and now we wait...

the U.S. Library of Congress now holds my book.
I have a copyright (OMIGOD!!!)
and an ISBN...and an EAN...
and a publisher.

HOLYCRAP!

you know, the coolest thing about all this...
is that I've wanted to write a book for as long as I can remember.
and now
I have.

HOLYCRAP!

So then...come back soon, okay?
Because as soon as the book is in my happy little hands...
it'll be available to you
to hold in your happy little hands.

stay tuned!

lessons from a kitchenaide mixer

There's something so beautiful, so delicious, about finding common harmony with people. Finding ways to help them, as they're making the effort to share their passions. Especially when said passions are being shared with their children.

So, when I saw the ad it caught my eye right away. She was looking for one of those KitchenAide mixers. The ones that weigh a ton and last a lifetime. The same kind my grandma had for 50 years. The ad was so sweet, and so authentic, I had to read it more than a few times, just because of the way it was written. Or rather, the way it made me feel when I read it. She wanted one of those mixers in the worst way. She and her little girls love to bake and the mixer they'd had finally pooped out. Rather than buy another cheapie one, she was determined to get one that would endure their shared passion forjavascript:void(0) baking. Her request was that it be 'in good condition and at a fair price'. She was also well aware of just how much they cost (at full retail).

Just so happens I have one of these dandy mixers. Also happens, I've used it maybe 6 times since I got it. I'm just not much into baking. Cooking, yes. Baking, not so much. Other thing is, I really hate things not being used for their purpose. It's a thing I picked up a long time ago, when I first learned the teachings of several Native American tribes. Everything has a purpose. And it is a great dishonor to Spirit when that thing does not meet it's purpose. In other words, when you have stuff just sitting around, collecting dust, it's just not right. I happen to believe this. It makes a lot of sense to me. So, when I have stuff that's just gathering dust, it kinda makes me nutso. Somebody could be using this. Somebody could be honoring it's purpose. It needs to go there.

Truth be told, I wrestled with it for a while, because I'd always wanted one and when I finally bought it for myself (as a Christmas present) I was thrilled. Still, I used it those few times, and mostly..it just sat. Collecting dust. Not serving it's purpose. Not cool.

After about an hour of back and forth, I responded to her ad. She promptly wrote back with one of the nicest replies I've ever gotten from a stranger. She said she really didn't want me to sell it if I wasn't sure. She went on to say that if I was vacillating, maybe I should just keep it and she'd find one elsewhere. So very thoughtful of her.

In the end, I knew she must have it. I knew that it was going to be used, and valued, and appreciated by her and her little girls. I could almost see them in their kitchen, hopping around all excited about their new KitchenAide super-delluxe mixer. It made my heart happy.

Now, awaiting their arrival to come pick it up, I'm filled with a sweet kind of gratitude. I have no apprehension or remorse about 'letting it go'. I know that they're going to enjoy it far more than I ever would. I also know that, somewhere down the road, those little girls will learn the kind lessons from their mother about asking for what you want, and being gracious when you get it.

It doesn't get much better than that.

emotional eq

There's this thing they call 'the emotional ladder'. Kinda like a gauge for moving from one 'place' to another. I like the idea...mostly because it's easier to have something to shoot for than it is to stay mired in the muck. Like tryin' to kick your way out of quicksand, only to find that the more you kick, the deeper you sink.

Not so much fun.

So if this emotional ladder is in any way an indication of 'where do we go from here', then moving from despair to anger would be a step up, yes? I mean, really...what feels 'better'? Despair or anger? I'll pick anger every time. Anger gets me off my fear-driven pity-pot. It gets me moving, like the ol' fire under my arse, forcing me to move it or get burned. Yea. I choose anger every time.

Trouble is, if ya stay there for too long, it can drown you as fast as the quicksand. Don't want to stay in anger a minute longer than necessary. Use it to get you moving, but move on past it too...on into...

Doubt? Even that's a bit of a jump. From anger to doubt is skipping about 3 other steps on the ladder. But does doubt feel better than anger? Not to me. Maybe it's just old habits, but the anger seems to feel better than that gnawing doubt that can chew up my spirit, like a starving dog with a slab of beef. Still...one must consider the steps and see what one can do to move through them as quickly (and painlessly!) as possible.

Maybe the ladder looks like this (okay. If you must know, this is not my own. I got it from a book I happen to think of as my own personal bible. Today, it was essential that I whip that puppy out and have another look...)

Let's say that the top of the ladder is Love/Joy/Empowerment/Freedom/Appreciation. In other words, that's as good as it gets on the emotional scale. No arguments there.
From there (downward) it looks like this:

2. Passion
3. Enthusiasm/Eagerness/Happiness (not to be confused with Joy...)
4. Positive Expectation/Belief
5. Optimism
6. Hopefulness
7. Contentment
8. Boredom
9. Pessimism
10. Frustration/Irritation/Impatience (oh brother. I'm good at these!)
11. "Overwhelment"
12. Disappointment
13. Doubt
14. Worry
15. Blame
16. Discouragement
17. Anger (there it is!)
18. Revenge
19. Hatred/Rage
20. Jealousy
21. Insecurity/Guilt/Unworthiness
22. Fear/Grief/Depression/Despair/Powerlessness (BIGFATICK!!!)

So then, if we can move up the ladder, step by step (there's no rule that says you can't skip a few!), then maybe it doesn't feel so bad as we're doing it. I mean, if you know that you're not gonna stay wherever you are (emotionally and otherwise) for any length of time, doesn't it make it more bearable? Like, when you're really, really cold, and you keep reminding yourself that pretty soon you'll be inside, next to a blazing fire, warming your tootsies and drinking hot chocolate, somehow being that cold is more tolerable, yes? What if we could do the same thing when we feel like crap?

I'm wondering about all this, as I sit in my anger...but vacillate between it and fear. Fear is alllll the way down at the bottom of that ladder. And I'd much rather have a foot on the rung 5 steps up. Not the best of choices, but then...I'm the one who's apparently in charge of how long I keep my foot there...or take another step.

Oh brother.

let the fires rage

There is something to be said about using anger to move out of fear. Some people operate this way, mostly, I think, because it's worked for them. A person can only take fear for so long. Then comes that breaking point ~ that place where you've just had enough and you're not going to take it any more.

(Didn't you just love that movie?)

There is a passage in a song that says it best:

When push comes to shove you taste what you're made of
You might bend til you break cuz it's all you can take
From your knees you look up decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand.

I heard this song today, as I was trying in vain to release a very large fear that seemed to be consuming me. I loathe this feeling. It's helplessness at it's very worst. I loathe that feeling too. Most days, I'm pretty good at moving through such things, using the many tools I've gathered along my path.

Today was not one of those days. I woke up with a feeling of dread and it stuck in my belly like bad food from a greasy diner. Nausea, sweat, shaking hands, the whole nine yards.

ICK.

And then...the song came on. I felt the tingling course through my body and the hair on my neck stood straight up. I cranked up the volume and sang at the top of my voice all the way down the road. That familiar anger welled up inside me, and for once, I didn't fight it. I let it come. I let the rage grow like a bonfire drenched in gasoline. The louder I sang, the more the fires raged. By the time the song ended, I had tears rolling down my cheeks and a full-blown sweat pouring through my shirt.

I was ready.

I have long worked at changing the way I operate because I felt that I needed to let go the anger. I could see the damage it had done, not just to my psyche but also to my body. Years of rage, stuffed deep inside, had manifested a horrible burning in my bones. Not kidding. But regardless of what the so-called 'experts' said, I knew precisely what was 'wrong'. The body does not fall out of wellness for no reason. There is always a source to one's dis-ease. Mine was rage.

Having spent so much time on this change, it was a bit of a shock when that rage came flying up so quickly. It'd been a while since I'd felt it; it was my belief that I'd finally let it go.

Wrong again.

But as I drove I also realized that sometimes, even if it seems to go against one's intentions, sometimes it's just something you ought to let come.

Especially if it works.

So where did the rage come from? I let my mind wander as I drove, allowing whatever thoughts that came to rise up clearly. I didn't fight the anger, nor the fear. I just let it come. I pulled up to a stop light and realized how far I'd driven while having no idea how. Figured it was a good time to pull off the road and just sit for a while. No point driving blindly, or risking someone else's safety.

Pissed off. Yes. Stupid. No.

As soon as I was out of my truck I found a tree and sat under it, leaning up against the strength of it's trunk. Pretty soon, the words started flying out. Loud, angry, righteous words. I let them fly. I could feel the rage go with them. With every word I shouted, I felt less enraged and more empowered. I was giving it up to the tree I leaned against, to the sky I stared up at, to the clouds that floated by.

Ten minutes later, I was done.

Immediately following all this was a sense of calm that I'd not felt in weeks. There was a knowing. A genuine deep-down-in-my-gut knowing. That everything is as it should be. That I am not helpless or without power. That regardless of what I may think I'm seeing right now, it is not the end of my world. It may be the end of something I no longer need, but my world is not going to crumble and vanish. I made a vow to myself in that moment:

“In the face of adversity, uncertainty, and conflicting sensory information, I hereby pledge to remain ever mindful of the magickal, infinite, loving reality in which I live. A reality that conspires tirelessly on my behalf. I further recognize that living in space and time, as a Creation amongst my Creations, is the ultimate Adventure, because thoughts become things, dreams come true, and all thing remain forever possible. As a Being of Light, I hereby resolve to live, love and be happy, at all costs, no matter what, with reverence and kindness for all.”

{thank you Mike Dooley!}

I share this story with you now, in hopes that you will remember: it's okay to get mad. It's okay if you scream at the gods. It's more than okay. Because whatever you feel is taking you to more of who you are. Don't stuff those feelings.

Feel them. And then...

Carry on.

allies

In an earlier post, I offered a little "poser" {see "just one thing"}. Since I was asked the question, I've been giving it a lot of thought. My response was "the beliefs that limit me". It's those beliefs I've been considering. What are they? How many of the beliefs I hold are actually my own? How many of the beliefs that I hold today are actually a result of things I was led to believe when I was a kid?

Now, before I go any further, I gotta say that I don't buy the whole "it's all my parents' fault" crap. I'm a grown woman and it's up to me to decide what I do and don't believe. My parents did the very best they knew how. They gave me (& the rest of my siblings) large love and plenty of terrific memories. I do not hold them accountable for any so-called neurotic tendencies I may carry today (& trust me when I tell ya, there are plenty enough of those too...giggle). I figure that since they weren't provided a manual on how to best raise their children, they just flew by the seat of their pants and did the best they could. They did a fine job.

So, since I don't blame them or anyone else for who and what I am today, the only person left is me. It's all my doing. With this as my perspective, it would then mean that since I'm the Mistress of my Kingdom, I must decide what to keep and what to dismiss. When it comes to beliefs, those are as important as any to review, evaluate and weed when needed. That question my friend asked led me to visit this again. The tricky part is figuring out the 'limiting' part. Cuz it's not always clear. Well...not to me, anyway.

Here's what I came up with: being the organized little imp that I am, I decided I'd start by really paying attention to the pesky little chatterbox in my head. The voice that always has some kind of comment about stuff...like whose turn it is to do what chore or how somebody else did said chore. That critical, sarcastic voice that thinks 'it' knows it all. VERY annoying.

But there just may be a way to use that chatterbox to uncover those limiting beliefs. I think of "it" as the voice of my Ego. Ego is a very frightened child. Always trying to keep Me from growing and stretching and letting go of things I don't need. Ego can't help it...but I can. The larger part of Me is neither afraid nor inflexible. Quite the contrary. That Me is the Mighty Explorer. Kinda the Jean Luc Picard....'to boldly go where no woman has gone before....'

I figure if I just keep paying attention to that pesky chatterbox, it's going to unveil a bunch of those limiting beliefs. So I'm going to make it my ally, instead of fighting with it all the time.

Why not?

You can get a whole lot more accomplished with an ally than an enemy, yes?

do-good deeds ~

I just got this really cool email from "Daily Good" about 3 college students who decided to take on the world, one person at a time. Their idea was to create an application for iPhones whereby are subscribers are prompted daily with a "DoGood"--a simple task from conserving water, to turning out a light, to beautifying the world. When they've accomplished their good deed for the day, they click the application's "done" button. The program tallies how many users are fulfilling that day's deed, and users can share what they have done on Facebook and Twitter. So far, it's up to 209,214 good deeds.

VERY COOL! So, since I don't have an iPhone, nor do I engage in text messaging, etc., I thought I'd give them a little 'boost' and post something here. If you'd like to read the article, here's the link. AND if you decide it's something you, too, would like to participate in, I'm going to start posting my own "Deed for the Day" on the right of this page, at the top. It'll change daily, so make sure to check in and see what's new. If enough people are interested, I'm thinking about setting up a sign-up for it, and I'll send them via email to whomever wishes to receive them.

I think stuff like this is so awesome...and it makes a HUGE difference in the world. One person at a time...one deed at a time. It really doesn't take much, ya know?

So there you have it. Yet another little 'project' to nudge folks along on a merry path. Hope your day is filled with as much joy and laughter as you deserve!

Hugs to ALL~

just one thing

here's a question for ya:

if you were given a 'miracle drug' that would allow you to remove ONE THING from you life FOREVER....

what would you remove?

think about it.
really think about it.

just one thing that would permanently alter your life as you know it.

what would you remove?

in case ya didn't know

for those of you who read this blog
you may wish to have a look at my other one.
it's different.
and there's a new 'twist'.
got this story goin' on...
fictional
mine
new
go see.

Olivia's Blog

Traditionally, in America, we celebrate "The Fourth of July" as our Independence Day. The day we, as a young and rebellious country, were liberated from our oppressors.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness."

I confess, I have to look it up...I don't know it by heart. But I always remember this part:

"...deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it..."

Yep. It says it right there in our Declaration of Independence. So what's up with that? And further (uh oh...here she goes...) if it's good for the many, why isn't it good for the one?

Do you do this?
Do you "alter or abolish" when the things that make up your life don't make YOU happy?

I think it's a pretty good credo to live by.

"If it doesn't make you happy, ditch it!"

Whaddya think? You could start with the little stuff first, you know...like getting rid of those pants you can't wear anymore and make you all cranky when you see them in your closet....and then you can kinda ease into the idea that you actually have this kind of power (you do!).

Then, after the little stuff, you could move on to the medium stuff...like the people in your world who just seem to suck the life out of you. You could finally just tell your truth and move on to living amidst people who do make you happy. Why waste all that energy elsewhere?

After you really get your groove on, you could move onto the bigger stuff. Like maybe actually facing and cuttin' loose all those limiting beliefs that hold you back. Those old tapes that run in your head, 24/7, telling you that you "can't". ICK!

Anyway, I'm kind of goin' on about this, huh? Well, guessing you get my drift. I say it's a good day to take a look at your own freedoms or lack there of.

What's keeping you from what you call freedom?

Better yet...what's it really mean to you?

Do you even know?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Just something to think about.

geez

geez.

it's thursday again. and it's JULY! and the year is past the half-way mark. GEEZ.

i just keep hearing that song in my head "nick of time" (bonnie raitt). there's one part where she says something like, "life gets kinda precious when there's less of it to waste". she's talking about her parents...and getting older. and so maybe that's why the whole 'time flyin' thing is so....alarming. or maybe...it's just a reminder. don't waste ANY of it. make it all count. cherish every second. even the moments that are less-than happy ones. cherish them all.

so i'm sitting here, looking at the clock (only because i have to be somewhere at 3:30, otherwise, i couldn't give a rip about what time it is), and wondering again...how it got to be 2:00...when it seems like i just got up an hour ago (i got up 8 hours ago!). whut the....???

chella is roaming in and out of my office, yakkin' at me every time she walks in. she wants my attention. and right now, aside from reaching down to stroke her a few times, i'm not giving it to her. what she REALLY wants is for me to brush her. but she wants that all day, every day. i swear that cat would let me brush her from sun up to sun down, if i'd do it. crazy cat. but i love that she's here. and i love that she's so vocal and tenacious and utterly persistent. because, in the end, she always gets what she wants. just another thing i love about her. she's a great teacher. don't give up. just keep on demanding. watch me. it works!

i'm rambling on...mostly about nothing...because i'm unsettled and don't know why. i have 'ants in my pants', as my mama used to say. that restless feeling that i can't seem to put my finger on. what the hell is it? what do you want? just tell me, already.

geez.