing you to ward off brain freeze.)

Next time you want something, play off these pauses, not time and space. Don't look to the physical, look to the unseen. And dwell in the realm of infinite possibilities.

But you knew that.

Tallyho, ho, ho,

PS ~ It goes on to say that the evolution spoken of need not be slow.

PSS ~ From "Notes from the Universe, Book One", by the Magnificent Mike Dooley. I love ya, Mike! You rock!

ohmidawg!

oh brother.

i sure do get all kindsa carried away sometimes. cracks me up. sometimes, after i've had some kind of huge inspiration, i'll come on over here and post whatever happens to be whizzin' around in my silly little head. i gather up the pictures, let my fingers fly...and then click "publish"

(i do read them first. just cuz i can't stand typos or misspelled words...censoring, however, is rarely exercised.)

so, earlier today i posted that supergoofy pic of me with a mustache. yesterday it was the equally goofy picture of me with my sunflower head thingy & my raja glasses. oh yea. i was in a groove alright. truth be told, i still am. and it's 11:30 PM. but for some reason, i decided to come back here and look at my 'stuff'.

oh brother.

i'm not kiddin' ya. i think there's another being tryin' to break loose here. and ya know what? i kinda like her. think i'll let her come on out. cuz the past few days have been about the 'funnest' days i've had in a really, really long time. and there wasn't even anyone else around.

go figure.

mustache mondays ~

for those of you who missed the 'memo'....mondays have been declared "mustache mondays" by the brilliant, effervescent, incredibly hilarious terri (of bonesigharts....go see!). she even formed her own little "club" on facebook....the mustache mondays club. how freakin' fun is that???

i've been tryin' to find one for a week and a half. to date, still haven't (found one). but not one to be even slightly put off by those pesky details, i opted to use the alternate method...& draw one on. this has a couple of advantages: one is that it doesn't get soggy or filled with food as the day progresses. and, yes, i'll be wearing it all day...and into the night...til it's time for bed. and YES (again)...that means whether i'm home or out & about...it's gonna be on my face. no. not kidding.

so...back to the advantages....

the other is that i can have different kinds of mustaches...the curly cue or the bushy or the einstein or well, you get the idea. so what if it's drawn on....it still evokes the same reactions...which is what makes it so fun. one of the best so far....i was sitting at a stop light when a police officer pulled up beside me on his motorcycle. i turned to smile at him, he did the ol' double take (actually it was more a triple take) & then he started laughing his butt off. he even did a quick little siren thing for me. talk about fun stuff! now i ask ya, if you can make a policeman laugh just cuz you're wearing a silly mustache, isn't it worth it??????? you betcha. those guys need some laughter too ya know.

well anywayz...i'm posting this goofy picture to inspire you to join us. what's the purpose? to lighten up. to have some laughs. to make people smile. hell...it's just something to do that may just make anyone who runs across you a little more grateful to be alive. ya never know.

so, thanks to miz terri for the awesome 'club'. and for her amazing lightness of being. i love ya, ter. you ROCK!

just cuz...

well....had to have a pic of the rabbit too, ya know? isn't she just the cutest?

rabbit, rabbit.

rabbit, rabbit

when i was a kid, my mom used to tell us that on the first day of the month, we were supposed to hop outta bed & say "rabbit, rabbit"...to bring 'good luck' for the month. didn't matter if it was december of march....

i still don't know where she got that from or why it was 'supposed' to bring luck, but this morning, as i was waking up, i remembered that...& a giggle came bubblin' up.

rabbit, rabbit.

heeheehee...what a silly goose. but ya know, it was such a perfect beginning to a perfect day. i made my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth..& saw this funny little headband thingy my sister gave me. the giggles again. pretty soon, i was having a full-blown giggle fit. couldn't stop. chella came bounding into the bathroom, jumped up on the vanity & started swatting at the water. oh boy. more giggles. she was joining in on the fun....& i could hear her giggles too.

giggle. giggle. giggle.

next came the sunglasses. these were my raja's. she used to let me put them on her, just cuz it made me laugh so hard. she was wonderful that way. loved to hear her mama laugh. she always obliged me, no matter how silly it was. oh, my raja. sweet, beautiful girl. happy springtime, raj. i miss you!

well anyway, got nothin' real important to 'say' at the moment...unless giving you something to giggle about is 'important'. well......sure it's important! what was i thinkin'??? so, here you have it...some giggles for you to start your march...let's march into march with a giggle & a bunch of silliness, shall we?